Does Sex Always Need To Have Such Negative Consequences ?

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There was once upon a time in my life (when I was a child) where I thought that everything had to be deep and meaningful. Perhaps it is as a result of all my dealings with the Tinderverse making me jaded but I no longer think that everything has to be a BIG F*CKING DEAL. Just the other night, I was having a conversation with a ‘wise’ old man who basically called me out for being sex obsessed (yes, perhaps this has to do with the last potential suitor that was being presented to me being a virgin or thereabouts – tfu, tfu!) and said that maybe at some point in my life I would realise that sex always comes with consequences.

It all sounds rather dramatic, doesn’t it? Well, to be fair I do think that every action does have to have some sort of reaction. But when it comes to sex, does the reaction always have to be so monumental? And beyond that, does it necessarily have to be presented in such a grim and negative light ? (I’m totally expecting a backlash from Team god!). But let’s break this down and see if we be making such a big deal about what may be nothing more than a little romp in the hay.

Oops Babies

Let’s begin by stating the obvious. We don’t need to dwell on it, though as I think that anyone perusing a ‘sex’ blog will surely be acquainted with the birds and the bees. But whether or not you agree that procreation is the sole purpose of sex, ‘oops babies’ do happen from time to time.

If you are not inclined to be a parent just yet, or ever, then limit the possibility of this by ensuring you use contraception. And yes, it is on both parties to take the necessary precautions. As much as there are men out there that want to sow their wild oats with no thought for the long term implications, there are also plenty of stories out there of psychotic baby obsessed women that try to trap men by forgetting to take the pill and what what. So, it’s on you to watch your back.

STDs

Now here is one consequence that people seem to downplay A LOT especially when they think there is minimal chance of an oops baby making an appearance. It really doesn’t matter if he is firing blanks or she is menopausal, if she has had her tubes tied or he has had the snip, nobody is immune from the risks posed by STDs. Don’t take a person’s word about their magic number or the fact that they are a 30-something virgin, if you plan on ditching the raincoat for whatever reason then make sure you and your bedroom buddy get tested.

The Emotional Consequences

Beyond the obvious physical consequences listed above, it’s also important to consider some of the emotional effects of sex. As much as I’m no longer as idealistic as I once was, I’m by no means a WISO (have we established whether they actually exist yet?). I honestly don’t subscribe to this ‘sex as a sport’ kinda attitude. Let’s be real, even if it is only a one night stand, there is still a certain level of intimacy that you share with a sexual partner, that you wouldn’t necessarily have with your tennis partner or running buddy (yeah, yeah, I know people can multi-task :)).

Of course, sex with the wrong person can leave one feeling a bit trashy. If the person never calls you or creeps out without saying goodbye, you may feel a bit rejected or like nothing more than a disposable sex toy.  That said, I do think we can manage our emotional reactions, if we manage our expectations properly. Perhaps it comes with experience, but eventually most people will learn that not all sexual encounters are meant to leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Some are just light and fluffy, and if you come to terms with that then things become are little easier I’d expect.

On the flipside, the emotional consequences don’t always have to leave a person feeling rubbish. Sex also has the potential to give you a bit of an ego-boost (ask anyone who has suffered through a long sex drought and feared they may never see action ever again!). Also, I’m sure like with most forms of cardio, there are endorphins and other good things involved too.

Big Os

Whether it’s with the love of your life or your booty call, everyone should enjoy some good sex in their lives without always dwelling on the negative aspects or bringing all your emotions into play. Of course, there are risks but isn’t there in almost everything we do? You are never not going to drive your car because of the risk of a car crash or hijacking, you are just going to take sensible precautions to limit these risks. By the same token, we shouldn’t steer clear of sex just because we are afraid of such consequences. I think we also need to look at the positives, you have to have some sex in order to get good sex and that elusive Big O…so rather than being all that serious and overthinking things, just go with it and enjoy the good times while at the same time not being a total dumbass are getting knocked up unnecessarily.

So of course, like everything, sex does have a whole range of consequences. That said, it isn’t all doom and gloom. We are all adults here (hopefully) capable of rationalizing these things and using some degree of common sense. Experience also helps, so go get some. Nobody really wants to die a virgin. Don’t let religious dogma or societal norms govern how you choose to conduct you sex life. If you want to wait for your wedding night, then do that because it is what you want and not because Team god, or another such external actor, is going to judge you for it.  And if, like the majority of people, you choose to have some fun in the bedroom while on the hunt for your #happilyeverafter (ow whatever else you are after), then do that too without stressing about all the what ifs. No guarantees it’ll be a walk in the park but it’ll at least give you an idea of what’s out there and help you figure out what it is you actually want both in the bedroom and beyond.

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7 comments

  1. Finally got a match on Tinder after 2 months of staggering aimlessly through an arid sex-desert and after four days of wonderful conversation and many shared interests, she told me she had genital herpes. That was a deal breaker. Part of me feels empathetic and a bit sad for her… it’ll be really difficult to find a decent guy who wants to deal with that for the rest of his life… all because (allegedly) her ex husband cheated on her and gave it to her. But at the same time, I’m more important to me. This was the nail in the coffin that finally got me to delete all of my dating profiles again. At least she was up front about it, you’re right though you can’t trust what people say most of the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think for most people it takes some time and experience to get to this stage when sex isn’t SUCH a big deal. As I said, I used to be very idealistic about and also thought it was something that I could use as a bargaining chip…which it isn’t really. And then for many people societal norms, culture and god confuse matters as well.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think it’s a matter of experience but also exposure. Whenever I didn’t meet anyone for a while, even flirting was SUCH a big deal. In more “busy” periods I was much more chilled. But yeah, definitely, everyone telling you as a woman that you have to look for “the One” and not just enjoy life, meet cool people, have some fun and see what happens doesn’t help.

        Liked by 1 person

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