The Sex Recession – Are We Living In an Overwhelmingly Sexless Society ?

CA30424

Apparently, stats show that rates of sexual activity are declining (well, at least in the Western world where they have enough time/money to research such things!). But honestly, I didn’t need some complicated research paper to tell me that, its obvious from the world around me. Sure, people might claim to be sexually liberated and free to discover a whole host of weird and wonderful sexual activities – sex with men, women, elderly people, groups of people, best friends, randoms from the club, randoms you’ve held a five minute conversation with…and if things get really tough you can always pay for it and if you are broke you can have a healthy sexual relationship with your hand (I’m told sex toys are getting pricey these days!). We live in a world where pretty much anything goes. But if you ask me, its all a bit of a facade.

Sure, in our 20s it was easy enough to hit the club and if you were somewhat pretty/handsome and on the pull you’d be likely to end up taking some generic guy/girl home for a one-nighter. Things are different the older we get – we have other priorities and wild nights become few and far between. By now you already know what I think about relationship girls vs. WISOs – relationships require more effort and may look a bit boring at times but in my experience, those are the people getting the best sex on tap. The WISO story is a bit of fairytale – even the hottest girl on the block is unlikely to be bedding a different bloke every night and even if they are, the bedroom antics are probably less than satisfactory.  That said, people are taking longer to settle down but surely that shouldn’t mean they have to be pretty much celibate in the interim, right?

I get angsty if I haven’t had any action in a few months ( and like I mentioned last time, my biggest concern when being deported back to my homeland was that of regaining my virginity due to lack of opportunities to get lucky) but then again I take comfort in knowing that the situation is so much worse for others. I’ve heard of those who’ve had sex droughts that have lasted years and worse still there are those that in their 30s that are not only still waiting to have that cherry seen to but are yet to be kissed. Oh my! It really is a sad state of affairs. It really does look like we are sexless generation. Sigh.

This article provides a in-depth look into the reasons why this maybe the case. Factors mention include the growing popularity of porn (you have a access to all your wildest sexual fantasies without having to interact with a dumb ass human – win/win apparently!). DIY/Sex Toys (again, why bother interacting with humans when you can DO you), the prioritization of career/education/independence over relationships (after all, your job/degree won’t wake up one day and decide to vacate the house leaving you with nothing more than a cat for company – true story of a tinder boy!), the Tinder mirage (yes, people call it the hookup app but in reality we all know its easier said than done to meet a compatible match and it is more of a time-killer than anything else) #metoo (not in the sense that consensual sex is a bad thing but our preoccupation with consent makes it harder for people to make the necessary moves), our obsession with technology killing our chances of meeting someone organically (e.g.the moment we have some downtime we are glued to the screens of our smartphones), the paradox of choice (there are so many options to explore, that we are all to afraid to settle for a relationship which could offer us stability and regular sex!), our obsession with looks/the increase in obesity (we aim too high and dismiss people that could potentially be a good match or the basis of looks. And increasing rates of obesity in an age where people are obsessed with looking good, makes it hard for those people to get laid. Plus, its not unheard of to be fat and fit,  but sure, obesity probably makes the cardio aspect of sexual activity a little more difficult!).

And this doesn’t just apply to single people either. Of course, I still stand by my belief about relationship people having better/more regular sex than the WISO and its male-equivalent. However, I realise that my argument is all good theoretically but isn’t flawless in reality.  I mean I’ve heard of people in relationships who’ve admitted to scheduling sex (spontaneity is overrated it seems). Then there are decade long long-distance relationships where the two parties only physically meet each other for 2 weeks of the year (Skype sex counts, maybe?). And worse still, there are those in relationships, and even marriages  who don’t engage in any fornication at all. I think you’d be surprised how many married people sleep in separate beds. Why ??!?? I just can’t deal.  I once had a friend at high school, who at the age of 15, still believed that her parents had only had sex twice in their lives, once to make her and once to make her brother. Everyone scoffed at the idea and awww’d at her innocence. A decade or two later, I’m beginning to think she may have had a point.

I’m sure there are some people that’ll say I’ve got it all wrong and to them, I probably come across as some sex-obsessed man-eater. Surely,  relationships shouldn’t be based on copulation? And I agree that there is more to a good relationship than regular orgasms. But that said, I certainly think it should be part of any healthy relationship. Of course, you don’t expect people to be going at it like rabbits once the relationship is more established and there are obviously other priorities in play. But it should still feature, right? Otherwise, really whats the point of all this dating/relationship malarky anyway? For company? Get a dog. To have someone to talk to? Stop being a Billie No Mates and find some friends. So that you won’t die alone? Well….there is no guarantee this isn’t going to happen in any case. Your husband/wife/life-partner, etc may just kick the bucket before you. An idiot once told me, we come into this world alone and we’ll leave alone. He had a point. To procreate? So, you’ve passed on your genetic code. Now what? Surely, intimacy is what sets romantic relationships apart from all those we have with friends, family and sentient beings.

And when it comes to the reasoning behind why we are such a sexless generation ? I have no clues. I don’t think it is enough to blame porn, dating apps or obesity rates. The only thing I can think of is that maybe its just a case of messed up perceptions. Maybe the fact that the media bombards us with sex the whole time spurs us to spend much of our lives thinking, talking and even blogging about sex but less time actually getting in on the act. Who the hell knows? Just seems like a sad, sad, situation to me.

