The Google’s Employee’s Diversity Rant Manifesto – A Few Words about “Biological” Differences Between Sexes

megaphone-2550737_1280Have you heard about the diversity rant manifesto published by one of Google’s employees? A man with conservative views states that the reason why women are underrepresented in the tech industry is because of biological differences between men and women.

I’ve actually read a version of the manifesto just to check whether the author is justly accused of sexism by the media. Let’s be honest, the moment something goes viral the actual story may fade away. Not this time! The guy puts it all out there. He enumerates “possible non-bias causes of the gender gap in tech” and quotes among them “personality differences”. Women, according to this specialist in our nature, are:

  • more interested in people than things
  • extroverted and gregarious rather than assertive
  • neurotic
  • more agreeable

According to him, instead of focusing on why there are so few women in leadership positions, we should focus on why there are so many men there. The reason for that is higher drive for status in males. The author suggest that the non biased-way to support women in tech is to embrace their “natural” characteristics.

I was shaking a little bit with anger and I was teary when I was reading it. Perhaps I’m being more “naturally” emotional as a woman and that’s why. Or perhaps we know shit about how men or women are. We can’t attribute to biology what’s in fact cultural. For centuries we’ve been living in a patriarchal society that told women they’re not as good as men. We’ve endured centuries of suppression of female intellect and stereotyping. The drill is: women are the caregivers, males the breadwinners. The success of a man is associated with money, self-expression and assertiveness. The success of a woman with obedience, homeliness and pleasantness. After centuries of such conditioning perhaps men may seem to be “naturally” more driven to achieve status and women more agreeable. It just seems natural, however, because that’s what we mostly see and this is because such characteristics are results of imposed social conditioning. We can’t possibly know how males and females would be if not for that! If in a hundred years of teaching women that they have the right to speak up and that their opinions matter, they’ll still be more agreeable than maybe (just maybe) we can start to talk about our natural inclinations to be in such a way.

As a kid I used to be a hardcore gamer and I knew a lot about computers. I could even fix small problems and if I couldn’t do it myself, I knew how to follow the instructions. I liked books and I liked computers. Informatics was one of my favorite subjects at school and I always had A’s in it. Then I went to high school and our informatics class got divided in two: boys and girls. For all I know the curriculum was pretty much the same and yet, there must have been a difference between us if we got divided in that way? I used to help others with various assignments as I just found them easy. I really enjoyed the class but I felt that whatever I did wasn’t going to get me recognition. And it didn’t. When the regional competition in informatics was happening none of the girls was encouraged to take part in it. I think that’s when I lost interest. Then life happened and I didn’t have time for gaming anymore. Slowly but surely I stopped reading updates about the newest gadgets in the tech world. Now, I need to ask my husband to sort things out for me, just like I’m “biologically” inclined to.

The guy who wrote the manifesto got fired. Justice has been done? Not really. Finger-pointing will just discourage people from speaking up and if they don’t speak up we’ll never know how many people believe such theories. We should find ways to make people understand why they’re wrong in their internalised sexism. They’re views are not “biological” and they’re not just like that. Such thinking is a product of social conditioning too and we should try to find ways to undo it. This guy is a Google engineer for goodness’ sake! We must ask ourselves: How do people with such views still slip through the cracks during their education?

 

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Cape Town Dating Stories – How NOT to spend 180 rand

IMG_7652.JPGI’m writing this post from the emergency room where I had to take #englishrosiee after what looked like an innocent spider bite got serious. The good thing about this not such a great event is the fact that we were able to leave the below average show “Cape Town Dating Stories” earlier.

Valued at 180 rand for an early bird ticket, this show was one of the most disappointing ones I’ve seen in my life. Did I laugh? I chuckled once or twice and smiled a few times but that’s about it. The show’s host is a non-binary individual with an exaggerated Russian accent going by the name of Natasha. Her outfit consists of a Russian army hat, high heels and, of course, an animal print jacket. A few warm-up jokes and it becomes clear whether the show will be your cup of tea or not: some people have lots of lols every time they hear a swear word, others feel that there needs to be something more to a joke than to say the word “cock” or “pussy”.

The show is based on a bunch of crude and highly sexual jokes. I guess one would expect a little bit of it at a dating related even, but to build a whole show on it is a different thing. I’m really not much of a prude but I guess that for the price I was expecting more than cheap toilet humor. Apart from the host, there were stand up comedians involved in the routine. Perhaps they were slightly more subtle than Natasha. Last but not least, the show involved the audience and used their experiences to allegedly spice things up. What can I say? This part was mostly lame too.

Now, what surprised me was that apart from a bunch of stone faces like mine and #englishrosiee’s, belonging to people who honestly didn’t find the show funny, a big part of the audience was laughing and a LOT. I don’t know whether it’s because they’ve never given a blowjob in their lives and it’s so FUNNY to hear that someone did or perhaps in still reasonably conservative South Africa swearing and sex are taboos and hearing someone being so candid about it feels liberating. Of course, there’s also this option that maybe just MAYBE I’m a snob deprived of a sense of humor… Anyway, I know that the show reminds me of myself at the age of three, when I learnt the word “ass”. I kept walking around and repeating it. The more people laughed hearing a little girl say it, the more I’d repeat it. If only I knew back then I could make money out of it, my life would have turned out completely different!

To sum up, if you blush every time you hear the word “fuck” or just honestly find toilet humor funny, go for it. As long as you enjoy yourself, it’s all good! Tastes differ! If it doesn’t sound like your thing rather spend your money on a nice dinner, a present for a loved one or on a vibrator. All of the above mentioned will bring you more joy.

“Yo Girl, Send Nudes” – When a Guy Wants to Be In You and Not With You

condomSex does improve people’s lives. Many of us had a fling or two after a long sex drought that led us nowhere but to fulfillment of our sexual needs. Others like casual sex. That’s totally fine and so are any other arrangements as long as you’re getting what you want. Unfortunately sometimes women want a relationship and pursue a guy who’s only interested in them for sexual reasons. Let’s find out how to tell that he wants to be in you and not with you.

Firstly, it’s quite easy to tell what a guy’s intentions are, if we keep our eyes open. This is of course a difficult task when we like (= are attracted) to someone. Men can be the opposite of subtle with sexual allusions and jokes. For instance when I was on a first date once I was running late and sent the guy a message innocently telling him I’ll be there in “2 secs” (read aloud) to which he replied “I like the sound of that 😉”. I should have turned around then or at least stay more vigilant. But you know what? The guy was hot and I hadn’t dated anyone in a while so I didn’t. This would be okay if later on in our fling I wouldn’t start to treat it seriously… Anyway, long story short two months later we ghosted each other because of the obvious incompatibility of interests. Are you thinking now: Surely, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of spice right in the beginning? Well, the problem is that the guy who’s potentially serious about you would probably chuckle seeing this message but wouldn’t say what he thought of, in fear of scaring you away. The guys who like you for the person you are show you respect and slowly ease into other kinds of jokes when you’re becoming more familiar. In the beginning, however, they’re interested in knowing you better not more intimately. They want to be around you first and foremost because they enjoy your company. The men who have different goals are heating things up too quickly because they’ll either get what they want (=sex) and quickly or they’ll go.

Very often women ignore such initial signals and just go with the flow, sleeping with a guy quite early. The right time for dropping your panties is an individual decision but you should be sure this is what you want because you feel comfortable with a guy and not because he’s been making things sexual and you feel pressurized. Another first date of mine after dropping me home asked whether he can count on getting into my house on the second date. Really??? I mean there could have been no doubts what they guy wanted and yet I still chatted to him for a bit after that till the whole thing fizzled out. The point is: the guy who’s interested in sex only will go anyway. Even the best sex can only last for so long. He won’t develop some sort of interest in your personality because of what you tell him during the pillow talk. If you want something serious and you feel that the guy doesn’t, don’t sleep with him. Otherwise, you’ll just end up with a heartbreak.

If you’ve already acted against your better judgement, you can still enjoy the fling for what it is. Don’t set yourself for a disappointment, though, by expecting something to come out of it. Some of these guys will lose their interest with you the moment you’ve slept together, others will keep you as a backpocket girl and occasionally booty call you. Don’t full yourself that a guys who sees you once in a blue moon at 12 o’clock when he’s drunk, is into you. He wants sex and you’re the source of it, that’s all there’s to it. Sure, you can try to convince yourself that he called you and not anyone else… But how do you know he wasn’t rejected by 5 other girls he called that night and you were just the last one he called who said yes? Rejection isn’t easy to swallow but it’s a necessary ingredient of moving on. There’s nothing you can do here but to stop seeing the guy. Chances are the guy is a player. He may as well be after something serious, though. It’s just that you two aren’t a match and he finds you attractive. If you’re sleeping with him given his half-hearted efforts, why wouldn’t he just go with it? He’s not losing anything in this scenario because he’s not emotionally invested. The onus of calling it quits is therefore on you.

Last but not least, PLEASE don’t send any nudes! The guy is clearly objectifying you, even when he’s with you. Do you want to go that low to become but a picture in his fap folder? As I mentioned before, chances are the guy is a player. If he’s he may not have enough decency to keep them to himself. Sure the horrific scenario when he publishes them on the web and tags you or something like that is rather unlikely unless you’re a superstar. At the same time he may be showing your pictures to someone else, which is even more humiliating than him using them himself. If you’ve done something like this in the past, there’s no point in crying over spilt milk. Just remember what it means next time you get a “Yo Girl, send nudes” message.

To sum up, if you’re on the lookout of a profound relation in a sense that has nothing to do with deep throats, remember these rules:

  1. Watch out for sexual jokes and allusions early on
  2. Be careful if a guy is making it all physical
  3. If you’re already in a sex-oriented relation either enjoy it for what it is or finish it but DO NOT lie to yourself it’ll turn into something serious
  4. Don’t send nudes for your own sake

Hello, Dear Rinsers! How are you today? Have you ever struggled with guys wanting just sex from you? Have you managed to break the pattern? Maybe you’re a guy who’s a player? The comments section is all yours. 

Now please enjoy one of my favorite music videos relating to the topic: