The Changing Landscape of Tinder Dating

tinder-gold-chain-3x2.jpg

I’ve now had a love-hate relationship with Tinder for the +/- 5 years. Sure, some sabbaticals have been been self-imposed. As for the other hiatuses, I’m actually very thankful to my exes for taking me off the market (albeit temporarily) and giving me a break from the cesspit that is Tinder. I first joined Tinder in the aftermath of the biggest break of my life, and at time I must admit the whole prospect of an endless stream of ‘eligible’ bachelors was pretty exciting. However, as I keep trying to explain to my smug married friends, the novelty of online dating soon wears off. Even the most dynamic people, get bored senseless when having to explain the life story to a stranger for the millionth time and eventually there comes a time when one mediocre date simply merges into the next. This is why breaks for dating apps , both organic and self-imposed, are good for the soul. Also, on a practical level, you’d think the pool, more so in a small place like Cape Town at least, would have likely changed a fair bit if you re downloading said tools after a year or so. In reality though, the changes are negligible. Same shi*t, different day.

That said, as I’ve always maintained, Tinder and similar platforms are very much a necessary evils if one wants to save themselves from a fate worse than sad spinsterhood! Yup, so as we’ve deduced you’ve gotta be in it to win it. But things are constantly changing (and not always for the better!). So in today’s post I’m going to be looking at some of the ways I’ve noticed Tinder dating changing over the course of the last half-decade. Here goes.

Sifting Through The Deadwood (and then some) Is More Of A Minefield

Tinder is the most basic of all dating platforms. Basically, the only filters you have at your disposal are ‘sex’ and ‘distance’. Unlike other platforms like OKCupid which actively let you eliminate people based on factors such as – race, religious/political beliefs, whether you have/want children, whether you’ve been divorced, level of education, height/weight , sporting abilities etc. The list goes on and then you can even filter further by answering certain contentious questions on issues like abortion, euthanasia, hatred of vegans, etc. And apps like Bumble offer a nice middle ground. While it doesn’t formally allow you to apply these filters, it does acknowledge their importance by allowing people to list the vital stats on such issues at the top of their profile.

Personally, I’ve always said people should be unapologetic about what they are looking for in a future partner so I a huge fan of filters because they save everyone time in this regard. If a White Supremacist wants to be a racist bigot when it comes to who he dates, it’s OK with me. Offering him a way of filtering out all the ethnic minorities is great because it saves everyone a) time and b) the pain of potentially having to interact with a such a person.

Anyway, the point is having no filters has meant that swiping through Tinder has always been quite an arduous task. But things are different now. In addition, to the usual, illiterate fools, those looking for hookups and the ones with shit tonnes of baggage, you now also have legit sift through foot-fetishists and people looking to for the missing part of their throuple. Seriously, I may come across as narrow minded, I’m an old fashioned girl – I don’t ask for much. Tinder, why do you make my life so difficult? A few extra filters would save everyone so much time.

But Investing In (Tinder) Gold Could Save You Time and Some Of The Bureaucratic Nightmares

So when I was back home in exile, trawling the streets (tinderverse) of London for a bloke, my dad told me the reason I always ended up with cheap men was because I was stingy and used cheap apps. Cheap apps = Cheap Men (apparently). I have mixed feelings about paying for dating platforms. I mean, I don’t consider myself a total muntress so paying to get a date feels a bit like some form of prostitution.

Anyway, I eventually bit the bullet and PAID for a 6 month Tinder GOLD subscription. The subscription basically gives you a handful of extra features – it allows you to see who has already swiped right on you and therefore saves you from having to be exposed to those fools that already rejected you, it gives you a free boost which apparently allows you to be seen by more potential suitors, and finally it allows you to swipe anywhere in the world, which is great when you are travelling and want to experience the Tinderverse of a new place, as yours truly did on Love Island.

So I have to admit, things started well. With my first match on Tinder GOLD having, brains, beauty and banter (despite living in butt fuck nowhere and having almost no time for me), I was beginning to think my investment had paid off. But sadly, I spoke too soon. Sure, Tinder Gold speeds things up a little…but this little occurrence was just anomaly. So on the whole, gold or no gold, you’ll still find yourself dealing with much the same riff raff.

Window Shopping Can Be Fun 

As I’ve previously said, in relation to my adventures on Love Island, the Tinder Gold feature that allows you to swipe anywhere in the world which has it’s benefits. It allows you to window shop in foreign markets before you consider booking flights and exploring the options in person.

And Disadvantages

Sadly, it has its downsides too. For example, it also allows you to give into the temptation of stalking ex-boyfriends to see if they too are tindering up a storm, which is probably not so good for your mental health.

