When you get married to the person you love you’re happy. However, during your happily ever after you encounter people who ask too many questions and you’re still happy, albeit occasionally irritated. Let me share 5 questions I’m often asked, which I find annoying.
1. Where is your husband?
Going to a networking event on your own? Or perhaps just having a dinner out with a friend? Be prepared to have someone ask you “Where is your husband?”. I did hear versions of this question before, when we were still boyfriend and girlfriend but I hear it more often since we got married. I could also bet then there’s a sprinkle of sexism in it and when my husband is out in similar circumstances no one asks him “Where is your wife?” I don’t know why people assume once you get married you spend 100% of your time together. It’s not healthy. What’s healthy is spending most of your time together, at the same time not neglecting your friends and your interests. A happy and healthy partner is a fulfilled individual not a person glued to their spouse.
2. When are you going to have children?
We visited my family in Poland recently and of course a lot of people inquired about our reproductive goals. Friends are usually more tactful but some acquaintances would also pry. There are numerous reasons why this question sucks. For starters: am I asking you about your sex life? NO. You should realize that a question about procreation is a question about someone’s sex life that doesn’t become all of a sudden public just because the person is married. Another fact is some people can’t have children and they consider it a personal tragedy. They probably don’t want to talk about it and by prying you may cause pain and discomfort. Last but not least, many people may just not want to have children yet. Others don’t want them at all and some don’t want to have biological offspring. I’d say that the rule is: if you don’t know the answer, you’re probably not close enough with the couple to know. What does it have to do with you anyway, when/whether they’ll have children?
3. How’s married life?
!!!!! How’s single life? How’s a life of a boyfriend and girlfriend? How’s a life of someone who clearly doesn’t know how to make small talk? Married life is like any other life. Yes, getting married is nice and if you marry the right person life’s awesome. Nevertheless, if you married the right person you relationship before marriage was great too (the reason why you got married, huh?). Perhaps it’s a conversation starter, but to be honest I have more to say to “How have you been?” because then I can talk about my work, our plans for the future and so on. What the hell are you supposed to answer to “How’s married life?”?
- “Sex’s still great, thanks!”
- “It’s true women DO pick up on weight after getting married!”
- “Life is so much better after we no longer live in sin”
… It’s just a stupid question. Just don’t.
4. What’s your name now?
I did elaborate on the married name dilemma before. Legally you have three options: Keep your name, take your husband’s name, make it double trouble. Don’t assume a woman has to change her name or that not changing it means anything about the relationship. There are million of great reasons to keep your maiden name and the main of them is that it means less paperwork. Once you get married you’ll see for yourself. I don’t know many married women who have not regretted their decision of altering their surname. You can’t imagine how much paperwork, for instance, is involved in case of an international marriage. Changing your name on your social media profiles is the best way to avoid any questions about it (unless of course you’ve decided to keep your old name, then people will just keep prying).
5. Are things any different now?
Of all the questions enumerated this one irritates me the least. I’ve asked people about it myself and I understand it’s a genuine one. People are simply curious. Having said that, it’s just tiring to give everyone a reply to it so I’ll just write it here and will be asking people to visit the blog if they’d like to know my thoughts. I think that even today marriage is a commitment and it does mean something for people who decide to be together “for better and worse”. All the “we’re a team now” and “you can count on me” during a relationship of course mean a lot but when two people decide to make such promises publicly it’s a big deal. At the same time, just saying that gets you a lot of aggression on the side of those that are in a long-term relationships without marriage so I don’t really know a) where the aggression is coming from if marriage truly DOESN’T CHANGE ANYTHING and b) why they’re asking. Single girls or those still in short-term/medium-term relationships are usually nicer in such conversations.
What are your thoughts, Rinsers? Have you asked similar questions? Or perhaps you’ve been irritated by being asked yourself? Any additions to the list?