Fake tits and c*cks – do premarital customs have to be iffy?

Posted on by zlotybaby

bachelorSo you’re getting married, right? Well, done and welcome to the adult world where people prefer to go to bed before 10 PM, suffer from a hangover the next day after two glasses of wine and have a number of couple responsibilities (plus sex and cuddles on tap and a person in your life who doesn’t have a choice but to listen to ALL your complaints about life – let’s not forget about the advantages ;)). Before that happens you’re supposed to have the time of your life at your bachelor/bachelorette party… which brings me to the topic of today’s post. Do you really have to be sucking on a penis shaped ice lolly or visit a strip club? Nope! That’s your bloody party.

I have written before about conforming to the expectations of others. During you bachelor/bachelorette party it’s as important as ever, to make it about what you want. In other words, if the expectation of you as a man is to go to strip club and stare at fake tits you may decide you actually don’t find such objectification of a female body entertaining and you’re quite happy with the pair of boobs that’s soon to be yours happily ever after. In this case you should express such sentiment to you stag party organizers rather than just do whatever they want you too. Chances are, if you choose your friends in a way that actually matches your personality, you won’t even have to explain such things to them. If on the other hand, you have tons of insecurities and you have to prove to everyone that you’re a REAL man by staring at women who have no choice but to earn a living in this humiliating manner, then be my guest. Join everyone else I judge in my little black book called “Why Humans Make No Sense”.

Needless to say that expressing their preferences would be also advised for ladies. Somehow I doubt that all the ladies I’ve seen in my Facebook feed licking penis shaped objects was really having as much fun as the picture would suggest. Of course, we all have different ideas about fun and if you think that you pretending publicly you’re having sex with a chair is #bestmoment than I’m sure your bridesmaids can organize that. If not there’s a whole range of fun things you can do with your bridesmaids other than show your skills in giving blow jobs during the day that’s meant to be about female bonding (I think?). Alternatively, you may decide that the old school gender separation isn’t what you stand for and you want to have a mixed party for both of you. I had both – a separate hen/stag and a mixed party towards the end of the evening.

One thing one shouldn’t (and probably couldn’t) avoid in terms of being disgusting on a hen/stag night is drinking. Having far too many drinks will remind you why you strive for moderation in your everyday life and that you’re not 18 anymore (and if you are then run to the hills NOW, you have some life to experience before getting married!). Besides, there’s something about having too much alcohol with people you like and know that ends up with having fond memories about the event afterwards. That is, of course, after sobering up, puking and healing the post-alcohol pain of existence. Being silly and out of control is something we should do from time to time to shake up our routines.

To sum up, if you find rather disgusting bachelorette/bachelor party customs entertaining then indulge in them. However, if it’s not your vibe don’t force yourself to drink tequila shots of bartenders in Beefcakes or of strippers at Maverick’s. This night is about you and I do feel like showing people that you know what sex is about, before you get married, these days isn’t really necessary. Perhaps such customs come from the days when people (mostly women, let’s be honest) were still untouched. I’d google it but no one pays me for writing this blog so if you’re interested, just do it yourself.

So Dear Rinsers, what is your opinion about the modern premarital customs? Do people really enjoy all fake penises and breasts? Is it maybe just for show? Tell me what you think in the comments section. 

 

 

 

Save Yourself! – The Dudes in Distress

Posted on by EnglishRosiee

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There is loaded belief that deep down most women like the idea of being ‘rescued’. Apparently, this is why so many of us chicks have a thing for men in uniform (and there I was thinking that the whole point was to get the firefighter out of the uniform). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: GENDER ROLES ARE CHANGING!!!. It’s no longer just the damsels in distress that want a knight in shining armour to come along and save them when they find themselves stranded on De Waal Drive with a flat tyre one wet and windy morning (truth be told I could have saved myself but I didn’t want to get my hands dirty or arrive at work all sweaty and horrible, so I hailed a man to do the job for me!). We now live in a world where people are finally admitting that women can be real-life heroines (although, they pretty much always have been) who can not only be expected to take care of themselves (and in some cases the children spawned by men not willing to take responsibility) but who are also often relied on to save their poor male counterparts.

Maybe it’s just me but I’m at a stage in my life where I’m totally over this romantic idea of anyone, be it the guy or girl, needing to be ‘saved’ by a relationship.  There are certain ideas which should strictly belong in the world of fairy tales. Sure, being told by a partner that they’d probably still be drinking themselves stupid if Tinder hadn’t bought the two of you together can be endearing to a certain extent but even someone with half a brain should be able to read between the lines – translation : you are dating someone with alcoholic tendencies, if not an addictive personality. RUN. Spending many a night having to discuss ways in which your new partner might consolidate his stupidly self-inflicted debt is also not a topic of conversation upon which a solid partnership should be based.