Also, exposing yourself to other markets where you could potentially be meeting high-grade men isn’t all that great, especially if you aren’t in a position to access the specimens.

Oh, but these things work both ways. It’s all well and good matching with a hottie. But it’s not so fun, finding out half way through a convo that he matched with you all the way from Australia.

Literacy Levels Seem To Be Dwindling Even Further

Is it possible for the intelligence level of the human population to decline? Surely, people can’t get any thicker? I assure you, my time of Tinder has well and truly proven to me that they can? I understand that communication may not be your forte but bearing in mind that you only have a 100 words with which to describe yourself, you might think you’d be able to get through that without any ridiculous errors. Nope. Sigh.

InkedIliterate_LI

And Let’s Not Even Start On Social Etiquette  

OK, OK. Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh. English isn’t everyone’s first language and all. But there is something to be said for a little bit of social decency.  It’s been apparent for sometime now that people are much braver when they are operating behind a computer screen or cellular device. But honestly, it’s not only that they are just pervy or rude, nowadays you encounter guys that are just downright weird.  As in seriously, what exactly are they hoping to achieve?

And because a picture sometimes speaks a thousand here is one example for your entertainment.

Never Had A GF

So, let me tie things up before I depress myself any further. Despite certain bonus features that the paid version of Tinder affords us, there are lots of new weird and wonderful challenges that present themselves to the Tinder daters of today. Perhaps I’m just becoming jaded in my old age but with all these hurdles we have to overcome when it comes to finding yourself a date (never mind a vaguely entertaining one) you begin to wonder whether dying alone is really such a bad thing. And then you remind yourself that a life without sex is no life at all. Sigh. So you keep at it.

OK Rinsers, What are your views on the changing landscape of Tinder dating? Is it getting worse?  Is all this swiping just a waste of time? Do you think Tinder should introduce some form of filtering system? Are there better apps out there? Please enlighten me in the comments section below. 

16 comments

  1. You know, my father-in-law says that 90% of everything is shit and I agree.
    90% of job offers are shit, 90% of people in the world just do what they’re told without putting much thought into anything and 90% of people you meet won’t be your friends.
    I think once this becomes your perspective than it’s a bit easier to go through the deadwood, knowing that there’s only 10% of sort of eligible bachelors and you’re trying to get to them.
    I don’t think you’re too harsh about spelling issues of the inhabitants of Tinderverse. I have to admit I’ve swiped people left for “should of(f)” instead of “should have”. We all make mistakes and blah blah but similarly like you try to make your business card look flawless, you should do the same with your dating profile.
    Sure, some people are actually dyslexic but most are just lazy or careless or don’t care about the kind of language they use. Now, my guess is that as a person who makes money of their proper use of the English language you care about such things and they bug you in a partner. To me it’s just another deal breaker. There’s plenty of people those who “love their sons to bites” (Freudian slip, maybe? Call child protection services?) can date who couldn’t care less about such mistakes! You’re just not one of them. It’s a filter like any other.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Hahaha 😀 I think both #englishrosiee and I would be more forgiving in the case of a blog post (not that ours are ever perfect ;)) or any longer piece of writing but when you can’t spell correctly a sentence or two on your dating profile… That’s BAD.

        Liked by 2 people

    • The Father In Law speaks a lot of sense. In a Jay Shetty podcast I recently heard he also said that dating, like job applications is a numbers game. I think anyone whose been in the game for a while understands this but needs a reminder from time to time because it is easy to get jaded!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yes and I think like with job applications it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a waitress job with lower entry requirements, you’re more likely to find it quickly than if you’re only interested in a CEO position.
        By the same token, if you’re okay if a guy who can’t write a sentence or two without making a mistake or someone who admits he’s never had a gf at almost 40… You know what I mean 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I am “fairy fit” too! Hahahaha. I love posts like this one because I have a LOT of experience with online dating both sober and in my dark years (which were sadly much more successful as far as quantity goes, not necessarily quality).
    I’ve had ZERO luck on Tinder. I don’t need Tinder Gold because I automatically know who swiped right on me… the female equivalents of the guys you posted about. I’ve deduced, at least in my area, that women on Tinder have so many choices and are hit on by so many guys through the app that I have virtually no chance to stand out. I’m currently on month two of my dating-app break.
    OkCupid has always been my lucky app, for some reason. I think a lot of it has to do with the filters you mentioned, although the best filters are locked behind a paywall and I think my self-esteem would suffer even more if I paid for my rejections! Lol.
    I don’t think humanity, as a whole, is getting dumber. I think that dating apps disproportionately attract moronic failures as they lack the social skills, confidence, and intellect to meet the women they *believe* they deserve in real life. Lots of illiterate, unemployed, ex-convicts believe that they somehow deserve (just for being a man) an Instagram model who is also a part-time CEO of a beauty supply franchise. Confidence does go a long way in dating; too much confidence though…
    I’ve thought about paying for Tinder Gold before, thank you for saving me the trouble. Do they have Bumble in South Africa? I haven’t had luck there either, men rarely do on these things, but it’s for more professional, educated people. You might find a better pool. It works the same as Tinder in principle but for some reason, the people there are just… better.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow! So your reply did nothing for my faith in these apps.

