Sure, I’m more guilty than most when it comes to bitching and moaning about the men I have dated. And I’ll admit I probably spend far too much time talking about my exes. Gosh, I even blog about it (well you have to forgive me because the writing saves me thousands of rands on the threapy I need after all the trauma I’ve had to deal with!). But the truth is the past is the past and at some point we all need to be reasonable, admit that it took two to destroy a ‘relationship’, and eventually move on and continue the search for happily ever after. Right? Well, not for some. Today, dear Rinsers, I want to talk about people who have succumbed to a sort of victim mentality aka Sore Loser Syndrome.
Unless you are a 30 something virgin or one of the lucky few that were content to marry their high school sweetheart, most of us have had our fair share of bad relationships/romantic encounters. It is OK to have the odd bitch and moan/LOL session with your girlfriends, reminiscing about an a date’s terrible fashion sense or how utterly blinded you were to miss the ridiculously ignorant stuff (e.g how girls of a certain ethnicity should stick to people of their own kind because getting involved with someone of a different race is purely an example of your low self-esteem and an attempt to climb the ladder of social class) an ex would witter on about. But there does come a time when we need to draw a line and realise that this mindless chitter chatter doesn’t lead to anything productive.
Telling a girl that you just started dating that your ex wife was a FAT PIG only serves to show her how superficial you are. Alternatively, going on and on about how your ex cheated on you and broke your heart, isn’t going to change what happened. Sure, people feel sorry for you but eventually even your bestie will get tired of seeing you wallow in self-pity. What we need to acknowledge is that it’s rare for an old relationship to have ended beautifully but painting an ex as an evil, wife-beating, ogre and yourself as the innocent victim is really not that believable, however much we may wish to kid ourselves. The people we talk to have pasts as well and while they may nod sympathetically, they’ll still probably take your little nightmare-ish story with a pinch of salt.
Now for the flipside. What do you do when you meet someone who constantly bad mouths people from their past? Well, listen carefully to what they are saying. Try to spot if there is a common thread running through their stories. Ask yourself why they are constantly being shafted by people? Why are they always the victim? Remember there are always two sides to the story. Then as hard as it maybe try to picture a point somewhere in the future where maybe this little thing you’ve got going disintergrates and imagine what they’ll be saying about you. Just think, all those FAT PIGs they used to date, those MEAN girls, those chicks with low self-esteem, well all of them were probably once in your position – standing on the cusp of a budding romance and now? Well, they are nothing more than horrible, fat pigs that took advantage of this poor little soul.
The point I’m making here? Yes, it’s only human to vent about our exes and how they did us wrong. Just be selective about who you have the bitch fest with. And most importantly, know when to stop because there comes a point in all the whingeing and whining when you start to sound like a sore loser. Calling your ex a brain dead troll says more about you than it does about them. If they were so ugly and stupid, why were you dating them in the first place? Seems like you are the stupid one now doesn’t it? As hard as it sometimes, we all need to play nice. Although, it may not be easy to remember, we all must have had some fun with our exes once upon a time so just let go of all the negativity and move on. It’ll increase your chances of finding your happily ever after I promise!