Of course, it is nice to feel needed but seriously, if that is a determining factor in why the relationship exists it doesn’t bode well for the future. And yes, it’s basic human nature to want to take care of others, especially those we are romantically involved with but dating someone who feels the need to overshare and burden you with their problems from the get-go isn’t really a great prospect in terms of happily ever after.  I speak from experience when I say that once you start ‘saving’ people from their problems you do nothing more than open your incredibly capable self up for manipulation. These problem men (and women) are unlikely to have just one issue so chances are you are setting yourself up for life of heroism (and all the associated drama).

As much as we’d all like to think that love can conquer all, it can’t. Don’t get involved with someone convincing yourself that ‘One Day’ their love for you will force them to change. If a 40-something year old guy can’t hold down a job for more than 2 weeks, don’t kid yourself into believing that once you give him screaming rugrats he will find the motivation to earn some big bucks. A person who won’t take accountability for their mistakes instead choosing to blame everyone else and their dog is unlikely to break-free of their victim mentality anytime soon, in fact you’ll soon be added to the long-list of bad, bad, women who didn’t love him enough.

While you can’t change the people you date, if you find that you continue to attract damsels/dudes in distress time and time again there is one thing you can do to break this cycle. You can change yourself by critically looking at your savior complex and understanding that it is as toxic to a relationship as a deadbeat partner.  Remember that while two parties may bring different strengths and weaknesses to a relationship, a healthy partnership tends to be formed by two people who are capable of standing on their own two feet but who instead want to stand together, rather than one person’s main motivation being a need to be in a relationship in order for support/survival. Look, I’m not saying one should dump the a guy who has stood by them through thick and thing the moment he gets retrenched. A partnership is all about overcoming challenges together. But learn to spot red flags and go into any potential romance with those beautiful eyes wide open.

Now over to you dear Rinsers. Have you ever dated a dude/damsel in distress? Did it end happily ever after or did you just get tired of having to perform heroic feats? Do you have any tips for people who find they have a saviour complex? Comments in the bit below !!

 

Review: Beauty and The Beast – The Faux Feminazi Edition

Posted on by EnglishRosiee

Beauty

As a child who grew up believing everything that Disney fed her grown-up life has turned out to be quite a disappointment. Prince Charming hasn’t materialised as yet (well, I’ll keep dreaming) and if I ran around the streets singing songs and talking to flowers I’d probably find myself locked up in Falkenburg. That said, I do love me a bit of Disney as it always allows you to escape this big bad world of Trump and Brexit. So learning that there would be a remake of Beauty and the Beast, one of the first films I saw at the cinema as a kid, was probably one of the best bits of news 2016 (not that it would have taken much)!

I’m sure I don’t need to waste your time regurgitating the story. Anyone with any sort of normal childhood knows this tale as old as time where a pretty book-ish girl gets captured by a beast (who is secretly a Prince) and over time learns to see past his ugly facade to fall in love with his beautiful soul. Blah, Blah, Blah. The 2017 version promised audiences a feminist retelling of yet another patriarchal fairy tale.  Sadly though, critics have been quick to point out the many ways in which the movie falls short and fails to dispel the misogyny in the outdated story.

Probably the most significant difference in the latest version is that Belle has a job as an inventor of sorts (let’s be honest, this is a very minor element of the story). Therefore she is more than just someone’s daughter and this buys her a bit of independence and possibly the ability/confidence to be ‘picky’ when it comes to rejecting the local brain dead hottie, Gaston.  There is also a scene where Belle promotes the importance of educating woman as she tries to teach a little girl how to read.  Some people have pointed out that she also doesn’t wear a corset. But I think they are pretty much clutching at straws here because the whole feminist element pretty much stops there.

On the whole, the new version stays true to the original story.  Male domination still plays a huge part in the story. Trapping girls in cages? Surely, even Christian Grey can learn a thing or two from the Beast. The fact that Belle eventually falls develops warm and fuzzy feelings towards her captor have led many to point our that the story probably has more to do with Stockholm Syndrome than it has to do with love. And then again what choice does she have? If you were imprisoned in some derelict old castle with only talk clocks, candles and teapots for company surely you’d fall for the Beast as ugly as he is because at least he can quote Shakespeare. Beggars can’t be choosers after all.

