Why Are Relationships So Hard?

tough“Why are relationships so hard?” isn’t only a popular search term that brings people to our website but also a question people seem to ask often in real life. So here are some answers you may (or equally may not) find relevant to you:

  1. You’re with a wrong person

We could indulge in a philosophical conversation about how nothing truly is right or wrong and how things sometimes are right for that particular moment in a person’s life. We could but we won’t. Being with a person you’re not a match with is like trying to link two puzzles of not complimentary shapes together. It may be almost right or it can even look like it’s the right one for a while but soon it will become evident it isn’t the one you’ve been looking for.
A bad start  is a particularly good indicator of you and the person perhaps just being wrong for one another. I know that people love to romanticize martyrdom and sacrifice but love isn’t meant to be hard, especially not in the beginning. Your partner is supposed to be a source of strength, not someone who drains you.

2. Your expectations may be too high

A good relationship is exactly that… a good relationship. It is NOT a solution to all your life problems. If your life isn’t working otherwise, even the best relationship won’t do much for you. Besides, if your life is a mess you’re likely to end up dating someone who’s life is a mess and that just complicates things because now you not only have to sort your shit out but also encourage someone to sort their shit out and if you don’t manage, break up with them when you realise all they do is drag you down. It’s possible that the relationship isn’t hard but just everything in your life is and it feels that way. Also, don’t ever trust what you see on social media wishing you were like this or that couple. It ain’t real.

3.  Define “hard”

Life’s hard in general. If your complaint is that you encounter certain problems in your relationship and you don’t spend all your time with your partner lovingly staring in each other’s eyes while simultaneously shitting rainbows, well, that’s life. A fight from time to time is healthy and so is a bit of silence. You’ll never again have the intensity of the first few months either (not that you could actually live on that little sleep forever). It’s just science.
However, if your partner makes your life a living hell or you have serious issues with them it may be best to seek some professional help. That applies to a long-term relationships. If it’s not working right in the beginning, rather let it go (also read point 1 of this post).

4. Maybe you’re the problem

People love to blame things on other people and make swift generalizations. Whenever someone says something like “Men are just like that.” what they really mean is “Men have been like that in my experience because that’s the kind of men I’ve been choosing but change is difficult so I prefer to say something which sounds like a general rule so that I don’t feel bad about it.” After all, if something is just reality you’re being pragmatic, right? Wrong. Listen out for statements of this sort you make and analyze whether they’re actually true.
It may be that you keep repeating yourself that relationships are hard just to avoid the truth about your relationship or relationships being hard. Have you noticed the “you” part? That’s because you and your choice of partners is the problem. Now, if you want to know why is that invest in psychotherapy or other professional help who’ll help to discover the reasons because no one is paying me to discover that!

5. The why isn’t that important

Whether you have a low threshold for problems in life, you’ve chosen a wrong partner or you just like to say things like this to make yourself feel less responsible for your life, understanding the “why” behind the question “Why are relationships so hard” won’t help you. Sometimes there is no “why” like with why some people are born to poverty or children die of cancer. Things just are and if you prefer you can believe in supernatural being such as gods and their plans. Alternatively, you can accept that some things just are.
Brief, don’t ask “Why Are Relationships so Hard?” rather choose questions about things which you can change like “Why Is It 7th time in my life I’m asking myself “Why Are Relationships So Hard?”?” or “Why Do I Find Relationships so Hard?”.




  1. So most relationships are hard at some point another. And then there are others that are downright awful from the get-go. But is there really a better alternative, than at least striving for a healthy sort of relationships (knowing full well you are likely to experience a handful of not so good ones along the way)? I think not. I’m not saying anyone should settle for mediocre just because everyone else around them is in a relationship. Single time has its purposes but it does can the fun really last forever? When you are YOUNG, free and single hitting the club with your buddies every night is viable but as you get older the novelty of all that wears off. Another alternative to not being in a relationship – being forever single aka sad spinsterhood … while I understand why people might want to avoid the drama of being in a relationship, the thought of spinsterhood (and even bachelorhood to a lesser extent perhaps) makes me depressed and isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy. Oh, and anyone who has treated dating like a competitive sport (been there, done that) knows that even that gets tiring/soul-destroying after a while. I mean there comes a time when no amount of free booze, sushi and trips to wine estates can make having to tell yet another person about your hobbies, childhood and what you for a living, worthwhile.

    So, yes relationships are hard. When I was young I thought it was all about just finding someone who’d tolerate me. In my old age, i’ve learnt thats not the case. Finding someone you click with (for both good/bad reasons) is rare and while relationships are always going to be hard at times…I think the good elements of a relationship – the butterflies, the in-jokes, the cuddles and of course the good sex beat all the positives of the other scenarios. I guess that sometimes that’s why we are inclined to work at things when we find someone we kinda have a sparkle with.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I mostly think that it’s people’s attitude that gets them into forever spinster/bachelorhood. They just complain about nothing or only bad things happening to them as if there was a worldwide conspiracy in which good relationships are only reserved for other people. In reality, apart from the rare cases who ended up lucking out early on in life, most of people put themselves out there doing the boring dating game over and over again, finding someone potentially interesting, getting hurt, thinking about why they got hurt, improving and repeating the process till one day they hopefully meet someone who was truly worth all this effort. Besides, these forever alone people often still have some flings or other things so I don’t really believe in their aggressive “I’M HAPPY LIKE THIS”. I honestly think that many of them (apart of the few that are truly happy where they are) are just lazy entitled cowards. You have to put some effort into anything meaningful in life…


  2. And this is a great post in general, thanks. I’d add that people need to learn to enjoy being solo- to not be afraid of being ‘alone’ so that you don’t cling to a poor relationship out of fear

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! Oh yes, definitely. This also has to do with being able to deal with peer pressure and people constantly asking you “When are you going to find yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend?” etc. (Is it really an Australian question, though? In South Africa ppl don’t really bother others, unless they’re really oldschool but in Poland you get this question daily as a singleton). I think it comes with age for many people. I never could understand “ivy people” who like parasites dwell on one partner to jump onto another when they’re still with previous one or literally five minutes later. One has to be able to be on their own and have a little bit of fun with dating.

      Liked by 1 person

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