#EnglishRosiee’s EPIC Tinder Fail in the Motherland aka Sri Lanka

Sri Lanka

Rinsers, I can only apologise for the radio silence of late. I all fairness I don’t even have much of a legit excuse. Sure, I’ve been busy doing better things (not men, just things) but unfortunately, my latest adventure failed to provide with much matter for this dating blog. So, I’ve recently returned from a long-awaited trip to the motherland aka Sri Lanka. Having not been back to the land of my people, I decided I would try to keep an open mind when it came to scouting out the local dating scene. To be fair, the last time I was there I was very much young, free but NOT single and Tinder and the like hadn’t come into being.  So, I put all my preconceptions aside and started swiping my life away.  Sadly, not much came of it. The banter was mediocre. The dates were non-existent. And I was left with even more reason to question everything that was wrong with the world. Lets elaborate here on why the Tinder experience was such an utter failure.

Tinder is ONLY for Poor People (Apparently)

Being a past Tinder GOLD user (I’ve now canceled my subscription), naturally, I was going to use this as a means for some groundwork before I landed in the Motherland. So naturally, I asked a contact where I should be swiping from if I wanted to match with Colombo’s most eligible bachelors. Much use that was as I was decidedly informed that Tinder in Sri Lanka was only for poor people and I should therefore just cut my losses and delete the app. Perhaps I should have taken said advice, but you know me, glutton for punishment. So to my detriment, I just carried on swiping my life away.

Declaring that you have a ‘sex’ blog is NOT a good ice breaker

At this stage, I’ve spent years perfecting my Tinder profile and people I’ve shown it to says it comes across pretty well. But Tindering in Sri Lanka did reveal one major flaw. So, I openly state that I’m a ‘sex’ blogger on my Tinder profile. My past experience has shown that this is a) something that evokes a bit of curiosity and grabs people’s attention and b) its a good starting point for a bit of cheeky banter (and c) its also a way to drive traffic to the blog!). Sadly, in Sri Lanka the men took this fact a little too literally with a SO many asking whether I’d actually be up for writing a feature on them and trialing their skills in order to do so. Sigh.

Having a Brit passport makes you ‘easy’ 

So, I’ve always thought my Brit passport would make me marriage material. This is not so. To be fair, it’s not the first time I’ve heard this but it seems like SL guys, like probably many others across the globe, think of Brit women as ‘easy’. While I’m probably still on the more prudish side of the spectrum (I’m all talk), I do speak in sexual innuendo most of the time but that doesn’t mean I’d spread my leg for every rabid dog that came along (no judgment if you do though). No real clues as to the reasoning behind it, but the rate at which my Tinder convos escalated into ‘So, when can we meet for a shag-fest ?’ was considerably higher than the rate here in the RS of A. Perhaps, its because the average chick seems to live a more sheltered existence than us Brits (read: still asking Daddy for a hall pass to go out in the evening in your 30s) or maybe its my bad for being the type of chick that Tinders on a 2 week holiday, but I got the distinct impression that as soon as the guys learned you from Blighty, they thought you were nothing more than a sex toy to them.

Why would anyone possibly Tinder on holiday, anyway?

This is a question I got not only from the Tinder boys themselves but people in general. Of course, considering my dating history and recent misadventures during my stint in exile in London town, you’d think I would have learned about inadvertently falling in love (or whatever) with people who were based in geographically inconvenient locations. To be fair, I didn’t have any intention about finding my Prince Charming in the Motherland but as I’ve always maintained you need to put yourself out there if you want to improve your dating skills. Of course, flirting and the like come more naturally to some people but I think one of the few redeeming features of the modern tech-savvy dating world is that it allows us to have the opportunity to essentially ‘practice’ dating. It would be lovely for your dream guy to fall into your lap and there to be a magical connection but such stories are few and far between so I think working on your dating game raises your confidence so your not a complete bumbling buffoon when the right person does come along. On another note, my past experience, both on ‘Love Island’ and having tindered with tourists in Cape Town, has revealed that tindering on holiday is a great way to get some unique insights into a place from a local perspective (providing that the guys aren’t totally lecherous sex pests). So yeah, that’s my logic for you.

And if you thought Cape Town was a small world…

I’ve complained time and time again about how Cape Town is a small world and the chances of you receiving a friend’s sloppy seconds when fishing specimens out of the dating pool is highly likely. I was always under the impression that such small world encounters were much less probable while you are on holiday (with a more erratic schedule and never really visiting the same place more than once) but I was truly wrong there. One of my potential tinders who I was banned from meeting due to the fact that a) my family decided he looked like a serial killer and b) he acted like one when he almost crashed a family outing (don’t ask!). Add to that the fact that I’m an old lady who doesn’t believe its appropriate to meet at 9pm for a Tinder date and there I was thinking I’d burnt my bridges. Until I was randomly out souvenir shopping and said Tinder dude jumped in front of me and introduced himself. Weird. To be fair, he looked more geek than serial killer and I’m sure with my advanced boxing skills I could have taken him if I needed to. But regardless, I was glad to be saved (from listening to his spiel about how our chance encounter was written in the stars) by an UberTuk.

So there you have it. ‘#englishrosiee’s failed Tinder experiment in the Motherland.  I can now only strive to provide you with better content on my next international dating mission.

So Rinsers. Have you ever swiped on holiday? How did you find it? Do you think dating on holiday a pointless activity? Or do you think it has its perks? Have you got any LOL-worthy stories to share. Please tell me so I don’t feel so bad about my failures. 

 

8 comments

  1. I’ve always loved the term “sex pest”. Lol. It seems so innocent to American ears. Like someone is just poking you on the shoulder saying “hey… hey… hey… wanna have sex?” which I suppose is kind of what it is!

    Being able to Tinder on holiday kind of shows how comfortable you are with yourself. I could never because I’m always afraid to just meet people and hang out without it becoming a “thing”. Tinder *could* be a great way to just meet people though if, as you said, they aren’t perverts. Perverted women are less of a concern for me than are desperate women who try too hard to turn the date into something it isn’t.

    I’ve sworn off online dating completely now. Way too many horrible experiences lately. It seems like you have more fun doing it… well maybe not more fun but… I don’t know. Don’t want to put words in your mouth, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

      • MEDS! Lol. I’m on yet another new medication which seems to make me more social so I’ve actually been doing some “real life” flirting. Nothing serious yet but I do have a couple of hopeful prospects. “The Waitress” across the street from where I work is absolutely gorgeous and we seem to get along but there’s still self-doubt. I get along with a lot of beautiful women who want nothing physical to do with me. D:

        Liked by 1 person

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