But enough of all this over-analyzing. Sure, the movie pretty much failed to meet the expectations of all the feminazis out there but you know what, they are probably also the same people  that wouldn’t be happy unless Belle traded that pretty yellow ballgown for cargo pants and Doc Martens, or something equally vulgar (I’m a girly girl that appreciates the prettier things in life, so bite me!). But if you are looking for a form of escapism, some way to be transported away from a mundane Monday night then take yourself out to see this movie. The cinematography is just magical and the songs will leave you feeling all giddy inside. There is all-star cast and Chip, the teacup is still as precious as he was back in the day. So appreciate this revamped classic fairy tale for what it is. Watching a beautiful, ethnically diverse cast prancing and dancing alongside furniture that speaks provides a much-needed break from our reality, which right now really isn’t all that great so let’s stop being bitter old haters and just take this for what it is.

Rinsers – Have you seen the movie? What are your thoughts? Do you think every old story needs an update or is it OK to leave some things as are they are sometimes? Comment or rant in the bit below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review: LOVE SEX FLEAS GOD – Confessions of a Stay-At-Home-Dad @ The Alexander Upstairs

Posted on by EnglishRosiee

Sex, God, Fleas ...

As most of our readers are well aware traditional gender roles are changing partly due to this thing known as a male defecit and it is becoming increasingly common for the woman in a relationship to be more educated/career-driven than the man.  Naturally, as a result of this trend, with women becoming breadwinners and being eager to get back to work after popping out those screaming kids it falls (or should do at least) to the father to pick up much more of the child-rearing. I admit we do sometimes get a bit carried away from time to time with our bitching and moaning about men these days being nothing but a bunch of good for nothing lazy mama’s boys but there are also some guys who’ve successfully managed to embrace change and do pull their weight in a relationship.  And LOVE, SEX, FLEAS, GOD is actually a play about one of the good guys.

As the title indicates this play provides some insights into the life of a Stay-At-Home-Dad named Bruce whose job it is to take care of his two kids Angus and Anastasia while his wife works as a big shot banker and brings home the bacon. Based on an autobiographical account this stage adaptation tells us the story of how initially Bruce is rather shocked to hear those dreaded words ‘I’m Late’ and learn that he is going to be a father (after all his family all thought he was gay even when he got married!). But he comes to accept his new role and tries to embrace the pulling power that comes with having cute baby Angus as his wingman.

Once you move past the comedy element of the show, the audience learns that in order to become a good parent Bruce has had to overcome the issues from his own toxic childhood. It turns out that his Mother was brainwashed by Scientologists and was forever swanning off on Scientology missions and returning with a different man on her arm while Bruce and his sister were left to be brought up by their Scottish grandmother. To make matters worse in addition to an overwhelmingly absent father, much of Bruce’s extended family are nothing more than a dysfunctional bunch of perverts.

Despite his turbulent childhood and even a stint on the streets, Bruce doesn’t use this as an excuse to shirk his responsibilities as a Father. I think this story is also a reminder of how self-indulgent most millennials are these days. Many of us delay settling down to focus on our own self-development – travelling, career, puppies, etc. While I still stand by my belief that this a good thing for most people, the truth is that for there are also some cases where parenthood can be an overwhelmingly positive thing in a person’s life and exactly what is needed to give them some purpose and direction.

The character of Bruce is portrayed brilliantly by David Muller in this one man production. Props are minimal, consisting of nothing more than a blue blanket, a teddy bear and a few pieces of Lego (my date and I suddenly felt inspired and ended up going down a rabbit hole doing some quick google research on the history of Lego before the show kicked off!). The lack of paraphernalia and other distractions on the stage allows the audience to focus on the dialogue.

LOVE, SEX, FLEAS, GOD is playing at the intimate  Alexander Upstairs until the 29th April 2017 and with tickets priced at just R90 (R80 online), it is well worth watching. People who’ve had kids of their own will probably identify with much of what is said and I think the show could provide some inspiration to those considering a career in parenting.

The Cock Lodger – Men Who ‘Date’ To Save on Rent

Posted on by EnglishRosiee

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If you are the kinda girl who is searching for that traditional idea of happily ever after, people will probably warn against letting a guy stay over after the first (or second or third) date regardless how great the sparkles are. Agh, forget ‘people’, there are self-help guides written by professionals that letting a dude into your personal space to early on in a relationship just serves to show him how super keen you are and is, therefore, a recipe for disaster in the long run. There is no doubt that giving a partner access to your humble abode (and vice versa) is a pretty significant step. Someone’s home gives you a pretty intimate insight into them. Sure they can do a quick tidy-up and remove all traces of that secret wife and kids but if you stick around long enough you’ll find signs of who they really are. Naturally, inviting anyone into your home comes with a whole host of dangers (and no I’m not talking about the potential of them being a serial killer). Today Rinsers, I want to talk to you about Cock Lodgers, a special breed of the males species who comes over to stay the night and then NEVER leave.

