We live in a strange world where everything (and at times it seems nothing) is possible. After some of your comments of my last post about one-night stands, I’m now contending with getting my weak mind around A-Sexuality and what exactly that means (are you just not into sex? giving up on the prospect of ever losing your virginity? into relationships without the sex? and how exactly does that differ from the relationship with your dog?). Maybe Catherine Gray did have a point in her book the Unexpected Joy of Being Single). As I said, anything is possible. This leads me onto the topic of my blog post today: The Textationship. No Rinsers, #englishrosiee has not lost her mind and started getting into SciFi, I have however somehow landed myself in some sort of ‘Textationship’ though. Let me explain.
How do you define a Textationship?
According to the meme which led to my light bulb moment a Textationship can be described as : ‘constant texting without making an effort to see each other in real life’.
How does it differ from other forms of ‘romantic encounter’?
Let’s start by establishing how exactly a Textationship differs from other similar arrangements. I’ve dealt with my fair share of Talkers‘ (you know the ones that keep wittering on but won’t set up a date) in my time so I’ve learnt my lesson. I don’t plan to waste my time conversing with anyone who has no intention of meeting me. Whether it’s end game or simply getting your leg over that one is after chit chat never gets you very far. These days, when I sense I’ve got a ‘talker’ on my hands I call them out on it ASAP. Now if the talker is actually just that and you follow my approach then you’ve just saved yourself a bunch of time and unnecessary frustration. Yay! Go You!
However, life isn’t always so black and white but a thousand shades of grey. What happens when you attempt to cut your losses with a suspected Talker but this only has intended consequence of them upping their game. Just like that. The threat of ceasing communications has him literally jumping in his car and driving 48 km just to share a bottle of wine with you (true story!). Epic date. Talker no more. Yay! (See, playing the moody biatch card does have its uses).
Don’t start high-fiving yourself so soon though, silly girl! Another two weeks of chitchat and you’d think your trip to visit the island boys in Mauritius may get rid of the guy but alas. He is still right where you left him. Texting, texting away. Sigh. Eventually, just before you about to give up on life itself, he makes another appearance. And so it goes…one ‘spontaneous’ date a month, if that!
I wouldn’t blame you for mistaking such an encounter with a Flirtationship. It’s fun, easy, casual and requires minimal effort. Well, not quite. Texting everyday requires considerably more investment than that which is required when it comes to simply flirting with someone you see once in a blue moon. And you see as fun as the banter is, there is only so long even the best Brit can keep up this facade. Eventually, the (text) conversation takes a change of pace and there’ll eventually be some mention of work stress, bitching and moaning about friends, requests for medical advice and questions around home improvements. Now we begin to encroach of real relationship territory and things start to get a bit more complicated.
Furthermore, a flirtationship, as the name suggests, involves nothing more than a little bit of innocent flirting. maybe the odd stroking of a hand but not much more. But with this whole ‘Textationship vibe you’ve invested so much energy bantering and getting to know one another digitally (get your mind out of the gutter, please!) that whenever you do meet the parameters of flirting are likely to well and truly smashed (I’ll give you 20 minutes before a move is made).
So yeah, a Textationship. You find yourself dealing with a higher grade talker where the light and fluffy lines of a flirtationship has gone to the dogs, but thanks to the lack of commitment and slow rate of progress you can be pretty sure it isn’t end game either.
Why does such phenomenon occur? Whats the reasoning behind it?
They are buying themselves some time…
Ha! Well, the first time I posed the question about why a guy would invest so much time engaging via text but with limited intention to meet up in person to a friend. She unequivocally told me he would be MARRIED (or stuck in a unhappy long-term relationship). Basically, the constant chatter would present a guy with enough of a distraction from his sad, unsatisfying ‘love’ life but would not strictly cross that line of infidelity to become real-life cheating so there you have it, he’s found his happy middle ground.
At first, I was like : ‘Yes! This makes perfect sense. Cheating scumbag be gone!’ But then the hopeless romantic/story-chaser in me figured that maybe there were other reasons and as hard as it may be in the age of #metoo I should probably give him the benefit of the doubt without becoming a hater of men (plus the banter was too good!). So…
Maybe they actually don’t have much time…
Yes, yes. I know what they say. If you really want something (or someone) you make time and if you don’t you make excuses. But sometimes maybe the excuses are genuine. As in, perhaps not everyone has it easy and some people really do work unsociable hours doing more important things than bitching and moaning about the average idiots lack of vocabulary! And maybe driving 48km after 30 hours of work really is all they can offer you (beyond the constant text messaging, of course!).
Hmm…and I suppose you could do worse.
And after all it take’s two to tango (or text)…
At the end of the day whether it’s a Textationship, Flirtationship, FWB arrangement, One Night Stand or #happilyeverafter, anything that involves a human relationship of sorts requires two consenting adults. And bitch and moan as you will, but any one willing to indulge someone who offers them nothing more than an half-hearted interaction, also needs to be held to account. That said, if said arrangement suits both parties (albeit in the interim till something better comes along) then why not just go with it. Like I said before, there is a time and a place for everything and surely keeping life interesting is better than experiencing no butterflies at all or regaining your virginity.
So Rinsers. Have you ever heard of a Textationship? Or been involved in one? Is it cop-out for commitment phobes or do you think such a interaction serves a purpose? Is a temporary solution necessarily a bad thing? Tell me all in the comments section below.