So Rinsers, Whats your take on this sad state of affairs? Are we living through a sex recession? Is it something we need to be concerned about? Is bedroom acrobatics all that important or are there bigger things we should be worrying about when it comes to human relationships? And is it more of a problem for the singletons or does it apply attached people too? Tell me you views in the comments below. 

12 comments

    • Its not funny! This is seriously sad.

      At least single people who are dating are doing their best at increasing their chances of getting some action. But I know loads of jaded singletons that aren’t even trying and are also too old for a mere hook up.

      We assume married people must be getting regular cardio but that isn’t necessarily true either…because otherwise they wouldn’t be sleeping in separate beds, having affairs and keeping the ladies of the night in business.

      Like

  1. Maybe go back to the old way of doing things dating fewer people so we don’t get jaded. Maybe changing our mindset a bit. I’ll be dubbed as unfeminist for saying this but maybe sex has been over romanticized in our minds. Especially because most chicks (even those that claim to be WISOs) who say they are OK with a dirty dirty one night stand actually aren’t. If we started to think of it more as a sport or just a means of procreation rather than getting so emotionally attached then maybe we’d get more of it. Easier said than done I know but it is a valid idea. I mean surely the whole idea of romantic lovemaking is just an modern day western idea – cultures still exist where you marry a man you only see on your wedding day….. I doubt there is any romance right there but it works and they are probably going at it like rabbits compared to us sad little tinder folk swiping away.

    Or maybe nothing we do nothing and just accept this is how things should be..

    Maybe the media fed us the wrong ideas. It wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe its totally normal to get scheduled sex once every month rather than this wild spontaneous hanging from the chandeliers stuff we see in the movies.

    Sigh. It does worry me though..

    Like

  2. I think you finally touched on something …changing our mind sets about sex in relationship. Realizing that there is too much romanticized sex that is seen in the movies also would be a big help. But the biggest reason that there could be a cooling off in the sex dept could be for one simple but overlooked reason …Treat others as you want others to treat you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • But romanticised sex is not such a bad thing! We have to aspire to something more than a quicky behind the bike sheds, surely!

      Also, don’t get what you are saying about people treating each other badly being the reason why sex levels are decreasing….

      Like

  3. Just realised I didn’t ‘Like’ this either. But you know what they say, the mind is the first thing to go when you’re getting up there in age!

    Interesting article. I always take these studies with a grain of salt especially IF it’s done in America because it begs to differ. Questions that pop up in my mind when I read an article on any studies done are, what’s the demographics of the study? Cost? Most of these so-called experts poach funding just to get published. When you balance out the number of marriage each year, the population (Pregnancies/Kids being born) and rape because there is a serious rape culture across the pond. When they speak about sex recession, are they only taking into account consensual sex, marital sex, heterosexual sex?

    If the article is correct in, then I would say Feminism could play a role because once women found their voice more often and than not the answer is NO! Women have realised that there are plenty of fish in the sea and she has the power to toss back a Tuna if she wants Marlin. A right that men have abused over the centuries. Another reason could be the fact people have detached romance and sex. When something becomes as common as a dollar bill it loses its lustre. Which I think is also responsible for the great attraction to porn, no one to disappoint or impress but yourself 😉

    Personally, I rather enjoy sex. I love the fact that someone wants me just as much as I want them and we’ve gotten to a point in our relationship where we’re both comfortable in saying what we like.

    Like

    • Yeah, I’m pretty sure the article is only talking about a recession in terms of consensual sex. Rape and the paid for variety are a subject for another study altogether. I think the whole point of the whole sex recession thing is that we a bombarded with these images of everyone around us having active sex lives, to the point where if you go a few months without it you start to stress thinking you may never get lucky again. I think everyone thinks everyone else is getting it when in reality we are all probably a bunch of nuns. The coupled people probably think the singles are busy sowing their wild oats and being sexually promiscuous while us singletons think they have it on tap (which they do, but may not necessarily be using!). What I’ve learnt is that if you treat sex as a sport and want the WISO style meaningless variety it is readily available. I used to once think its about how conventionally attractive you were but its not really. If you want to get an itch scratched, you can be sure to find someone on tinder to sort you out. Its when you are after something a bit more meaningful when things do get a bit trickier. But I think the key is that we shouldn’t be tricked into believing there is something wrong with us, because its likely that most people are in the same boat when it comes to the sex recession.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Of course not! Don’t forget society’s job is to make you believe that something is wrong with your simply becasue you don’t fit into the square box its so dead set in putting everyone into. But again I go back to demographics of the study. I’m sure if they do broader research or this research was actually done door to door instead of a controlled environment which they sometimes are, the would find that there really is not sexual recession 😉

        Like

      • I agree that we need to take these studies with a pinch of salt. However, I think it also raises some valid points. I guarantee if surveyed the next ten people I met, the levels of sexual activity would be very low. You’ll find many people have given up of love, relationships (and sex).

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well I again I go back to demographics. If I asked 10 personally from various countries or 20 strangers (people I don’t know) back in my country it would be the exact opposit! 😉 Well this studies shows one thing, we now know why Americans are so on edge. LOL! LOL!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.