As you all know, I’m no stranger to falling in love with men/unicorns located in the most inconvenient of places. I’ve successfully navigated the long-distance part of a relationship in the past but only because there was a clear plan in place and end in sight. The long-distance element was nothing more the temporary glitch until we could get our sh*t together (admin in such a biatch) so we could be in the same place at the same time in order to attempt to conduct what I would deem a ‘normal’ relationship. But the thing is my story isn’t all that unique, according to research increasing numbers of people are conducting long-term long-distance relationships – about 4 million in the USA alone. However, it seems not everyone sees long-distance as something temporary the way I do. As I discussed in my previous post if love (and possibly more importantly for the purposes of this argument regular sex) isn’t the priority in a relationship then maybe distance isn’t a major concern, perhaps it can actually become an advantage. Let’s look at the things in more detail.
Long Distance Dating
I often find myself bitching and moaning about the men of Cape Town. To be fair, with the experiences I’ve had you can’t really blame me. The Mother City has handed me everything from sociopaths with limited education to the douches on wheels looking for a sympathy seeing to and then there are the regular religious nuts. Add to that, the fact that Cape Town is not much more than a large village and it’s only a matter of time before you end up dating a friend’s sloppy seconds.
Having had a taste of what it’s like to date in a slightly more cosmopolitan place has forced me to level up my dating game and I’m now less inclined to date the usual suspects Cape Town throws at me. Furthermore, having upgraded to TINDER gold allows me to swipe wherever in the world I please. But to be fair, I have no realistic intention of dating anyone based in New York or Paris (after all I can deal with the prospect of anything more than a textationship with someone that lives 20km away), but it’s nice to window shop and see what the rest of the world has to offer.
But maybe I’m an odd ball, with my desire for instant gratification with minimal effort. For instance, I had a friend who started chatting with chicks based all over the US of A and had first dates which required FLIGHTS (screw his carbon footprint). He even managed to hold something down for about a year where they ended up being introduced to each others families while only being able to meet up a handful of times themselves. Props to those that are willing to invest that much time, effort and money (flights never come cheap!) but I just don’t have the patience for long-distance anything with someone I have yet to meet.
Long Distance Relationships
Been there, done that. They are inconvenient, sure but it’s not everyday you MEET (by this I mean IRL not just virtual chit chat) someone who rocks your world, and so sometimes you need to overcome certain obstacles if you think there is some potential there for #happilyeverafter. But as I said, I do believe that long-distance should only ever be a temporary inconvenience, and the two parties need to be willing to make some sacrifices in order to be together.
Even in established relationships (not just those that develop out of some sort of holiday romance), there are times when job opportunities and the like, might require that you are apart for some time (and by sometime I don’t mean an indefinite period). Periods of long-distance aren’t necessarily a bad thing though. A stint apart could in fact make the relationship stronger – absence makes the heart grow fonder and all. On the flip, it could also cause the relationship to fall apart – and if that is the case isn’t it better you found out sooner rather than later. Just saying. Finally, if you survive long distance with all its logistical nightmares (bear in mind that thanks to tech we have it pretty easy these days) and come out the other side, your relationship will most likely be stronger for it.
Long Distance Marriages – A Step Too Far?
Anyone who is been in a standard(ish) type of long-distance relationship has probably had aspirations to finally be together at some point, (possibly) get married (or at least live in glorious sin together) and find their #happilyeverafter. But did you know there are actually plenty of long-distance married couples? Yep, people who actually spend more of their married life apart than in the same place! If you need some examples you can take a look at this article from the Guardian.
Obviously, if you’re in the army fighting for your country (or more likely sorting out their mess) it is somewhat understandable. But honestly, is there really any point in being married if you are spending the best part of decade away from each other? I am sure I’ll be called immature because of my need for constant attention and obsession with ‘moves’ (yup, I basically ghosted a guy who didn’t have the guts to make a move after 5 dates. And before you ask, if I hadn’t been so indifferent about the whole thing I would have jumped him). As I was told over the weekend, people apparently approach relationships differently as they become geriatrics – months and months of getting to know each other. Sigh. I must say the future of single life as a geriatric doesn’t look all that appealing but then again is it that much worse than a long distance marriage. You tell me.
So, it seems that the transient nature of the world makes in increasingly likely that we will fall in love with inconveniently located people. Thankfully, if we do happen to find our soulmate on the other side of the universe technology gives us the means to give the whole long-distance thing a shot. But I think one needs to ask themselves if they are doing long-distance for the right reasons? Or is it sometimes just another way to keep up a facade of a relationship when you are pretty much halfhearted about the whole thing. Who the hell knows.
Alright Rinsers. What are your thoughts on long distance love? Have you ever been in a long distance relationship/marriage? Would you ever go looking for such an inconvenience? Do you think it is a viable option in the long-term? Is there really much point signing on the dotted line, if you are quite happy spending years apart from one another? Or is long term long-distance just a step up from being a geriatric singleton? Or am I looking at it all wrong, with my head in the clouds, and could long-distance actually be a good thing? SOOOOOOOOO many questions. Enlighten my mind.