Sad Spinsters vs. Bachelorettes – Why Can’t ‘Cool’ Women End Up Forever Single?


Recently there have been some half-hearted attempts at creating ‘feminist’ fairytales where the focus of the story isn’t about the prince and princess ending up together and living happily ever after. Sure, we should give Disney some credit for trying to show the world there can be more to life than finding your prince/princess, getting married, moving to the ‘burbs, getting a puppy, and procreating….you know how it goes. But honestly I think it’s going to be a long time before society really deems it ‘cool’ to end up single and actually accept that this fate a legitimate choice, especially for a woman. Let’s break look at this issue in a little more detail…

Does anyone with options ever really choose to be single?

I’ll admit I’m a bit old fashioned but I honestly don’t believe that humans are meant to end up alone – no man is an island and all. I understand people who’ve had a bit of experience and encountered their fair share of fuckwit humans may justify staying single to save themselves the heartache and stress in the future.

I’ve met plenty of people who have criticised my somewhat unconventional relationships and overuse of Tinder while loudly declaring how they happy they are to save themselves the drama and resign themselves to a life of singledom. Still, I always seem to sense some undertones of bitterness right there.

We all know THAT Aunty! 

Ok so maybe she isn’t your actual aunt. But we all know one of those women. The ones who never got married and had kids or did the conventional thing. Do you have any you actually look up to? Hmm…maybe you do? But I just find that people pity them and question whoever is going to look after them in their old age. God knows?! Perhaps one of the weird and wonderful gold diggers of Obs will go in for the kill and inherit an R2 million house in the process. #truestory!

Why isn’t there a male version of a sad spinster?

I’m not saying society doesn’t frown upon a man who is still playing the field in his 50s. But he still gets way more kudos if he is a Hugh Hefner type than his female equivalent. For me, the connotations associated with a bachelor are somewhat associated with a (sad) spinster. While the eternally single man is always pictured hitting the club, probably being a bit of a perve and plying pretty young girls with drinks while the sad spinster is almost sitting a home in her dowdy nightgown with nothing but a dog (and a jar of peanut butter) for the company. Why do we never hear about an actual female equivalent of a bachelor (a bachelorette if you want to call it that) – an eternally single woman who despite some commitment issues is out having fun rather than being the object of public pity?

So, maybe I just have an old-fashioned mindset but I still think that it’s sad when people give up on (human) love/companionship/whatever floats your boat. I guess for some they just get caught up with other more important things like work and education and by the time they get round to thinking about settling down it’s a too little too late and all the good specimens are already taken. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet their soulmate organically walking down the road, in the library or at the gym. The reality is that most people nowadays are actively looking for love. I do hope one day there will be single old ladies that make it somewhat cool/ok to end up alone but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. And although, being an old bachelor may not seem as dire as spinsterhood I think the prospect of growing old and dying alone isn’t particularly desirable regardless of gender. As #zlotybaby once reminded me when I was busy crushing on an elderly troll/eternal bachelor he is only looking for a young(ish) chick so he can have someone to wipe his ass when he is old and incapable.

Finally, it’s over to you dearest rinsers! Am I just being old-fashioned? Why is it is less cool for a woman to end up forever single? Do you know any female equivalents of a bachelor? And finally does the idea of becoming a spinster/bachelor stop you from giving up on love entirely? Answers in the comments below. Please and thank you!





  1. I just think that it’s not so fun to be all alone all your life. Not for a man and not for a woman, even if the world tends to only stigmatize single women. Sure, it’s nice to have some sexual experience and play the field before you settle down but I think no one in their right mind would choose being forever single over a happy relationship. The stress being on “happy”. I think many people have issues they’re unwilling to work on (“Why does it always happen to me?” with no self-reflection) and they end up in one destructive relationship after another. Then some of them decide at some point they’ve had enough and tell the coupled ones with the air of superiority that they praise their independence and at least “no one will tell them to make a sandwich” (referring to the image in your post). The idea that a relationship is about someone telling you to do something just shows that they don’t know what a happy relationship, let alone partnership is. They don’t want to be single but they’d rather be single than in a bad relationship, which is understandable. If you’ve never been in a good one it’s difficult to believe you could. Also, how many good examples are there around to look up to? There are so many bad relationship with people never leaving just to have someone. No wonder some people give up!


  2. It is not cool for a woman to be single forever because we inherently understand that women are social creatures….far more so than men and NEED company. Furthermore, they dont create things external to the home like men do….i.e. businesses, projects, inventions, etc. Feminism aside, their true happiness lies in being a mother and having a man.

    Men on the other hand are happiest alone, free, anr unmolested – provided they have access to sex when thy want. Hence, it is understood that the older bachelor has his freedom, and is unstressed by a woman. If he has money then he is golden.


  3. Interesting. I do wonder what the FemiNAZIs will have to say about that. Lol!

    But I see your point. I’m yet to find a older yet to find an example of an older single woman that is truly single by choice and makes it look like an appealing lifestyle. I’m not saying that bachelorhood is anymore enticing but they generally seem less militant about it all. You never hear bachlors shouting that all woman are useless…in fact they just seem to be having fun, playing the field and in some cases having their pick of the younger ladies. Ho hum!

    At the end of the day, single life especially in the latter years of a person’s life does seem somewhat sad. I mean does anyone really want to die alone?


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