Like A Virgin : Would You Date The Sexually Inexperienced?

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The media would have us believe we live in a sex-obsessed society and the chances of you ever encountering a real life virgin in 20s/30s these days is about as likely as you being attracted to a WW2 veteran. But Rinsers, I’m here to tell you that they do still exist well and will do well in to our 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. Although, the world may seem ‘obsessed’ with sex, research shows that most people of this generation (both the single and married types) are not getting as much of bedroom cardio as you’d think.  I’m sure there was a time in most people’s teenage (early 20-something) lives where they wondered if they were some sort of troll that nobody wanted to jump into bed with because it felt like everybody else was getting in on the action except you. If this you now, and you feel under pressure to do something with your V-card (use it, lost it or rip it to shreds) here is a bit of advice for you, from one late bloomer to another : LIE! No one will be any wiser, as long as you um and ah at strategic points, you’ll be just fine and feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. I promise it’ll buy you some time and be a white lie you won’t regret. And chances are if you had the magic virgin detecting power that #zlotybaby has (she is actually pretty good) you’ll probably find that in most cases you won’t be the only Virgin in the room.

Sadly (or not so, depending on how you look at it), things haven’t changed much since the days of my youth. According to an article by the BBC most cherries are popped around 16/17 (but as with the million dollar what’s your number? questions whose to say people don’t just tell us what they think is more acceptable!). In any case, the article also says that most people who lose it before they are ready for it have regretsies. Ah, that said holding out till you are 40 doesn’t guarantee you won’t have regrets the morning after either. Who knows? It could even be worse. So basically do whatever, you may regret it, you may not but as long as it isn’t some unwanted progeny you’ll be sure get over it. Anyway enough advice for Virgins (there’ll be a whole forthcoming e-book on just that). Today I want to pose the question to the more worldly wise amongst us: Would you knowingly date a virgin (or a significantly less experienced person)? Let’s ponder.

So my question was inspired by a recent (decidedly unromantic) encounter I was subject to. He was an incredibly lovely, smart, somewhat good-looking, articulate… ticked all the right boxes and I was even willing to ignore the fact that he was a little vertically challenged (yes, yes I know) and that he identified as religious.  But despite some great banter, something didn’t sit right with me. Sure, this wasn’t my usual type (smoking hot good looks, emotionally stunted posh twats, womanizers, sociopaths, etc) but considering my track record that wasn’t such a bad thing. Hmm…There was constant engagement and conversation but when it came to real-life interactions there were something seriously lacking – MOVES… halfhearted, semi-awkward, misguided forehead kisses. I cannot deal. My suspicions screamed virgin so I called in the cavalry for a second (third, fourth and fifth) opinion and while the jury’s still out we were able to conclude that specimen in question was certainly lacking experience if nothing else. In the end, I decided I’m too much of an old-fashioned girl who didn’t have the inclination to provide sex ed to those less fortunate so I decided to cut my losses and call it a day. NEXT!

From my encounter above, you can tell that my response to dating a virgin (or relatively inexperienced person) was an outright – HELL NO! But thankfully for all of us (yes, it may have been a long time ago but we all held a V-card once upon a time), there are still some altruistic folks that are more open-minded to having a student-teacher-esque relationship. From my research, I think a person’s answer to the question, depends on a number of factors. Let’s break it down.

Gender Dynamics

Let’s say it as it is. As much as people will say it shouldn’t matter, this question means different things depending on whether you are male or female, I suppose. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think guys are probably more open to the idea of dating a virgin than the average women would be. In fact, there are even guys out there who have not-so secret fantasies about getting their hands on a bit of fresh meat. Obviously, there are cougars out there that wouldn’t mind showing an innocent, ‘young’ man the ropes, but I doubt it’s such a prevalent thing.

The Age Factor

Call me ageist but I think how old a person is possession of their V-card is also effects one’s attitude towards them. If you are 24 and dating a 19 year old, it won’t be all that surprising if they are a virgin. However, being a 33 and dating a 30-something virgin, that’s a little less straightforward. You start to ask yourself what have they been up to all these years? Do they intimacy issues? What exactly are they waiting for? Millions of questions which lead me to me to the next point…

The Reasoning Behind It

People have different reasons for holding out. I’m not a big fan of Team God myself, but I understand that they have their reasons for protecting that ever precious V-Card. The fear of that all-powerful sprit in the sky and what the old ladies at church (temple or mosque) would say if the truth were to ever been revealed. Religion is probably the least problematic reason why a person would still be a virgin. In such cases, the situation is easily solvable because eventually they’ll find an equally religious person that’ll understand their reasoning and be willing to wait till the time is right, the stars and moon align and Mr G up there gives you the thumbs. Sorted!

Other reasons might be a bit more complex though. Are the waiting for ‘The One’? Is it due to lack of body confidence? Or maybe they are conflicted about their sexuality? Or it could even be a case of low libido, no libido or asexuality (?!)? Who the hell knows. But in such cases, you need to ask yourself whether you are willing, and capable, to deal with such issues in a partner?

And The Importance They Place On the V-Card

Of course, not everyone is going to reveal their V status to you and it’s not like they go around with VIRGIN stamped across their forehead (and sadly there aren’t many people who hold #zlotybaby’s magic Virgin detecting power) but if you are anything like me you’ll surely have your suspicions about it all.  If the person in question doesn’t place much importance, if any, on the fact that they still hold their V-card then it takes the pressure off a little. If however, they do feel the need to declare it or give you the impression that they’ve been holding out for something special, well, then that is a different story entirely. Unless you’re a heartless brute, I think there is at least some sense responsibility resting on your shoulders knowing that you’ve been chosen as a person’s ‘first time’, especially when it’s something of significance to them.

So, my thoughts on dating a virgin. At this point in my life, I wouldn’t partly because I don’t feel suitably qualified to take on such a responsibility. Not being particularly endeared by religious types and having a tendency to over-analyse would also probably make me question the underlying issues at stake in such an encounter. But fear not, I think it’s important to remember that there are people who think differently out there so help is always at hand. Furthermore, we all have a person out there that was our first. Regardless of whether that person was nothing more than an actual one night stand, a long-term relationship, your #happilyeverafter or something in between, they did exist and so there will be someone out there for anyone who is ready to have that cherry popped.

Share your thoughts in the comments section below rinsers. Have you ever dated a virgin, or someone significantly ? Would you ever date a virgin? Is the situation actually so different between guys and girls when it comes to judging potential partners based on their lack of bedroom experience? Does the V-card become more precious the longer one holds on to it? Talk to me in the comments below.  

 

 

2 comments

  1. I have dated two older virgins and while they were great people, there is a certain unsurmountable immaturity in them. The first virgin I dated was 25 and had the emotional and intellectual capabilities of a 15-year-old. She never knew what I was talking about; it was infuriating. That said, they were also much kinder than women who have been used and abused by 15 men prior to me. It’s hard to go through the relationship meat grinder and come out whole, I suppose. I’m certainly less enamored of women than I was when I was 19.

    Liked by 1 person

    • As you point out there is a fine line between Virgin/inexperienced and being on the path to being the village bicycle. It’s hard to pick an ideal number … but perhaps if you’ve lost count, it’s become meaningless and that’s too much. Ans sexing around is one thing but being jaded because of your encounters is another.

      Liked by 1 person

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