It is common knowledge that millennials are pretty screwed when it comes to the property market. Most of our generation are probably never going to own property and its pretty ‘normal’ in cities like New York, London and Paris  (and now even Cape Town) for ‘kids’ to stay living at home with their Olds well into their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s in the hopes of saving up enough for a deposit on a shack to call their own. I’ve already voiced my views on the implications of this trend on a person’s prospects of holding down a healthy relationship. But there are also this growing breed of mama’s boys for whom property prices don’t feature in their decision to live at home – it’s all about staying close to the only woman who’ll wash their dirty boxers, pack their favourite lunches and even fetch the remote when he needs to change the TV channel.

Sure there are financial benefits (and others) for not having a place of your own but you can’t avoid the problems this can cause when it comes to dating, relationships and various other types of sexual encounters. Life would surely be more straightforward if you had some private space to take your latest squeeze home to, right? Yes but no but. You see these cunning little foxes out there who have found a way to play the system. Don’t have a place of your own? There is a simple solution. ‘Date’ a girl who does.

Of course, if you are part of the population who does value your independence and would rather opt to live on a diet of two-minute noodles for the rest of your days than live with Mummy and Daddy forevermore, then the decision to let another human into your precious castle is not one which should be taken lightly. Obviously, there comes a time in any blossoming relationship when one needs to remove the relationship from the public eye. If you happen to be dating someone who is pretty much your equal you’ll be faced with the simple question of your place or mine? You’ll take turns to have sleepovers and not much more needs to be said.

But how about when the dude your dating doesn’t really have a place of his own where the two of you can get up to no good without the prying eyes of his dear mama or possibly worse, he spends his life couch surfing from one friends sofa to the next until he outstays his welcome? Well… enter the cock lodger! A cock lodger can be defined as the type of guy who attaches himself to an independent, established woman and in return for his services in the bedroom (at a minimum) he expects to be given full squatting rights in her home.

It’ll all start out pretty innocently. He’ll stay over one night, then a whole weekend, slowly you’ll find him leaving his stuff around your place and claiming space in your wardrobe. Because he is about so much, a naive young lady maybe tempted to give him a set of keys. Of course, if his performance in bed is mindblowing and he does some basic DIY around the house one may convince themselves that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement. However, over time having a cock lodger squatting in your home and not pulling their weight financially in a ‘relationship’ becomes tiresome for even the most patient of women.

Chances are the moment he is given his marching orders will mark the end of this love affair as the Cock Lodger will need to start missioning to find his next victim (that or move back to his mama). In some cases, he may grovel and promise you the world (seriously, don’t fall foR it) or the worst case scenario he will fight back and try to make you out to be a heartless materialist, racist or some other hateful creature. Don’t listen. It’s just an opportunity for the Cock Lodger to pull you back in. The best way to get yourself out of this messy situation is to avoid confrontation. Sure it’s nice having a guy around the house (for security and reaching the high shelves) but do not negotiate. Remember you have bills to pay and if he can’t contribute he has to go. Having a Cock Lodger on your premises is just another form of transactional sex (if indeed you were getting serviced at all!). So change the locks. Go on holiday if you must. Stop indulging yet another weak man. Cock Lodger Be Gone!!!

Rinsers – Have you ever experienced a cock lodger (or whatever the female version is called)? How did you get rid of them? Is a cock lodger nothing more than a symptom of our times where mummy’s boy and lazy men take advantage of supposedly strong, capable but somewhat naive women? Comment below!

Dating Billy No Mates

Posted on by EnglishRosiee

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Have you ever noticed how many guys have dating profile pictures of themselves giving a Best Man’s speech at a friends wedding? Well, once upon a time I used to snigger at those guys. Not anymore. You see (unless of course the photos are totally staged or the profile a complete fake altogether) the fact that a person has been chosen to be someone’s Best Man/ Maid of Honour (thanks, #zlotybaby) means that there is at least one person who rates you pretty highly among their circle of friends (well, that or they just flipped a coin between you and their ugly cousin). And that’s important.

So, what the hell is #englishrosiee ‘forever the bridesmaid, never the bride’ wittering on about now? Simple, dear Rinser, today I want to talk about the importance of having friends and more importantly, why a red flag should be raised when you are dating someone without any. Surely, even the most introvert person out there would have at least a few friends, right? WRONG! And why should it even matter if the person you dating has friends? Surely, a relationship should be between you and your Significant Other and nothing to do with the rest of the world? Time for the reality check!

