Matchmaking – Can it Work These Days?

organic dating

Back in the days a lot of parents used services of matchmakers to find a spouse for their children. They were mostly interested in the future husband’s financial status (how many cows and chickens does he have), the dowry (how many cows and chickens can her parents pay him and his family) and whether the bride was pretty. Love was something that happened to the lucky ones but wasn’t considered important in marriage. This sort of matchmaking is still used in some parts of the world but most kids these days listen to their heart and choose their partners themselves. Could a matchmaker still help them with the choice?

Certainly thanks to dating apps and online dating services there’s much less shame associated with looking for a partner. Tinder may be considered a more chilled and fun thing to do, but many aren’t ashamed to say they’re looking for something serious (or are ashamed but tick the right boxes on their profiles anyway). Online dating apps and websites widen our options but the computer generated matches have their limitations and we still have to put a lot of effort into the search. Now imagine someone does that for you. Instead of you going through hundreds of profiles someone you paid will look for the matches. They’d filter their database for your deal breakers and the treats you desire, hopefully coming up with someone worth your time. Sounds like a sweet deal but at the same time seems a little bit impersonal. Using dating apps at least you end up talking to a person you’ll go on a date with and very superficially you can get a “feel” of them by their looks. Your matchmaker will send you on a date with a complete stranger. Additionally, using such professionals limits the choice of people to those willing to pay a lot for such a service.Β It can be a plus for people with high status or gold diggers, but maybe average mortals prefer a more personalized approach with a wider number of options. Last but not least, going on dates is a good experience in terms of deciding on you preferences and building your social skills. To minimize the dates can be therefore counterproductive.

We’ve discussed the professional services, but what about the more traditional matchmaking? I’m not talking here about elderly ladies in your community but your family. Surely you experience this or that relative trying to set you up on a date because you’re not getting any younger? I’m afraid your aunt worried about your spinster/bachelor status may be to eager to set you up on a date with anyone. “I know a nice boy/girl” usually means “I know someone who’s single and you shouldn’t be too picky”. We have a saying in Polish which translates into “He can have one eye as long as it happens this year” and I find it very relevant in this scenario. Because of the desperation factor chances of a success are quite slim and you don’t want to be dealing with a family member forever reminding you how “nice” Jeremy or Gillian were and how they don’t get why nothing happened. Rather avoid such set-ups. “Helpful” parents can be even worse aiming at the types with high paying jobs, regardless of how dull they are. Don’t forget that very often our family (especially extended) doesn’t know us too well so don’t get into the trap of giving it a chance. You surely will be better off doing the search yourself.

Last but not least, there are friends. Are their matchmaking skills worth anything? Your friends are likely to know you better than your family or this lady from a paid matchmaking service. I think of the three here’s your biggest chance of success. Of course some may just want to set you up with anyone because “you deserve to be with someone” and secretly they just want to double date with you. Such forced dates can be super awkward and the matches not much better than your aunt’s choices. Most of your friends, however, will genuinely keep their eyes open and if they meet someone they think would click with you, they can arrange a meet up. An introduction at a party is less awkward than a double date sort of vibe but the latter gives you an opportunity to learn more about the person. Of course it doesn’t have to work but I think if you’re on the lookout it’s worth a shot. I’ve matchmaked people (both couples broke up, though), seen people happily matchmaked and even know one married couple, who met in this way. The only disadvantage is that, in case of an unsuccessful date, you may end up seeing such a person a lot due to a mutual circle of friends. It’s not too bad, if you just remember to postpone the panty dropping time till you know it’s worth it.

To conclude, matchmaking can certainly work. Nevertheless, the professional services limit our range of options. Family just doesn’t seem to be a good dating database as they tend to oppose your singledom a bit desperately. Friends are probably your best bet in terms of successful modern matchmaking.

So, Dear Rinsers, what do you think about matchmaking? Have you ever been set up with anyone? Perhaps you played a matchmaker yourself?


  1. Firstly, being the cold-hearted biatch I am. I would say paying to find love is a bit sad. I considered paying for Tinder Plus at some point in my life but decided against it because I refused to let my love life hit that kind of love. Not much better than paying for sex really. Someone will kill me now. πŸ˜›

    As you say, family have their own motives. Sure they are likely to introduce to a nice (read boring) boy with a good career but the chances of sparkles …hmmm. Also, there is this added pressure of being on your best behaviour. Are you truly going to get into a heated debate on an important issue with a boy that could potentially report back to his olds and destroy your name within your community/family circle.

