Sore Loser Syndrome – When To Stop Bitching and Moaning

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Sure, I’m more guilty than most when it comes to bitching and moaning about the men I have dated. And I’ll admit I probably spend far too much time talking about my exes. Gosh, I even blog about it (well you have to forgive me because the writing saves me thousands of rands on the threapy I need after all the trauma I’ve had to deal with!). But the truth is the past is the past and at some point we all need to be reasonable, admit that it took two to destroy a ‘relationship’, and eventually move on and continue the search for happily ever after. Right? Well, not for some. Today, dear Rinsers, I want to talk about people who have succumbed to a sort of victim mentality aka Sore Loser Syndrome.

Unless you are a 30 something virgin or one of the lucky few that were content to marry their high school sweetheart, most of us have had our fair share of bad relationships/romantic encounters.  It is OK to have the odd bitch and moan/LOL session with your girlfriends, reminiscing about an a date’s terrible fashion sense or how utterly blinded you were to miss the ridiculously ignorant stuff (e.g how girls of a certain ethnicity should stick to  people of their own kind because getting involved with someone of a different race is purely an example of your low self-esteem and an attempt to climb the ladder of social class) an ex would witter on about.  But there does come a time when we need to draw a line and realise that this mindless chitter chatter doesn’t lead to anything productive.

Telling a girl that you just started dating that your ex wife was a FAT PIG only serves to show her how superficial you are. Alternatively, going on and on about how your ex cheated on you and broke your heart, isn’t going to change what happened. Sure, people feel sorry for you but eventually even your bestie will get tired of seeing you wallow in self-pity. What we need to acknowledge is that it’s rare for an old relationship to have ended beautifully but painting an ex as an evil, wife-beating, ogre and yourself as the innocent victim is really not that believable, however much we may wish to kid ourselves. The people we talk to have pasts as well and while they may nod sympathetically, they’ll still probably take your little nightmare-ish story with a pinch of salt.

Now for the flipside. What do you do when you meet someone who constantly bad mouths people from their past? Well, listen carefully to what they are saying.  Try to spot if there is a common thread running through their stories. Ask yourself why they are constantly being shafted by people? Why are they always the victim? Remember there are always two sides to the story.  Then as hard as it maybe try to picture a point somewhere in the future where maybe this little thing you’ve got going disintergrates and imagine what they’ll be saying about you. Just think, all those FAT PIGs they used to date, those MEAN girls, those chicks with low self-esteem, well all of them were probably once in your position – standing on the cusp of a budding romance and now? Well, they are nothing more than horrible, fat pigs that took advantage of this poor little soul.

The point I’m making here? Yes, it’s only human to vent about our exes and how they did us wrong. Just be selective about who you have the bitch fest with. And most importantly, know when to stop because there comes a point in all the whingeing and whining when you start to sound like a sore loser. Calling your ex a brain dead troll says more about you than it does about them. If they were so ugly and stupid, why were you dating them in the first place? Seems like you are the stupid one now doesn’t it? As hard as it sometimes, we all need to play nice. Although, it may not be easy to remember, we all must have had some fun with our exes once upon a time so just let go of all the negativity and move on. It’ll increase your chances of finding your happily ever after I promise!

 

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8 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · 7 Days Ago

    Makes sense what you said especially the part about if they are talking this way about others imagine how they talk about you. Great point. Also st one time you and the ex got along enough to date so why trash them now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · 7 Days Ago

      Yeah. I don’t blame people for looking back with 20/20 hindsight and having some regret at the things they did or the people they dated but I find some people go over the top with the hating. Needs to be kept in perspective and we need to take accountability for our mistakes/bad decisions instead of simply blaming the other person.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Like

  2. bexoxo · 7 Days Ago

    A few months after my break up with my ex, we ran into each other at a bar; me with my new guy, him with a group of friends. I smiled at him and he responded with a scowl. A couple hours later, after I had gotten home, I saw on Snapchat that my ex had posted a pic of him and a group of girls with a caption that said ‘Seeing your ex and not calling her a whore.’ At first, I was hurt by it, but then I realized how pathetic he was for not being able to move on, even after months being apart. And like you stated, we had been together for 8 years… what’s that comment saying about you, there buddy?

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · 2 Days Ago

      It’s OK to not be over someone. That is human but however angry you are its silly to to show your emotions on a public forum.

      Thanks for commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. JayJay · 4 Days Ago

    English Rosie,

    I started reading this blog because of zlotybaby who’s a good writer. I was sorely disappointed because you, unlike her, are not a good writer.

    I have so much contempt for this narcissistic worldview. I’m not even saying to be mean but English Rosie you are honestly 1/10 on looks scale. It sounds mean as hell but when a girl is 1/10 you hope she’ll overcompensate and you know – be a fucking decent human being.

    Not you.

