I think of all the people difficult to deal with in dating, people who say a lot but don’t do much are the worst kind. A guy like this may give you an impression that you’re going crazy, as there’s so much difference between what he says and what he does. Read on, if you’re wondering what it means and why he does it.
First of all, talk is cheap. This is why we should try to abstain from listening too much to what people say and rather look at what they do. I’m not talking here about some hyper-vigilance or an absolute lack of trust but just about making conclusions based on reality and not on wishful thinking.
Let me share with you a personal example. Once in my early twenties I went away for holiday to a different country and had what you’d call a summer fling. I didn’t treat it too seriously but then the guy started to convince me our countries are not too far apart and that we could make it work if we wanted to. Having had experience with a long(er) distance relationship I knew it was difficult but not impossible.
As he kept sweet talking me I started to trust his words and eventually warmed up to the idea. When the time for me to go came he said he loved me to which I didn’t reply as honestly this wasn’t how I felt. He took my email address and we said our goodbyes. He never contacted me after that.
I definitely was less into the thing than he was initially but when I was back home and he didn’t write to me, I suddenly started to care. I convinced myself he must have lost my email address and must be suffering from a horrible heartache. I even asked a friend who was in touch with his friend to send him my email address again. Nothing came out of it either.
I was desperate, upset and sure that the guy was dying of love for me, when the cruel world made it impossible for him to get in touch (cause how was I supposed to know that the friend who was to regive him the email address actually did it?).
I confided in a friend who just said calmly: Even if he actually lost your email address, don’t you think that if he really loved you, he would have found a way to get in touch? And here there came an enlightenment! (Which to be honest took me a month more to process).
The guy liked to talk. Perhaps there was even a moment when he believed in what he said, but following with actions was too much. Maybe his feelings faded as soon as I got on the bus and maybe he tried to get me to agree to long distance just because he wanted me to want him. Who the hell knows? The fact is I should have treated his words lightly and ended up having nice memories of a summer romance. Instead, I took it all seriously and was quite hurt in the end.
The moral of this story is: take to heart to what’s said to you ONLY if actions follow.
Easier said than done, you probably think. Sure, I know men can have very convincing excuses of why they can’t be with you or fully commit to you at a particular moment. Unfortunately, all these things are exactly that: excuses.
If people want something they grab it with both hands. They may be scared, they may feel that it’s not the right moment or the circumstances are challenging but they just go for it anyway. Which is why, when a man tells you things about how amazing you are and how much he likes you but doesn’t make an effort to make things work between you two because “things are complicated”, you should walk away.
He may truly like you a bit, he may be sort of into you but he has already decided it’s not enough to make it happen. Sometimes he won’t even give you excuses, but instead will keep telling you sweet things without making an actual effort to get closer to you.
There was this guy in my life, for instance, who claimed to really REALLY like me. According to his words we were a perfect match. What does it mean, though, in the eyes of the reality in which 3 out of 4 times I actually saw him was at the parties I organized. Needless to say these are the perfect circumstances to fool yourself you’re onto something real which will turn into a relationship.
You’re probably asking yourself why do they do it. Why do they say things they don’t mean and why don’t they just leave you alone? The answers are numerous and depend on the guy and the circumstances.
Some guys want a friends with benefits relation but are scared to offer it so instead they lead you on into thinking that one day you’ll be an item. Others, like to have a lot of backpocket girls to always have someone out there willing to hang out with them and give them some attention. Another group really likes you but not in the right way so they friend zone you (throw a stone first who’s never done it!). Last but not least, there are guys who may like the idea of a relationship with you but not its reality.
The point isn’t to figure out why they do it because if you think too much about it, you’ll find some perfect excuse why the guy can’t be with you now but once the problem is sorted he will and you’ll just wait for him instead of moving on.
I get it that you like him. We’ve all been there! We liked someone who for whatever reason didn’t like us back. It’s a big blow to the ego to realize that we’re being rejected. The point is, however, that if you just want to keep liking him, you’re not paying attention to all the guys that may be out there and who’ll be truly into you.
If you honestly compare what he’s been saying to you with what he’s been doing, you’ll see a big discrepancy. Don’t try to justify it to yourself!
Realize today he’s not a man of his word and tomorrow you’ll be one day closer to the moment when you’re over him.
People talk a lot and often they don’t mean what they say. It’s not cool but unfortunately it’s up to the listener to draw the right conclusions from such behaviors.
Hello, my Dearest Rinsers! Does that sound familiar? Ever experienced such behaviors? Or perhaps you’re the one who talks too much but doesn’t mean it? Tell me your secrets in the comments section, pretty please.