I’ve always believed that a person’s closest friends are a reflection of themselves. Of course, we are all individuals but there are always aspects of our personality that are mirrored in our friends – maybe it’s just an un-PC sense of humour, a particularly bleak outlook on life or simply the fact that you both love a good old bitching and moaning session at your local sushi joint. Because a person’s friends give us a unique insight into them, their personality and certain quirks we may not otherwise be privy to I think it’s paramount to meet the social circle of anyone you are dating asap (and vice versa). I would actually go as far as saying that meeting someone’s friends is probably more important than that nerve-wracking meeting the parents moment. Just think about it. None of us have any choice about the people that decide to procreate in order to bring us into the world but we do have free rein when it comes to who we choose to be friends with, and those choices say a lot about us.

The fact is if you or your significant other don’t get along with each others closet friends (or simply think they are all a bunch of brain dead spoilt little rich kids) then the alarm bells should start ringing! OK, so it may not be the end of the world. After all, some people (yours truly is totally guilty of this) go through friends as fast as they swipe through those Tinderees and sure we can change our associations as we develop and go through life but regardless the people we choose to surround ourselves with say a lot about us.

If you find yourself hooking up with a guy who hangs our with a bunch of immature racist douche bags, he is probably at least a little bit of racist himself (if not a card-carrying member of the KKK). Similarly, if you’ve taken the step of introducing you latest squeeze to your group of somewhat eclectic weirdos and they come away from that meeting with a look of horror on their ugly mug, the fact is there is some aspect of your personality that they are not favourable towards. Seeing a person interacting with their buddies is when we finally see the facade being dropped and if you can’t deal with someone in their natural habitat then if is likely to pose significant issues for the relationship further down line.

Well, not liking a partner’s friends is one thing (because at least they have some). But how about when a person doesn’t have any buddies whatsoever? Now this is where the real problems begin. When someone we date doesn’t seem to have any true friendships we lose a window into finding out more about who they are. It may also raise concerns about them being a serial killer (did Norman Bates have any friends bar his good ol’ mama dearest?! Just saying!). If you find that you’ve been dating someone a while and you are yet to cross paths/be introduced to any of their friends – well I hate to break it to you but this either means you are a dirty little secret OR there aren’t any friends to be introduced to. If it is the latter, then it will only be a matter of time before that special someone reveals him/herself as a Billie No Mates. Perhaps, it’ll be when they reserve a table for 12 people at a restaurant and despite it being a milestone b’day (and a bunch of frantic phone) not one of the ‘friends’ pitch and the night declines from a what was supposed to a wild, raucous night out into a slightly sad romantic dinner for two!

Sure, I’m being a little bit bitchy here. Not everyone can be a social butterfly. But ask yourself why a person would have no friends (apart from possibly their mummy) around? Perhaps they have a strong personality that doesn’t go down well with most people (hmmm…but seriously, noone at all???), maybe they are a workoholic with no time to nurture anything that doesn’t lead to big bucks (it’s fine if you are just after a rinse, I guess) or maybe it’s just a case that they are truly a mean and obnoxious person who picks on everyone elses insecurities to mask the fact that they are not quite where they’d like to be in life. Whatever the case is, someone who lacks the ability to form solid friendships probably has some sort of personality disorder and may not be the easiest person to date so do be sure to do some further investigations before you become too emotionally involved with a such a loner.

Alright rinsers. Over to you. How important is it for someone you are dating to a) have friends and b) have friends that click with their partner? Have you ever encountered a Billy No Mates and what was the end result? Share your experiences in the comments section below. 

Review: “Scenes from an Execution” at the Baxter Theatre

Posted on by zlotybaby

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The play “Scenes from an Execution” was a very pleasant surprise. Before going I only knew that it had Jennifer Steyn in it, whose remarkable performance in “The Inconvenience of Wings” was enough of an encouragement (Between you and I, Internet, the fact that I’m on The Baxter Theatre’s mailing list and was informed about the special price for the first few performances, didn’t hurt either). ANYWAY, let me tell you a few words about my impressions.

A Venetian artist Galactia is commissioned to paint a battle. The political agenda behind the existence of the piece of art is to uplift the citizens and the soldiers by an idealized representation of the triumph of Venice in Lepanto. Such vision of the war is in opposition to Galactia’s perception of it. She considers it to be ruthless, horrible and rather pointless. As a mature woman with numerous lovers, who rarely bites her tongue she’s been through a lot and does not seem to care about appearances. This time, however, her need to stay true to her own beliefs will put her in danger. I shall say no more about the plot, to avoid spoiling the experience for you.

I must say it was a very refreshing experience to see a strong female dominating the play. Steyn is convincing in her rendition of the character. The audience feels for Galactia’s even if his or her relationship with the protagonist is that of love and hate. She isn’t meant to be likeable. She does and says what she pleases with little consideration for the feelings of others. In as much as Galactia’s behavior is partially due to her need to stay true to herself, she clearly finds pleasure in being shocking and controversial. Even her close ones don’t seem to comprehend her and throughout the play we wonder whether she herself fully knows the motivation of her actions.

