Sex does improve people’s lives. Many of us had a fling or two after a long sex drought that led us nowhere but to fulfillment of our sexual needs. Others like casual sex. That’s totally fine and so are any other arrangements as long as you’re getting what you want. Unfortunately sometimes women want a relationship and pursue a guy who’s only interested in them for sexual reasons. Let’s find out how to tell that he wants to be in you and not with you.
Firstly, it’s quite easy to tell what a guy’s intentions are, if we keep our eyes open. This is of course a difficult task when we like (= are attracted) to someone. Men can be the opposite of subtle with sexual allusions and jokes. For instance when I was on a first date once I was running late and sent the guy a message innocently telling him I’ll be there in “2 secs” (read aloud) to which he replied “I like the sound of that 😉”. I should have turned around then or at least stay more vigilant. But you know what? The guy was hot and I hadn’t dated anyone in a while so I didn’t. This would be okay if later on in our fling I wouldn’t start to treat it seriously… Anyway, long story short two months later we ghosted each other because of the obvious incompatibility of interests. Are you thinking now: Surely, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of spice right in the beginning? Well, the problem is that the guy who’s potentially serious about you would probably chuckle seeing this message but wouldn’t say what he thought of, in fear of scaring you away. The guys who like you for the person you are show you respect and slowly ease into other kinds of jokes when you’re becoming more familiar. In the beginning, however, they’re interested in knowing you better not more intimately. They want to be around you first and foremost because they enjoy your company. The men who have different goals are heating things up too quickly because they’ll either get what they want (=sex) and quickly or they’ll go.
Very often women ignore such initial signals and just go with the flow, sleeping with a guy quite early. The right time for dropping your panties is an individual decision but you should be sure this is what you want because you feel comfortable with a guy and not because he’s been making things sexual and you feel pressurized. Another first date of mine after dropping me home asked whether he can count on getting into my house on the second date. Really??? I mean there could have been no doubts what they guy wanted and yet I still chatted to him for a bit after that till the whole thing fizzled out. The point is: the guy who’s interested in sex only will go anyway. Even the best sex can only last for so long. He won’t develop some sort of interest in your personality because of what you tell him during the pillow talk. If you want something serious and you feel that the guy doesn’t, don’t sleep with him. Otherwise, you’ll just end up with a heartbreak.
If you’ve already acted against your better judgement, you can still enjoy the fling for what it is. Don’t set yourself for a disappointment, though, by expecting something to come out of it. Some of these guys will lose their interest with you the moment you’ve slept together, others will keep you as a backpocket girl and occasionally booty call you. Don’t full yourself that a guys who sees you once in a blue moon at 12 o’clock when he’s drunk, is into you. He wants sex and you’re the source of it, that’s all there’s to it. Sure, you can try to convince yourself that he called you and not anyone else… But how do you know he wasn’t rejected by 5 other girls he called that night and you were just the last one he called who said yes? Rejection isn’t easy to swallow but it’s a necessary ingredient of moving on. There’s nothing you can do here but to stop seeing the guy. Chances are the guy is a player. He may as well be after something serious, though. It’s just that you two aren’t a match and he finds you attractive. If you’re sleeping with him given his half-hearted efforts, why wouldn’t he just go with it? He’s not losing anything in this scenario because he’s not emotionally invested. The onus of calling it quits is therefore on you.
Last but not least, PLEASE don’t send any nudes! The guy is clearly objectifying you, even when he’s with you. Do you want to go that low to become but a picture in his fap folder? As I mentioned before, chances are the guy is a player. If he’s he may not have enough decency to keep them to himself. Sure the horrific scenario when he publishes them on the web and tags you or something like that is rather unlikely unless you’re a superstar. At the same time he may be showing your pictures to someone else, which is even more humiliating than him using them himself. If you’ve done something like this in the past, there’s no point in crying over spilt milk. Just remember what it means next time you get a “Yo Girl, send nudes” message.
To sum up, if you’re on the lookout of a profound relation in a sense that has nothing to do with deep throats, remember these rules:
- Watch out for sexual jokes and allusions early on
- Be careful if a guy is making it all physical
- If you’re already in a sex-oriented relation either enjoy it for what it is or finish it but DO NOT lie to yourself it’ll turn into something serious
- Don’t send nudes for your own sake
Hello, Dear Rinsers! How are you today? Have you ever struggled with guys wanting just sex from you? Have you managed to break the pattern? Maybe you’re a guy who’s a player? The comments section is all yours.
Now please enjoy one of my favorite music videos relating to the topic: