Why The Pursuit of ‘Mr Big’ Just Ends in Tears


Yes, I know SATC ended over a decade ago now. But hey, I am officially an elder who owns all six seasons plus two movies on DVD. Sure, the series was made in the days before Tinder and the like. And of course life would be so much better if writing blogs about dating could afford us a nice little apartment in Manhattan, we got to totter around in Jimmy Choos everyday looking fabulous and have mind-blowing sex the whole time. As unrealistic as SATC may have been it did not only provide years of entertainment and inspiration for millions of woman (and gay men!) but also influenced the way many view/shape our own dating lives.

One such aspect of the SATC phenomenon that has definitely infiltrated our sad little lives is what I’ll refer to as ‘The Pursuit of Mr Big’. I’m sure you’ve experienced it yourself or seen friends chasing THAT guy that does more or less everything wrong but still somehow manages to get under your skin and keeps you going back for more. Almost every girl has their ‘Mr Big’ and some us even openly refer to them as such (guilty!). And of course, just like Carrie, us girls keep chasing after these emotionally-unavailable fucktards. But you see the thing is, while Mr Big types really do exist the chances of ever finding happily ever after with such a person is very unlikely. Even the brains behind SATC, author Candice Bushnell, recently said in an interview with the Guardian that in real life Carrie would never actually end up marrying Mr Big.

And as much as we all conjure up this idealistic image of our own ‘Mr Big’ and pine for him as we try to recover from yet another douchey thing he has done, there really is no logical reason why we could ever expect to find stability or real happiness with him. Here are some of the reasons why SATC was just wrong and why the pursuit of ‘Mr Big’ will end in disaster:

Commitment issues

Probably the biggest issue with this ‘Mr Big’ type guy is that they can’t commit. It’s like they want to keep their options open. Whether it’s about pursuing job opportunities in Paris or trying out other women in the hopes of perhaps finding a better fit (read: more subservient) they just have an inability to stick to anything.

Of course, in the series Mr Big finally ‘sees sense’ realises that the girl that waited around for him for so long was actually ‘the one’ and chases her down  and eventually marries her but lets be real we’ve all met real life commitment phobes and most of them remain single, still ‘playing the field’, well into their 40s, 50s and 60s.


Of course, having a few divorces under one’s belt isn’t a deal breaker for everyone and the older we get the more baggage we all accumulate. And by the time her a woman hits her 30s it’s a bit like beggar’s can’t be chooser’s, right?

Well…take it on a case by case basis if you want but believing you will be the girl who’ll manage to hold down a guy with multiple divorces to his name might be a bit delusional. If there is a bit of a pattern I think it’s fair to say he is the common denominator?

Cheating Scumbag

Can a leopard ever really change his spots? Sure, people can change but there is a reason why people say ‘if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you’. It may have been a bit of fun and games being the Other Woman when Mr Big was married to Natasha. But a real life ‘Mr Big’ would have probably cheated on Carrie too! Would you really want to be looking over you should forever more?

Brings out the worst in you

Yes, I understand that there needs to be some compromise for any relationship to work. But neglecting the good things in your life and picking up bad habits – such as binge drinking, smoking and constantly flaking on your friends – because of a guy you want to impress…well we’ve all been there but it doesn’t usually lay a good foundation for happily ever after, does it now?

Surely, a healthy relationship isn’t simply about finding a person that keeps you on your toes but also about being someone who brings our the best in you and promotes a positive change in your life?

And at the end of the day ‘Mr Big’ is a somewhat overrated guy named JOHN and Carrie should have married Aiden!  

We’ve all had those ‘what the hell was I thinking?’ moments when we look back at our dating history.  Personally, I don’t think the ‘Mr Big’ characters in our lives are all bad. If nothing else, they teach us something about ourselves and what we want/don’t want from a relationship. They also often give us good stories. However this doesn’t mean we need to hold out in hope that one day this guy may get down on one knee and propose to us with a our own sparkly shoe.

And of course, some would argue that Aiden too boring and predictable. But think about it. Doesn’t there just come a point in your life when you are too busy to play games constantly trying to figure out what a person wants from you? Let’s be honest, Aiden may not have been quite as exciting as ‘Mr Big’ but he actually knew what he wanted and treated Carrie better than just a BackPocket Girl and in my old age I guess I see something nice in that.

Rinser, Do you have (or had) your version of ‘Mr Big’? Do you think it is possible to be truly happy with such a person? Share your thoughts in the comments below. 






  1. Ha! I thought Carrie was an idiot when she cheated on Aiden with Mr Big. She’s into unavailable men and that can’t end up in happily ever after. You just can’t have the important things such as intimacy, trust and reliability with these sort of man. Changing a bad boy into a good one is a fantasy that TV and cinema love to exploit and it’s very harmful. You can never have a healthy relationship with someone who’s unavailable like Mr Big. Even in the unlikely scenario when such a man does eventually become available such woman who wanted him to change would lose interest, because she’s not into available men at the first place… Carrie needed psychotherapy! To sum up, it’s an impossible quest that can only lead to tears and drama!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. God, I miss that show! I only got into it a few years back when I was in college, but it was such a fun show. As for Carry’s character, I was never really a fan of her’s; I enjoyed her friends more- even Samantha with all her sexcapades. Early on, I really wanted Carry and Mr. Big to end up together, but then Aiden came along and he was really good for her. I guess he became the inevitable ‘one that got away.’

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh. I don’t think of Aiden as the one that got away. In my younger days I would have thought the Aiden character was bit dull – he wanted to settle down and do things properly. Mr Big is far more interesting, fabulous and exciting. However, as you say he was bad for Carrie. The story was a bit stupid in that in real life one of her good friends would have told her straight that Mr Big wasn’t marriage material but its fiction and in our dreams we can get happily ever after with this type of guy. In reality, it would be a disastr.

      Liked by 1 person

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