Galactia isn’t the only interesting character. Her young lover is an artist herself (and a married one!) which makes their affair and passionate fights interesting to watch. Similarly confused to his partner he creates and interesting character only seemingly lacking a moral spine. Other female characters are also strong and convincing, especially the critic played by Elizabeth Akudugu. Galactia’s daughters perhaps don’t have the biggest impact on the play but the actresses were given a chance of being other characters as well. Seeing females in male roles should remind us about the evolution of the theatre, in which back in the Shakespearean days women weren’t allowed to perform at all and even female parts were played by male actors. Speaking of which, I shouldn’t forget about the remarkable performances of other male actors involved, whom I would have mentioned by name, had the Baxter Theatre published the full cast with their roles. Call me a peasant but mentioning the actors by their names and surnames accompanied solely by the names of plays they were in, isn’t enough. Pics or didn’t happen, Baxter!

The play certainly touches upon important and timeless issues. What’s the artist’s accountability for his art, if any? What price should one be willing to pay to stay true to oneself? Where is the line between being us and respecting the needs and feelings of others? Last but not least, does greatness always have to be alienating?  Even though “Scenes from an Execution” are to a vast extent about serious matters, there’s a lot of humor in the play. At points it’s very funny, yet in a dark sarcastic way. The acting and the scale of the story make it one of the best play I’ve seen in Cape Town. I highly recommend it to anyone whose looking for a play that both entertains and encourages reflection.

 

Family Issues – a Lesson in Empathy

Posted on by zlotybaby

sad childIf your parents and family have always surrounded you with love, supported and shown interest in the person you are and want to be (and not the one they’d like you to be), that’s great. Nevertheless, you’re more than likely in the minority.

Family issues vary as each and every family has its own. Sometimes it’s a dirty secret which takes the form of the brother, who with all the opportunities he had, became a no-good sponge, forever dependent on the parents. Another time it’s religious disagreements between the parents wanting their child to follow a religion while he or she is an incorrigible atheist (or the other way round). Last but not least, there are the unspoken issues of the seemingly functional families that no one wants ever to surface (ask Norman Bates). The point is, we all have our dirty family secrets, our grudges and disagreements. And yet, it doesn’t seem like it teaches people any empathy regarding such issues.

Obviously there are expectations of how families should (appear to) be. You should be nice to your folks and co, you should keep in touch with them, you should be excited to see them when you didn’t for a long time. If for whatever reasons you don’t comply with the should’s, people start to question you and assume that there’s something wrong with you. Asking a deeper question and wondering whether maybe there’s something wrong with the other side isn’t rewarding for most. For how will you gossip about someone’s family you don’t know? It’s much easier to label the person you know as weird and spread the word. At the same time there may be plenty of reasons why someone doesn’t want to tell you the details of their familial relationships and gives you a blanket answer such as “we don’t get on well”. The first explanation is usually – you’re just not important enough in their life and don’t deserve to know more.

It’s not just about not telling those who don’t matter, however, but most of those who matter too. People often get uncomfortable with the truth. Tell them about a running drinking habit in the family and how you’re scared that you’ll develop it one day. Try to confide in someone years of psychological abuse. I’m not even talking here about those whose scars are so deep they’ll never recover after what’s been done to them. Others don’t want to know because it makes them uncomfortable but if someone’s issues make you uncomfortable, have you ever thought how uncomfortable they make the person who’s experiencing them feel?

The feeling of being uncomfortable and the urge of others to silence you is one thing but the lack of sensitivity is another. When you go through the difficult decision of confiding in someone, their answer is often dismissive. Your dad’s been emotionally and physically absent from your life? Bitch, please, think about all all these kids in India who have their limbs cut off so that they make better beggars! Functional alcoholism? What’s that? My other friend had her biological father hitting her and killing cigarettes on her, now, that’s a story! We forget that the same events can affect other people more than other. We also never remember that even though there’s always someone who’s worse off, it’s not a reason to deny someone else the right to share their own pain. We wouldn’t like the same to happen to us when talking about our problems, now, would we?

Unfortunately, this is exactly the sort of relationships we have these days. We’re comfortable with nice and easy. Maybe we can handle a friend telling us about a break-up but only as long as they don’t dwell on it too much. Don’t tell me about your childhood traumas, though. Nobody has time for that! I’m not saying here that we should share our emotional depths with everyone because oversharing is oversharing but is there really such a thing as oversharing with friends? Last but not least, if we’re acquaintances can we maybe sometimes give people the benefit of the doubt and understand that we’re all like icebergs rather than judge them?

The comments section is all yours, Rinsers. Why are we so harsh towards others? Why can’t we listen to someone’s story and why do we want to silence the voices of suffering?

The Mother Hen – The Women at Fault for Indulging The Mama’s Boy

Posted on by EnglishRosiee

Mother Hen

I spend an awful lot of time complaining about the lack of alpha males left in the world and how tired I am of my constant encounters with Mama’s Boys. Look, I’m not hating on guys that love their mothers (in the conventional mother-son way – no incest here please!) and have healthy relationships with their family. Actually,  I think having solid, long-term relationships that stem from childhood are probably a good thing when it comes to forming functional relationships as an adult. However, dealing with men who are incapable of doing the simplest of tasks does become tiresome. Cooking a simple dinner, loading the laundry and driving oneself home from soccer practice shouldn’t be rocket science for anyone with half a brain. Right? Well not so for today’s Mama’s Boys.  In today’s post, I want delve deeper into this problem and ask who is to blame for the existence of this mutation of the male species?

Well, let’s start by looking at a few factors…

Blame The Mothers

Yes, let’s begin with the obvious. Mothers who’ve failed to cut the umbilical cord with their 30-something son have a lot to answer for. Of course, it’s natural for a Mum to want the best for her little boy but if she hasn’t told him to get off his lazy ass, get a job and most importantly move out of home by their early-mid 20s…well then she is doing her progeny no favours and better kiss goodbye to her prospects of becoming a grandmama!

As cheesy as it sounds, parents are supposed to give their kids wings so they can fly and these Mothers need to bite the bullet, set their little brats free and get over their selfish fears of empty nest syndrome. Honestly, as much as good Mothers are indispensable, no fully-functioning man should need his Mama do his laundry, feed him his favourite breakie or tuck him in a night (let him find himself a girl/boyfriend for that last one, hey?).

The Mama’s Boy Himself 

Despite what was said above. I’m really in no position to criticise anyone’s parenting. It’s the one job in the world that I believe no-one can do perfectly.  You can give your child everything – designer goods, organic foods, a private school education (and of course a lot of your precious time and money) but chances are they will still turn out a little bit wrong. Blaming the Mamas only really gets us so far in our investigations.

Parents can sometimes smother their child even when they mean well. There comes a time when it falls to the child assert their independence. I believe most kids do this in their early teenage years. Sadly though, it seems like some people missed the memo. These guys certainly lack a desire to be independent and take ownership for their lives if they choose to continue indulging Mummy Dearest in such a way.

I hate to break it to you boys but there really is no such thing as a free lunch, not even where Mummy is concerned. Sure, she takes care of your every need (well almost) but don’t expect her to keep quiet comes to the important decisions in your life. And the truth is, most women would have more respect for guy that lives in a little studio and drives around in old school mini cooper rather than date the guy that lives a life of luxury with his Mama in her Camps Bay mansion and has to ask to borrow the family BMW to impress his date.

Women’s Liberation Movements

I risk being killed by the raging feminists for this one. Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful for the suffragettes and people who put their lives on the line to afford us all the rights we have today and I’m certainly not advocating we go back in time. But I do think that as women have become increasingly independent and gained greater equality in terms of education and employment with their male counterparts, there have been certain negative effects on the men psyche.

We are all well aware now about the man-defecit caused by the number of well-educated women outnumbering men in many developed countries. Sure, that means that some of us have to take one for the team and date down. But one has to wonder, have these developments also given reason for men to become lazy, needy and reliant on their woman to be the breadwinner?  How much have better rights for woman served to emasculate men to such an extent that they think it’s cool a woman to do EVERYTHING in a relationship. Cooking, cleaning, child care, bringing home the bacon and while we are in let her do some manual labour as well? We all know women can multi-task, after all!

The Women That Date Them aka The Mother Hen

Enough playing the blame game. It’s time for a bit of self-reflection, ladies. Much of the reason why these good for nothing creatures have been allowed to exist is thanks to the women who indulge their bad behaviour (and this time I’m not dissing his Mama!). If for some reason, like yours truly,  keep attracting the Mama’s boy spend some time figuring out why these foolish fools see you are a prime target.

Deep down there is a Mother Hen in most chicks. Sure, the nurturer is obviously more evident in some of us than others. And you know what? The Mama’s boys can sense it a mile off. It’s not long before they’ll be giving you those puppy dog eyes and kindly request that you whip them up a batch chocolate chip cookies (just the way Mama does!), run around after them picking up their dirty socks and buy them the latest computer game (because you know Mama always rewards him for being a good boy!).

It would easy for me to sit here and say treat them mean to keep them keen but that truly is easier said than done. When we are into someone it’s natural to want to treat them well. In Why Men Love Bitches they advise you not to show a guy your super keen on him by cooking him a three-course gourmet dinner but instead they say act nonchalant by inviting him around for burnt popcorn. Yes, there are plenty of chicks out there could burn water but there are also some of us who genuinely enjoy baking up a storm in the kitchen and would find it near impossible to feed burnt popcorn to their worst enemy, never mind someone they had eyes for!

