Sometimes it seems the world revolves around love and romance. I’m not exaggerating. Just think about it. Almost every novel we read has some element of romance in it (hence why we have so much to review). And the same goes for series, movies, soapies, etc. Try name me a song (other than perhaps Bohemian Rhapsody) that isn’t something to do with love, relationships, heartbreak, etc? I think you’ll find it difficult. So if we are bombarded with all things lovey dovey the whole time you can’t blame a girl for believing that love (albeit warped forms of it some cases) is what makes everyone tick. And subsequently, that everyone is (not so) secretly on a mission to find their #happilyeverafter in this world. But actually when you start looking at the world around you, you’ll soon see that this isn’t really the case, even though the mass media may trick us into believing so. Let me elaborate.
Why LOVE is never really going to be convenient….
Seeing as I grew up consuming all thing Disney, I suppose it’s understandable that I’d throw caution to the wind and relocate to the other side of the world for the first bloke to show any interest in me. And to this day, I still haven’t learnt my lesson as I’d still consider turning my world upside down for a potential unicorn. Of course, I’m not completely idiotic about it either. Naturally, I’ve matured over the last decade or so and I’m not going to waste my time striking up an online conversation with a guy in Australia (or even Jo’burg) because he could potentially be my Prince Charming. That said, I’ve never expected love to be something that is exactly convenient. I mean what are the chances of a guy with intelligence, wit, charm, big muscles and sparkling personality who is financially stable and free of mummy issues being handed to be on the day I’m sitting at home feeling pretty and confident while simultaneously lounging around in my active wear watching Netflix? Unlikely!
But even in more straightforward situations, if you want to find excuses as to why it is inconvenient time to fall in love, you’ll find them easily enough. Perhaps it’s not a good time career-wise because you are too busy at work, maybe there is a chance are just about to embark of a round-the-world trip of a lifetime as the Bumble Global Connector Bee, or maybe you’ve got the flu and just feel like staying home to hibernate? Like I said, it is rarely likely that love will find its way to you at a convenient time when you have all your ducks in a row. In fact, because the universe thinks of itself as the greatest comedian, I guarantee that you’ll only be presented with such opportunities at the most unsuitable of moments.
That is why if a fairytale ending is really important to you, you need to prioratise.
… But how it can still be a priority…
Because I can probably count the times I’ve felt real sparkles on one hand, I’m willing go the extra mile when it comes to finding my #happilyeverafter. And the way I see, the rest can all fall into place – the job, the friends, the family, the money, the holidays etc.
Of course, it you are somewhat pretty, witty and wise you’ll certainly be able to get some action to keep you occupied (and prevent you from regaining your virginity) in the form of a one-nighter, FWB arrangement or holiday romance but something with a bit more substance and added butterflies doesn’t come around all that often in my experience. That’s why when you do find it you need to make a decision as to whether this thing is worth pursuing, bearing in mind the fact that it’ll most certainly cause some stress along the way and require you some compromise when it comes to other aspects of your life.
Perhaps you think like me. And it’s as simple as love conquering all. But I think if you look closely enough you’ll see that for many people, including those is seemingly ‘successful’ (read: long-term) relationships don’t always see love as a priority in the grand scheme of things.
… Except when it isn’t
So I’ve dated enough unemployed bums to know how important it is to be gainfully employed. Furthermore, considering that we all spend +/- 40 hours a week at work, it is important that your workplace isn’t a toxic environment that’ll have you trying to stick pins into your eyes. But there are some people, for whom their job is literally everything. For instance, the type of couples that have been together for like a decade but only ever actually meet face to face for two weeks once a year, because they are both pursuing phat careers and earning big bucks.
Sure, a long-distance stint may be temporary necessity in a relationship but I’ve always believed that long-distance can only really work when there is an end in sight. What happens when it is actually the norm? I mean, of course it’s nice to be with someone who is passionate about their career but if you spend most of your lives happily residing on opposite sides of the globe and actively looking for opportunities which would limit your ability to seeing one another, do you really have much more than a textationship? And in that case wouldn’t it just be better to be single?
Is LOVE worth the risk? Or is it better off as a side-project?
Naturally, it depends who you ask. A hopeless romantic, like yours truly, would obviously say yes. If you ask me, there is less shame in having string of failed relationships to your name and knowing you gave it shot than forever thinking ‘what if?’, living with a bunch of regrets while still clutching your ever-precious V-Card well into your naughty 40s. Obviously, there are plenty of people out there that’d tell me I’m sex-obsessed pest and that investing in one’s career offers one more security because your job isn’t going to wake up one morning and realise it doesn’t fancy you. True that. But I’ll just reply that your job won’t snuggle you at night or give you morning goodies. And we’ll sit here all day going around in circles.
So all in all, LOVE doesn’t occupy the same top slot on everyone’s list of priorities. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have a functioning relationship. While for some of us, the pursuit of happily ever after is a major mission in life for others a relationship is just side-project that needs to fit in (or f*ck off) around their other priorities. I think the key though is to find yourself someone who feels the same way about their priorities. I mean if you are both career-focused, sport-obsessed, or willing to limit real bedroom action to a handful of times a year, then that’s all good. But if one of you is busy jetting off or saving the world, while the other is sat at home twiddling their thumbs and wondering why they are stuck with nothing more than a textationship, then I think you’ve got a recipe for disaster on your hands.
Rinsers, tell me about the priorities in your life. Should we really prioritise love and relationships the way we do? Or is this just a symptom of having our minds bombarded with this BS through the media? And does a relationship have to really be that magical to last the long-haul? And what is a ‘successful’ relationship – if seeing less of each other, means you avoid the mundane little fights and last forever, could this actually be better than the traditional romantic notion of #happilyeverafter? Enlighten me in the comments. Purlease and Thankyou!