As you’ve probably gauged by now, I’m not half as obsessed about babies as most of my peers. There are a handful of sassy kids that I can tolerate, but to be honest I’m not one of those 30-somethings that seem to have an orgasm every time a small baby enters the room. I’m not a 100% hater but to be fair most kids really do have faces only a mother could love (don’t worry kids, from experience peaking too soon isn’t a good thing!). The truth is most of them just look like Winston Churchill (be honest, now!) and offer limited intellectual stimulation. Puppies, on the other hand – I’m totally broody for! I think both #zlotybaby and I have at some point listed the major arguments for not having (biological) kids – it’s selfish, destroys the planet, can make you FAT, costs the earth, etc, etc but today I want to look at things from another perspective by discussing the fact that unless you have some sort of disorder (which actually lots of people do) whereby they think their offspring shit rainbows, your children WILL disappoint you. It’s guaranteed!
The inspiration for this revelation came to me on Friday night as I gate crashed #zlotybaby and mr zloty’s date night because I really needed to see Rocketman aka the Elton John movie. It’s not your typical rags to riches sob story. Elton, or Reggie Dwight, came from a somewhat average family from the outskirts of London. His Dad, being a typical stiff upper lip Brit army man, didn’t really know how to show affection (although I do think Elton’s obsession with getting hugs was over exaggerated especially as most Brits I know aren’t all that touchy feely). His mum, wasn’t horrible but just seemed a little too self-involved to care about her son’s blossoming musical career. The only person who seemed to appreciate Elton and his superior music ability was his sweet grandmother.
Anyway, even with all the singing, dancing and fabulousness of his life, you still don’t find yourself envious of Sir Elton. Because despite all his success, wealth and general popularity his parents still seem disappointed by him (and his Dad still seems reluctant to cuddle). Of course, the gay thing, likely has something to do with it, as would have commonly been the case for those coming out back in the day. But there has to be more to it than that because it turns out that they knew about his sexuality all along. Surely though, if your son grows up to be one of the greatest musicians of all time, you get let some of your archaic beliefs slide and go with the fabulousness of it all, right? Apparently not.
So to me it seems, that a lot of people go into procreating with this naive belief that maybe their kid/s (because they rarely stop at one) may be the person to cure cancer or save a village of starving children but they rarely contemplate that their child may turn out to be a sociopath, murderer or a drug dealer? And I’m sure you are likely to find more felons in the world than doctors. I’m also afraid to say that many of those crims had parents who thought they’d aspire to greatness (because not all of them were mistakes). No matter how many opportunities you afford you kids and how much you try to impart solid morals on them, they might still turn out to be a deadbeat, if not that they’ll most likely be mediocre like the majority of us.
And it’s not just in terms of career success or general moral standing where kids are likely to disappoint their parents. If you are not married by 30 and popping out some brats by 35, your parents will be wondering what went wrong. If it’s not that, they’ll likely be moaning about the type of blokes you bring home. And I wonder what they’d have to say if you revealed you were actually a good little virgin girl? Well, they’d probably bitch that you can’t get a man because you are chubby (in which case, I suggest you sue them for passing on dud genes to you in the first place). You can never win. DISAPPOINTMENT! DISAPPOINTMENT! EVERYWHERE!
And what are we to do about this god-awful cycle of never-ending DISAPPOINTMENT? Well, the easy answer would be for people to simply stop reproducing but that’s not going to happen anytime soon. But perhaps we could all start by putting a bit more thought into things? Being human (although that is questionable when I consider some of the blokes I’ve dated), most of us have screwed up somewhere along the line but let’s not try to make up for our mistakes by living vicariously through the next generation. Having kids in the hope that they will be able to realise our unfulfilled dreams is a recipe for disaster. It’s better to let them strive for their own goals and when they too, manage to mess up, be a good parent a pick up the pieces instead of making it all about you. Another sensible thing parents (and potential parents) could do is maybe try lowering their expectations somewhat. Understand that sure there are many things that are easier now than they were for previous generations but this modern era also comes with its own set of weird and wonderful problems which older people may not truly compute.
As for us kids, well there is little to no hope. I’m afraid if Elton John with all his sparkliness was an utter disappointment to his folks, really what hope is there for us mere plebs? That said, don’t let fear of disappointing your parents stand in the way of achieving whatever it is you want in your life. As long as you are able to maintain some degree of independence from your old folks (i.e. you are not a total mummy’s boy still living at home in your 40s) you can pretty much do as you please. So quit your job, move to the other side of the world, date a girl with purple hair or marry a guy with face tattoos, do whatever floats your boat because wasting your life trying to please geriatrics isn’t going to help you get any closer to your #happilyeverafter.
Rinsers share your views. Do you think children will always inevitably disappoint parents? Or is this just the wrong way of looking at things? Are the parents who are always having a phat brag about their decidedly average children just putting on an act? Have you ever felt like a disappointment to the family? And has fear of disappointing your parents ever stopped you from pursuing something or someone that you’ve desired? Open your hearts to #englishrosiee in the comments section below.