    You have no empathy for men. You don’t see men as human beings. You see men as disposable one-dimensional beings to serve your need for a relationship. About 80 % of suicides are MEN. 93 % of men die in a workplace. Men are sent to WAR because they are disposable. Men are banned to talk about their problems or feelings because they WHINE just so we could have a TROLL like you EnglishRosie spewing her dating “wisdom” from one Sex and The City movie. You don’t even understand what men WANT nor how they think.

    NOT EVEN to mention that you judged SA men as BROKE ASS LOSERS as if SA was booming with work and opportunities like the US or Switzerland or Singapore. What the hell are you on?

    https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/oct/31/social-media-campaign-male-suicide

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/prince-william-suicides-mental-health-tipping-point-east-anglia-air-ambulance-harry-calm-interview-a7688161.html

    http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jane-powell/world-suicide-prevention-day_b_11947706.html

    http://www.esquire.co.uk/culture/longform/a9202/britain-male-suicide-crisis/

    The best part is: you have no empathy for men. They are not real to you. You fail so fucking hard at dating because you can’t possibly (as a narcissist) look things from another person’s point of view. You mention you dated “lily pad white boy” as if he was nothing more but a trophy but it stops there.

    English Rosie, are you beautiful? Are you attractive? Do you have sex appeal? High status? Class? Money? Other than your British passport (which YOU brought up as your asset) what do you even have to offer. Where’s this entitlement that the world or the universe should grant you a provider?

    Stop saying RINSERS. Go back to Twitter and Tinder you troll. Nobody reads this blog for you. Nobody agrees with your coldhearted attitude.

    English Rosie, the world is unfair about a lot of things. But you are not a nice person. You are delusional. You talk about Christian Grey in a country where rape and murder and HIV are the norm. Shame on you. The world doesn’t owe you a man or a date nor does it owe you love because if I got one thing right, you know jackshit about love or empathy.

    I’m genuinely appalled by the sheer amount of horseshit you write online. And you are obsessed. And you honestly have nothing to offer but contempt and criticism. Post after post after post after post you write about the same garbage from a different point of view. You are UGLY. You have NO empathy. Why are you complaining? Numbers seem just right to me.

    EnglishRosie, you are genuinely the ugliest person I’ve ever met. You may criticize men and say they are broke and that they have nothing to offer but my honest insight is that you are absolutely worthless when it comes to any kind of inner or outer beauty.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · 2 Days Ago

      Hi ‘JayJay’

      Thanks for your comments. We welcome different viewpoints here on RinseBeforeUse.

      It may take me a while to respond adequately to all the points you’ve made. But you started by telling me I am a 1/10 on a beauty scale simply because you do not like my opinions. Fair enough but by doing this you are just proving the point I was making in my post – someone doesn’t get what they want (or in your case doesn’t like what they read) and they then hurl insults.

      Next, the intention of my posts has never been to drive men to suicide just to put things in perspective a little. My comments reflect my experiences, those of other people I interact with and things I read. I don’t hate men, I wouldn’t continue dating if I did. But I do think times have changed and in many (NOT ALL) cases men do seem to want it all. Times are changing, women are more independent – in Western societies at least men no longer own us, we stand on our two feet so they can’t expect us to be subservient as maybe women once were.

      Next. References to Mr Grey. Well, there are a lot of people out there who would think that the use of a few whips, chains and sex toys between two consenting adults really has very little to do with rape, murder and HIV in South Africa.

      And you say nobody reads this blog. Well, you my friend did a pretty good job. You even managed to (mis)quote me. But nice try!

      Like

  4. JayJay · 4 Days Ago

    Rachel Hurd-Wood and Rosie Huntington Whiteley are “English Rose”. No, doesn’t anyone see the elephant in the room that you’re not even close to being an English Rose? No? We’re just being friends here and keeping quiet even if that means perpetuating hateful bullshit, o ok.

    Who do you think you are? I also find it hilarious to see zlotybaby’s posts juxtaposed with yours on Twitter “How to Be Realistic in Love” and “Destructive Insecurity” and you’re just not getting it aren’t you?

    You are a toxic friend. You infect people with your own insecurities. You will not rest until you destroy someone else’s happy life because that is the only thing that will validate your worldview (where you are an English Rose and all MEN are Broke Ass Losers with no taste because they don’t want you. Of course ALL MEN-blanket statement- are at fault, not you, what gives?).

    Tinder is really for low-class people. Twitter is for low-class people. The fact that you love to use these apps and the fact that YOU are on them makes it plain and simple that they are not places to look for love.

    You are a horrible horrible simpleminded person.

    With friends like you who needs enemies?

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · 2 Days Ago

      The #englishroisee thing is just a pseudonym but I am glad you spent so much time taking that seriously !

      I haven’t been told as yet of any happy lives I’ve ruined with my toxic personality or blog posts and there I was thinking nobody read this blog, let alone let it ruin their lives 😛

      Over 50 million people use Tinder globally and there over 300 million users on twitter! Well done on tarnishing them ALL as low-class. Exactly the same thing you accuse me of doing to ALL men!

      Like

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