There’s a new guy in your life and you really like him. He’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s charming. He also says all the right things! The only problem is that all he does is talk. He wouldn’t say such nice things about you and make plans, if he didn’t like you, you think…
Your thinking makes sense from a point of view of a person who’s serious about someone. However, a guy who’s all talk, no action has different reasons for doing what he’s doing. You don’t have to keep wondering why anymore. Here are 5 possible reasons of his behavior:
1. He’s Not That Into You
Unfortunately, sometimes it’s as simple as that. If a guy is all talk no action it may mean that he’s simply not that into you.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re just trying to set up the first date or you’ve been on a few and you’ve already slept together. If a man keeps saying a lot of nice things to you but his actions contradict what he says he feels, he’s probably not that into you.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you or doesn’t find you attractive. It’s just that you’re not a match strong enough for him to make a proper effort.
If you point out to him that he doesn’t keep his promises, there are many excuses you may hear. They range from reasonable to outrageous depending on what kind of man you’re dealing with. I know it’s convenient for you to believe in them but before you do please remember what I’ll tell you now. Life is about priorities and people make time and find ways to do what’s important to them. If he never has time to see you and cancels on you last minute, that’s because he doesn’t care enough about you.
2. He’s Sexy and He Knows It
It’s nice to have a good looking man by your side. An attractive man just like an attractive woman is often aware of his looks and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, sometimes a good looking man has a very fragile ego and is a narcissist. This doesn’t mean that he loves himself too much but he certainly behaves as if he did (I’ve written more about this issue in my post How We see Ourselves Matters a Lot in Dating).
This kind of guy doesn’t feel he has to keep his word because he’s special enough to do what he wants to, while you should be grateful for his attention when he has time for you. He behaves like he thought he was god’s gift to humanity and wants you to show him incessant adoration and appreciation.
The way to get a man like this is to act needy and show him that he’s the only person that can soothe you. The reason why you should not do it is because living with such a man is super challenging. He reacts to admiration like a moth to a flame so when your relationship matures and you have disagreements, he’ll quickly move on to the next someone who’ll blindly appreciate him.
3. He’s Actually Unavailable
Sometimes the reason why your guy keeps making promises and telling you sweet words but never follows with action can be more difficult to guess. Sure, some dumbasses post their pictures with a wedding ring on Tinder but most involved guys are more subtle than that.
Jip, I’m suggesting that he may be already married or in a relationship! In this case it’s easy for him to promise you a weekend away but to manage to actually do it without his wife or his partner realising is much more difficult. He may even really go away with you but… well, the circumstances aren’t on his side. The morality of being the other woman is something you have to consider for yourself.
In terms of your chances of happily ever after, they’re quite low. Most probably you’ll just have to deal with the painful realities of being the other woman until you have enough. Even if he leaves his wife for you, he may be more likely to do to you what he’s done to her. Have you seen The Wife? Just saying…
4. He Wants You to Chase Him
There’s a certain kind of man for whom going quiet or not doing what he said what he was going to do is to check whether YOU care enough to follow up on it. In other words, he wants you to chase him.
A man like this is insecure and doesn’t manage to hide it. Often he’s a “nice guy” who was initially scared to make a move on you and acted only after you made it VERY clear it was safe to do so and he wouldn’t get rejected.
With this type of guy, if you don’t do what he expects you to do (= send a follow up message), you’ll get an angry call or a message from him with emotionally loaded blaming. We’re talking here about something along the lines of “I was really looking forward to do XYZ with you but seeing that you don’t care to check whether we’re still on…”, after which you’ll have a lot of explaining to do!
Dating an insecure person of this sort is a nightmare because you have to keep reassuring him that your feelings for him are real. They can’t handle any, even the most loving, criticism and constantly make a victim of themselves.
My relationship with a person like this ended somewhere between him cursing the Universe for its unfairness because “other men are fat but don’t have men boobs” and him almost crying at my suggestion of a sex game where he pretends to be a stranger (“Why would you want to sleep with a stranger? Don’t you love ME?”).
Sounds fun? I don’t think so. Listen to aunt #zlotybaby and run for the hills now!
5. You’re One of Many
One thing is when a guy is hiding the fact that he’s married or in a different kind of a relationship, another if you’re being played along with many other women. There’s a number of new dating trends 2019 but most probably he’s just trying to keep his options open.
A guy like this would often have an astonishing number of female friends and keep in touch with all his exes too. He’ll be even open with you about it to some extent. If you saw his picture on Facebook with a different girl and you asked him how come was he out with her if the two of you were supposed to meet up, he’d tell you it was and old friend he didn’t have an opportunity to catch up with for ages. What he’d leave out is that they have sex during such catch-ups…
Remember that you’re not one of testers to sample before buying. If you see a guy for a few times but he just keeps seeing “female friends” instead of doing what he’s planned to do with you send him to hell.
It’s never nice to be rejected by someone you like, I get it. Unfortunately, it’s not enough for you to want to be with him, he needs to want it too. When the guy you’re into doesn’t keep his word, there’s no point in forcing things. He’s probably doing it because of one of the five reasons I’ve enumerated and all of them would just lead to more tears from your side in future.
If they want to leave you, let them. Don’t follow up on unkept promises, don’t call him on his bullshit. Let him go and play his games somewhere else.
Which reason do you think makes the guy you’re dealing with all talk and not action? Have you met many guys like this? The comments’ section is there for you to complain!