    Friends are, as you said, the best bet. Even when they want to double date with you, they are probably the ones who know the most about your past failures and therefore can try to avoid having you make the same mistakes. However, the downside to having doing the match making is that they are forever going to keep an eye on how your relationship is progressing and this can cause additional pressure for the couple to make things succeed. It’s hard to let things grow organically when you’ve got friends eagerly waiting for things to be made official and wanting to get a blow by blow account of everything. The moment you arrive separately to a party, because maybe someone had to work late then the matchmaker starts panicking that their little experiment hasn’t worked out!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think for some people it makes sense. If you’re really rich and successful (or famous) the normal dating apps may be difficult to use. But ja, I agree for normal mortals it seems a bit despo. Definitely different than paying for sex, though. Lol!

      I’ve never been successfully matched by friends, not even close. As I said I’ve matched people and yes I’ve been guilty of prying into “how’s it going?”. Also I probably was too interested in the reasons why didn’t a date work out or why my suggestion wasn’t great… mistakes of the youth! I hope your matchmaker isn’t being to nosy πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think I’m a good matchmaker! I’ve introduced several people to each other, and there was even a wedding (*takes a bow). I’m very good at matching myself with others online, I love dating like that : ) Friends are a good resource, but it’s also up to you to be open and available for dates/interactions. I still think online rocks (I’m 50 and love it).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well done! Perhaps you should think about going professional? πŸ˜‰ Ja, I agree that online is best because it gives you more options than what your social circle does. That’s how I’ve met my husband so I may be positively biased πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a Universe away from the culture I was born into and raised. I used to hear my grandmother speak about matchmaking and arranged marriages but that was the decades of her mother which is now like over a 100 years ago and do understand different cultures have different traditions. I’ve never played the matchmaker because I felt it showed a lack of respect to the couple, the same goes for arranged marriages. What if you match someone and the relationship turns sour or one person turns out to be the complete opposite of who you thought they were?

    Love is something grows between two people. I also believe in soulmates, some people click and some people just do. Remove technology, matchmaking for a minute. If you can’t find the time to search out a partner then you won’t have enough time to nature a relationship. But that’s just my 5pence πŸ˜‰

    Great post btw.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nice profile pic! My grandmother also says in her times people considered what a future son or daughter in-law could bring “to the table” even if matchmakers weren’t used anymore as such.

      That’s a very interesting point of view! They say that the way to hell is paved with good intentions, after all. I guess my matchmaking efforts always came from the intuitive feeling that “I know” but I guess, we really do know little about people. Someone who’s a great friend may not be such an amazing partner and the situation in which they turn out different than we thought should be considered. These days I’m trying to stay out of such business but I occasionally still “matchmake” people with jobs πŸ˜‰

      Oh, sure, that’s this aspect of matchmaking as well. If you want to pay a professional to get you a date for 5 o’clock next Thursday because that’s the only time when you’re free in the whole month, that’s probably not a good sign.


      • Thanks for the compliment on my profile photo.

        Actually I think the road to hell is paved with good intentions gone bad. lol! I think it is possible to have two friends that you think would be a perfect match. That’s how my aunt was introduced to her husband, they both had a mutual friend who thought they were a perfect match. This year my aunt and her husband will be celebrating 13 years of marriage. How’s that for matchmaking. I’m so stubborn and a lot of my friends are so shady, I’m always suspicious of anything they do so not entirely sure I would’ve trusted their matchmaking like my aunt did πŸ˜‰

        Aren’t relationship now like a fast food drive through. You find a matchmaker /dating site and place your order: Tall, Dark, Handsome, Fit and with a fat wallet? :p

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha πŸ˜‰ Your aunt seem to have had some luck! I’m sure that some people have a very good intuition but I think one must be careful to spare others disappointment. Also a friendship can go sour, if you introduced a friend to a heartbreaker or a cheat…

        I don’t think relationship have become that… now hooking up and flings, that’s a different story πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.