“Cushioning” and When to Delete Dating Apps

appsHave you heard about cushioning? Nihil novum sub sole (there is nothing new under the sun)! This “new” trend is nothing else but the old school keeping your options open. In this particular variation, a person is in a relationship but at the same time they keep using their dating apps, chatting and flirting with other people, just in case a break-up happens.

The trend has to do with online dating changing the way in which people commit. Back in the days it was pretty straightforward. You met someone, you stopped seeing other people and voilà, you were in a relationship! Some people would still keep seeing other people, regardless of their relationship status, but those would be call cheats. These days it’s more complicated than that. Would you call someone who keeps their dating app on their phone a cheat? Is it only wrong if they actually end up meeting up with someone in real life or is there something iffy about just checking out the app?

I guess I’ve always been rather prudish about these things. If you’re single do what you want, but if you’re in a relationship commit. Sure, it’s not the worst thing to get some experience but even so, you should give it an honest try. Otherwise, perhaps staying at home and reading a book or hanging out with your girlfriends are better ways to spend time. If you’re on the receiving end, I’d say that if a guys tells you “he’s still on Tinder and checks what’s happening there from time to time” you’re most probably a backpocket girl. Perhaps you call it a relationship but when people are halfheartedly involved, they won’t blink to leave you when something better comes their way or if you just become boring/annoying for them.

What it means for dating apps is: if you feel like you want to keep chatting to people on dating apps, you’re just wasting your time and the time of the other person. Especially once you established you’re dating, it isn’t fair to keep looking around. Swiping on Tinder or using okcupid, isn’t any different than flirting with someone at the bar or giving people your number when asked for it on the street. I’m not saying delete the app immediately but to cease using it is a good idea if you feel you like someone. It’s just an honest thing to do and surely you’d prefer the other person to treat you in the same way. Once you know where you’re standing and that you have a BF/GF you’re happy with, you can get rid of your profiles altogether and hopefully you’ll never have to set them up again.

What do you think, Rinsers? Is keeping your dating apps going as bad as real life flirting? Have you ever kept your options open in this way? What do you think about those that do?

Advertisements

8 comments

  1. EttaD · May 16

    If you’re in a relationship that you’re happy with or want out of, why do you still need the dating App? FOr me it’s like being married but still having a side piece incase you get bored with your wife or for days your wife says she had a headache 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · May 16

      You’re back! Yay! Oh yes, I totally agree. Apparently modern world doesn’t, though 😞

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bexoxo · May 16

    I had a friend who used dating sites as a way to meet friends, albeit friends of the opposite sex, but friends nonetheless. But I 100% agree with you; if someone is in a committed relationship, then the app has got to go.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · May 16

      I had such a friend too! It does happen and if that’s the case there’s nothing wrong with it (as long as they let people know they only want a friendship so they don’t get their hopes up ;)). I don’t think it’s the majority, though.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bklynboy59 · May 17

    What happened to commitment? By my second date with my wife I had taken down my profile and was all in to our relationship. If you keep the app and you are seeing other people…and you’re flirting on the app with more people…then you are cheating be it emotionally but you are not giving the person in front of you your undivided attention.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · May 18

      I agree with you. I don’t think that there’s any rule but I do think that if you like someone you’re just not interested in anyone else. I stopped using my apps by date 2 with my husband but I felt deleting them so early would be “jinxing it” so I just kept them unused for a bit.

      I guess it’s okay to keep your app if you’ve agreed on that with the person you’re seeing. Otherwise it is unfair and means not giving a relationship a proper chance.

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · May 18

        I think even keeping it used is still keeping it as a option which to me once you have met that special one that site served it’s purpose. Also why would I look to see if someone else is cool with me keeping my app??? That sends a red flag to the person you are seeing that you are not committed to giving this a chance.

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · May 18

        I said I kept it UNused. I didn’t look at it or open it. My husband did the same. Have you never been wrong? Have you never thought someone REALLY liked you and learned that it wasn’t so? Such experiences make you more cautious and I felt like by not deleting the app immediately (even though I didn’t use it) I was protecting myself from being too hurt. It was more of a symbolic thing, I guess. We both got rid of them before a month of dating passed.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s