Preemptive Strikes and What Ifs

Lonely-Woman

Rarely are relationships and other such romantic encounters ever smooth sailing. Sometimes things get off to a rocky start and you find yourself questioning whether this drama from the get-go is a sign of things to come. But even in the instances where things begin blissfully, there eventually comes a time when the honeymoon period comes to an end and you experience some sort of bump in the road that makes you wonder if this thing is really worth the stress. But no matter how much of over-thinker you and however good you are at spotting your patterns (and those of others) how easy is it walk away at the first sign of trouble, essentially launching a preemptive strike on the relationship and breaking it before it can break you? And if somehow you do have the willpower to learn from past mistakes and run away from potential drama, does that necessarily mean you are guaranteed happiness? Or will you just be left wondering what if?

20/20 hindsight is a wonderfully torturous thing. After a disastrous relationship ends and the dust has settled, it’s pretty easy to rewind your mind and spot all the warning signs that you had chosen to ignore. Perhaps it was the fact that on your very first date gut instinct told you that he reminded you of your ex? Maybe it was that your friends that tried to gently tell you that this guy wasn’t quite as into you as he should’ve been?  Or it could just be that it falls in line with your patterns from the past and no matter how much you beg the universe to send you a boring AF accountant type that could potentially bring some stability in your life, it always always sends you a smoking hot lothario? The fact is you’ll easy find a million and one different ways you could’ve done something better the moment you start your little historic analysis.

However, that over-analyzing always seems to forget that when it comes to matters of the heart, more-often-that-not logic goes out of the window and even the most intelligent of human beings find it hard to listen to their own clever minds. We forget sometimes that the heart (and the hormones) also have an important role to play when it comes to the relationships we want to pursue. It’s not necessarily that you are stupid or a glutton for punishment when it comes to the types of people you date but maybe that you are drawn to the one’s that keep you on your toes and give you those infamous butterflies. And the intangible aspects that make it difficult for some of us to change our ways.

Ugh but then again, maybe it’s just me. So let’s take a look at the flipside. What would happen if every time you saw a red flag you ran a mile? If every guy that shared a similarity with an ex of yours was ruled out at the get go ? Well, I personally don’t think you’d get all that far in life. I’ve met a handful of people that claim to have ‘learnt’ from their mistakes to such an extent that they’d never let history repeat itself. I once met a guy who constantly blew hot and cold…one minute telling me he was falling for and then frantically calling an uber the moment things started to heat up! I later learnt that this poor guy had ‘heart cancer’. No not a disease. But some sort of mental blockage caused by having his heart broken and being too frightened to get close to anyone in case they did the same thing. No offense taken. But I have to say it’s sad to see nice people constantly alone because they are scared to take risks and opt to focus on the potential negatives.

Where does this sort of cautious approach to love get you? From the experiences of those around me (I can’t speak from my own experience because to my own detriment I always follow the butterflies) I can tell you that launching preemptive strikes on potential budding romances doesn’t lead to much more than a sexless existence (true storiES!). And sure, you could say that sex doesn’t make the world go round (hmmm, I’d like to see you live through your own sex drought first!) but from what I’ve seen the mindset which involves erring on the side of caution and inevitably closing yourself of to the possibility of love also results in loneliness/bitterness. The other problem with walking away from something too soon is that, if you are anything like me, you’ll probably sit around wondering ‘what if’ for months/years to come.

At the end of the day, every relationship is going to have some stumbling blocks – some which cause the relationship to fail and others which can reasonably be overcome. It’s important to know when to admit defeat but its equally important to give things a fair shot. It’s not everyday that you meet someone who sparkles so when you do I personally think you need to see things through and that way if it does end miserably you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if?’, knowing that you put in your best efforts. If you opt to launch that preemptive strike and end things prematurely just to save yourself the heartache in the long-run, you’ll probably still end up a little bit heartbroken anyway because of the regrets.

Over to you do Rinsers. Have you ever launched a preemptive strike and ended a potential romance before it really got off the ground? Would you say such actions can save you from heartbreak or just leave you with a whole bunch of regrets? Share your stories in the comments below. 

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8 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · September 7

    I never did a preemptive strike but I have been on the receiving end of those who cut it off before giving me a chance. It was painful for me but in the end it was their loss and now someone’s else gain for life!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · September 12

      Ugh. I’ve always thought people have the right to end things early if it doesn’t feel right to them. I’ve always preferred that to being dragged along for the ride. Or basically till some other option came along. At least if I’ve been on the receiving end of something it’s sets you free to move on with your life.

      Like

  2. bklynboy59 · September 7

    And I do think we tend to overthink matters of the heart because the heart is very much in play emotionally. Which causes us to exhibit behaviors that normally we wouldn’t due to our own preconceived notions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · September 12

      I guess people who’ve been through heartache naturally want to limit the chances of it happening again. I guess its sometimes hard to let things just play out.

      Like

  3. Arline Brex · September 8

    hmmm sex drought!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · September 12

      Now I know you’d defo choose the DRAMA over a sex drought !!!!!

      Like

  4. zlotybaby · September 8

    I’ve always had a problem with ending things early even if I knew they weren’t going anywhere good (also in other areas of my life). I always wait till my breaking point which I don’t think is great but at least it saves me from what ifs. I don’t think it’s about asking universe for someone who breaks our pattern, life ain’t that easy and we have to break it ourselves. It’s a difficult job of saying “no” to people who may make you feel the butterflies but who aren’t good for you for other reasons, till eventually you meet the person who not only gives you butterflies but also is pragmatically a good match.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · September 12

      I think that often this thought of launching a preemptive strike just lasts a moment and then it fades, which also makes it hard to carry out. Of course, then there are some cases where the time spent formulating an exit strategy ends up being more than the time actually enjoying the relationship and other happy things – I suppose thats when we start to reach our breaking points. Until then its a bit of back and forth.

      Liked by 1 person

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