That said, while I don’t think it’s a crime to spoil a guy who deserves it on occasion, Us Mother Hens do need to learn a thing or two about how not to indulge a Mama’s Boy. There are certain things everyone (both guys and girls) need to do for themselves so don’t be an enabler. Learn to put him in his place and let him know when he is out of line. If he runs off crying to Mummy so be it. Get on with your life. Remember that as much as he may try to find a woman that is a younger  version of his Mama it is highly unlikely anyone will ever come close. Chances are he’ll end up marrying the girl that burns the popcorn while good old Mother Hen is left to enjoy that gourmet three-course feast all on her lonesome.

OK Rinsers. Essay over. Now your turn. Keeping it simple. Who do you think is to blame for the existence of the Mama’s boy?

5 Bullshit Beliefs of a “Nice Guy”

Posted on by zlotybaby

fuck-you-bitch-im-a-nice-guy“I’m such a nice guy but girls just don’t like guys like me”. How many times have you heard this sentence? Let me quote Tywin Lannister from the Games of Thrones: Any man who must say, “I am the king” is no true king. In other words, a self-proclaimed “nice guy” is just an entitled person who thinks he “deserves” every woman he chooses because he claims to be “decent”. It’s  so fucked up I don’t even know where to start. I’ll try, however, with number 1 of the list of 5 bullshit beliefs of a “nice guy”

1. I’m a nice guy she SHOULD like me

Women shouldn’t do anything other than what they feel they want to do, including choosing a partner they like. There may be a million of reasons why one person doesn’t want to be with another person, even if the reason is that they prefer someone who treats them not in a nice way. A truly nice guy would respect a woman’s choice not to pursue a romantic relationship with him, even if it hurts him. Furthermore, if he really cares about the girl’s well-being he would actually be happy for her if she found someone who she truly clicks with. After all, not being you, doesn’t mean, being an asshole.

2. Girls are just after looks

Looks are important and so is attraction but we have a saying in Polish which roughly translates into “every monster will find his or her admirer”. If someone’s not attracted to you, they’re just not attracted to you. You making an issue out of it paradoxically makes you even less attractive. What is more, a lot of “nice guys” complain about women being into looks only while it’s actually often true for them. They want the good looking girls who take care of themselves but at the same time don’t think their beer belly and oily hair could be a problem. Life isn’t only about getting, gentlemen, but also about giving. Do you truly represent what you’re looking for in a partner?

3. I’ve always been there for her!

Ah yes! My favorite. You’re such a “nice” guy that you planned in cold blood that if you’re being helpful and supportive to a lady she will eventually want you for her life partner. Then when it doesn’t happen, you’re very upset. How exactly does that make you a nice guy and not a sociopath who does good deeds hoping to get something in return? That’s certainly not love. If you really feel someone is taking advantage of you and using you then it’s up to you to not let her. Being around doesn’t mean being into someone so don’t confuse being friendly with being interested. Just btw it’s usually rather clear if a girl likes you in the “let’s get married and have babies way”. If it’s not evident than most probably you’re trying to score in a competition you’re not even participating in.

4. But I’m REALLY nice

Cats are nice, dogs are nice, fluffy pillows are nice, most humans are nice too. You’d like a girl to date you because you’re like most things in the world? Being nice is non-negotiable. Now, what else do you have an offer? Can you support yourself and would be an equal partner financially? Do you take good care of your looks and health? Are you independent from your parents? Do you have a passion? Do you mostly enjoy your life and couldn’t be summarized as a negative person? Do you take responsibility for your life or are you entitled and blame everyone and their dog for your failures? And last but not least, do you even like yourself? Maybe there’s more to girls not choosing you than just them not liking “nice” guys. Just saying…

5. Girls NEVER choose me

Imagine there was a range of chocolate bars in a shop. Some of them have nice packaging but taste disgusting, others have nice packaging and taste great. We are all looking for the latter in our partner – he or she must both look good and “taste” good in our opinion. Now imagine this chocolate bar that is wrapped in toilet paper and tastes like poo. Would you like to eat it? Exactly. Maybe if ALL the girls reject you there’s something wrong with you and not with them. But, hey, the good news is that you can turn into a nice chocolate bar from the poopy one! You just need to stop blaming the world for your lack of success with women and take responsibility for who and how you are. Trust me, there will be plenty of women interested in the best version of you.

Dear Rinsers, have you encountered many passive aggressive “nice guys”? What do you think about their bullshit beliefs?