      . I think that dating apps disproportionately attract moronic failures as they lack the social skills, confidence, and intellect to meet the women they *believe* they deserve in real life. — you do realise we are all there on these moronic dating apps too, right ? LOL !!

      We do have Bumble in SA although its underdeveloped – so you can swipe through the pool within 5 minutes. I don’t think it has much to do with putting power in the women’s hands but its a slightly better format that Tinder. So, I’m a bit of height Nazi and although I know its wrong discriminate vertically challenged men, its just a thing I have. Bumble at least guarantees me that one little thing, I suppose.

      I dunno whether dating is harder for men or women. I think in general, even on Tinder, the women really have the power to get something going. But there have been a lot of studies to prove that as women have become smarter/ been afforded the opportunities to become more qualified/educated there is a growing defecit in the no.of equally educated men. So for many of us this means dating down. So while men may feel that they have to work harder to get the dates, I think the number of quality women in the world is growing. But as I said, things are constantly changing….

      Liked by 2 people

      • “as women have become smarter/ been afforded the opportunities to become more qualified/educated there is a growing defecit in the no.of equally educated men.”

        As Zloty said above, 90% of men are not trying very hard. Haha. Women are becoming more educated and professionally successful and men are just staying where they always have and crying about how hard it is out here for a guy. That’s why we now have Incels.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I’d actually go a step further and saying the standard of men is now in decline. Obviously, all my views on historic masculinity are based on movies and books but I think there is something to be said for old fashioned men who would open doors and fight in the wars, etc. Maybe as women’s status in society has grown we’ve emasculated men. I dunno.

        Call me old fashioned but I’m not really into these new fangeled men that can knit and make jewelry. I want a guy that I can rely on to do some basic DIY and throw at punch for me if we are every cornered by bad hombres.

        And it is one thing if it was an equal division of labour in the role reversal but in most cases its not. Most guys want to be BIG MEN but they are no longer willing to be the bread winner. So they talk the talk while their woman is out their slaving. Maybe equality is a facade.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Ha, I liked this response! I definitely agree with you to a great extent. Your perception of the historic man MIGHT be slightly skewed by literature and film, but it would be absurd to say that men today are the same as they were in the 1940s.

        Why? I dunno. It would be worth studying but I doubt modern society would allow such a study to survive without baseless ridicule. You could be right that society has emasculated men… that seems to be the agenda of a small sect of humanity, anyway. Most men I encounter in my day-to-day life are abject cowards but I also work in the child support field so the kind of men I meet are the ones who have 8 children and then abandon them. Don’t worry, the mothers are usually just as bad.

        I was that kind of man for most of my life and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still to some extent; you can’t simply change everything about yourself overnight. But I have been taking an interest in more masculine things lately like leather crafting and carpentry. I’ve always had a deep, primal desire to do these things but was always scared that I wouldn’t be any good at them as I don’t know a single person who can mentor me.

        Thinking back, I know that the reason I got into so many feminine activities is for a few reasons. First, I wasn’t raised to be very masculine. As you said, masculinity has been in decline for more than just our (I’m assuming we’re in the same one) generation. My father wasn’t a very good guy and as such I had virtually no input from him on how I should live. Secondly, I did think that women SAID they found attractive. I didn’t realize until very recently that people are completely full of crap when they tell you what they find attractive! Lastly, it could be genetic. As you said, macho men went off to fight in the wars. The cowards were more likely to survive and produce offspring. That’s a bit cynical and I have no idea if it’s true but it could make sense.

        So, I agree with you in most aspects. I think there are still strong men out there (I’m sure you do too) and I’m striving to be one though I’ll admit I’m not there yet. I’d definitely pay my child support, though. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay, why is this speaking to my whole life!! I’ve been on and off Tinder since high school and I almost never meet up with anyone in real life. I feel like Tinder has “it’s purpose” with anyone you meet in their twenties. The few people I have met up with it never goes anywhere serious and then I delete and log back on. I agree with you, anyone in a fully committed relationship who wants to join the never-ending toxic cycle of Tinder is out of their mind! Enjoy what you have!

    Liked by 2 people

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