Who Has The Best Sex? The WISOs vs The Relationship Girls


So, this post is partly inspired by watching Chesil Beach, a movie that wanted to make me put a gun to my head as well as a conversation I had with a self-confessed WISO. For those of you who are new to the blog, WISO (a term coined by #zlotybaby) stands for Woman Interested in Sex Only. Just like a unicorn, a WISO is a rare creature – it’s debatable whether they actually exist. While the male versions can easily be found roaming the clubs, a true WISO is harder to find. You often think you’ve found her – the chick who seems to be a hit with all the guys, she may arrive at the party alone but will never leave empty-handed at the end of the night and oh, how she’ll brag about her fantastic sex-capades till you are a green with envy. But simply, scratch the surface and you’ll probably find that behind that behind that sexually-liberated exterior lies a little girl (perhaps with Daddy issues) who just wants to be loved. That said, who am I to judge what people actually want.

Anyway, back to my conversation with a WISO, it came as quite a surprise to hear her say that despite all her numerous rather wild sexual encounters in fact none of them had left her truly satisfied (sexually as well as emotionally probably!). Just to make it clear no experience was good enough for the WISO to go back for more Ho hum. That is not what I had expected to hear. You see, I always felt popular culture portrayed sexual liberation/promiscuity as something fun but probably requires a certain level of good looks and confidence to be able to maintain. But, I think the reality is a little less glamorous and a bit bleak, to be honest. Having watched my fair bit of trash TV, I can’t see it being much fun, when regardless of how hot or pretty you are, a guy from the Jersey Shore calls you an Uber as soon as the deed is done (maybe post-coital cuddles are overrated!).

On the flip side, I think those branded as somewhat prud-ish get a bit of a bad rap. No, I haven’t done a U-turn on my attitudes to being a 30-something virgin. But, you know what I mean, there is only so far one can go when it comes to glorifying sex between a run-of-the-mill monogamous couple (Although the 50 Shades Trilogy had a good go of it!). But just think about it. When it comes to sex, there can’t be much that beats it being in a happy, healthy relationship. Look at this way, unless you permanently live on different continents (remember I said happy and healthy) then you’ve got sex on tap…whenever and wherever you want (within reason – but you know lunchtime delights on the days you work from home aren’t too shabby!). This leads me to my next point, practice makes perfect. Unless you are weird like that odd couple in Chesil Beach a) they’ll be too much sexual tension to hold out on the deed till your wedding night and b) even if your first tussle is mind-blowing, you’ll give it a second shot (and a third, fourth and fifth….). And in turn, this means you can try out everything in the kamasutra (provided your relationship lasts that long) until you figure out what works for you. Finally, despite all the body positivity stuff that gets bandied about I don’t know many people that are so OK with their own naked bodies (or those of others) to actually want to strip off in front of a different person every other night without wanting to pewk in your mouth.

I’ve never been through my own WISO phase but to be completely honest it doesn’t really appeal to me. I’m sure there are still some people out there that’ll claim that WISOs have the best sex and its all about knowing your own body and blah blah. But I just don’t buy that. They’ll probably also tell you that relationship sex lacks the spontaneity that the WISO has….but that’s not strictly true. We’ve all heard of couples getting jiggy on the plane, in a field, on the roof of a church, etc…it doesn’t sound all bad.  After all, there have to be some benefits to stability and life with ole faithful 😛

Alright Rinsers, do you dare to share your stories in the comments below? What’s better relationship sex-capades with the one your love or no-strings-attached fun times? Or is there a time and place for both? Or … maybe not? Go, wild peeps….


  1. I’ve had 1 one-night stand, a few flings and relationships. The one night stand felt like a great idea at a time, the sex was really good but after that I felt empty. I also developed some attachment to the guy and we kept in touch for much longer than we should. I’m sure it doesn’t work like this for all girls and some separate feelings from sex better. Flings were better but they’re mostly based on attraction. The thing with attraction is that it’s shortlived and also the excitement is biggest before you actually have sex. Then even if sex is good you’re just left with pillow talk with this guy that bores you to death with his daddy issues and you bore him to death with yours, till one of you finally has the guts to end it. Sometimes no one has and you end up in a relationship with someone who isn’t a match with you long term. In a relationship sex has the potential to be better than during a one night stand or a fling because you have all the time in the world for exploring. However, let me use the Polish saying here “You won’t make a whip out of shit”. If you get on well intelectually but the sexual attraction is weak, not even a red room will help you two. I think it may be easy to be deceived sometimes – when you really like someone it may feel like sexual attraction but you won’t know till you try it out.

    Is there a real WISO? I’ve met women who claimed to be WISOs temporarily as in just being interested in sex at the moment. Unfortunately, most of these women saw their casual relationships getting messy in this or other way. There must be people and women specifically who have a good separation of sex and feelings. They, I think, could enjoy just sex for a time being, while focusing on work/studies or whatever. Sounds great! Sex in is just sex, though. It’s a biological need and it’s nice when it’s met. However, it doesn’t answer to all the other needs such as affection, the need to love and be loved or being able to pour your heart to someone. I think this is why stuff gets messy: because by getting sex we often get cuddles too and then the separation starts to fail. Anyway, I read a book about sex recently and apparently students in the US do all sorts of “no strings attached” relationships with great success. They just want to start dating when getting serious with someone would make sense because they know where they want to be. Who knows how well they actually cope with it?


    • To some extent, I think if you rationalise these things just a bit…it’s easier to let your inner WISO operate freely for a bit a least. When I had a one-nighter I felt a bit rough about myself for a bit…but when it escalated into an FWB situation, I was a little more OK with it and took it in my stride and had fun. Still, it’s not something I’d advocate…it all requires too much mental energy.

      And as for the sex in relationships having the potential to be better but that not always being the case…well, I’ve heard of some relationships which seem pretty great on the surface but behind close doors the sex doesn’t even happen at all after some point. I guess maybe I’m just a sex-obssed product of my generation and bedroom acrobatics isn’t what makes everyone tick 😛 That said, I still think an existence without it whatsoever if a bit bleak. I don’t know what I’d opt for between a WISO life and that – both seem equally bleak!

      Liked by 1 person

      • So I think a WISO or a not, no one likes to feel rejected. If you had a one night stand and a person never contacts you again, it feels like you’ve been rejected at some level. Sure, you can be like, it was me who didn’t get in touch but a small voice in you would probably be saying well, the person didn’t either. It’s nice to be wanted so FWB gives you the being wanted part on a certain level and it may be rewarding for a bit. Then again a person may feel itd be nice if their FWB suggested something more and felt rejected cause as much as they’re fine for sex it doesn’t seem like the person wants anything more. I think potentially maybe some people can keep sex more on physical level and rationalizing is easy for them. I just haven’t seen much of it around me. More like people getting hurt, growing expectations, feeling shit…

        You’re not sex obsessed. I don’t understand these people who settle for no sex in their marriages “because everything else is there”. Sex is a big deal and its important and I think if someone gives up on it entirely they’re just not in touch with themselves. Of course, you won’t upkeep the intensity of banging one’s brains out from the first few months forever but I consider a healthy sex life a must for a long term happy relationship. It’s often not just the sex disappearing but affection and PDA and all these things that in my mind make you a couple. You should cultivate what you have in all sorts of way, keep the spark going and put some nice clothes on from time to time as well 😉 comfort is good but There’s such a thing as too much comfort.


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