I spend an awful lot of time complaining about the lack of alpha males left in the world and how tired I am of my constant encounters with Mama’s Boys. Look, I’m not hating on guys that love their mothers (in the conventional mother-son way – no incest here please!) and have healthy relationships with their family. Actually, I think having solid, long-term relationships that stem from childhood are probably a good thing when it comes to forming functional relationships as an adult. However, dealing with men who are incapable of doing the simplest of tasks does become tiresome. Cooking a simple dinner, loading the laundry and driving oneself home from soccer practice shouldn’t be rocket science for anyone with half a brain. Right? Well not so for today’s Mama’s Boys. In today’s post, I want delve deeper into this problem and ask who is to blame for the existence of this mutation of the male species?
Well, let’s start by looking at a few factors…
Blame The Mothers
Yes, let’s begin with the obvious. Mothers who’ve failed to cut the umbilical cord with their 30-something son have a lot to answer for. Of course, it’s natural for a Mum to want the best for her little boy but if she hasn’t told him to get off his lazy ass, get a job and most importantly move out of home by their early-mid 20s…well then she is doing her progeny no favours and better kiss goodbye to her prospects of becoming a grandmama!
As cheesy as it sounds, parents are supposed to give their kids wings so they can fly and these Mothers need to bite the bullet, set their little brats free and get over their selfish fears of empty nest syndrome. Honestly, as much as good Mothers are indispensable, no fully-functioning man should need his Mama do his laundry, feed him his favourite breakie or tuck him in a night (let him find himself a girl/boyfriend for that last one, hey?).
The Mama’s Boy Himself
Despite what was said above. I’m really in no position to criticise anyone’s parenting. It’s the one job in the world that I believe no-one can do perfectly. You can give your child everything – designer goods, organic foods, a private school education (and of course a lot of your precious time and money) but chances are they will still turn out a little bit wrong. Blaming the Mamas only really gets us so far in our investigations.
Parents can sometimes smother their child even when they mean well. There comes a time when it falls to the child assert their independence. I believe most kids do this in their early teenage years. Sadly though, it seems like some people missed the memo. These guys certainly lack a desire to be independent and take ownership for their lives if they choose to continue indulging Mummy Dearest in such a way.
I hate to break it to you boys but there really is no such thing as a free lunch, not even where Mummy is concerned. Sure, she takes care of your every need (well almost) but don’t expect her to keep quiet comes to the important decisions in your life. And the truth is, most women would have more respect for guy that lives in a little studio and drives around in old school mini cooper rather than date the guy that lives a life of luxury with his Mama in her Camps Bay mansion and has to ask to borrow the family BMW to impress his date.
Women’s Liberation Movements
I risk being killed by the raging feminists for this one. Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful for the suffragettes and people who put their lives on the line to afford us all the rights we have today and I’m certainly not advocating we go back in time. But I do think that as women have become increasingly independent and gained greater equality in terms of education and employment with their male counterparts, there have been certain negative effects on the men psyche.
We are all well aware now about the man-defecit caused by the number of well-educated women outnumbering men in many developed countries. Sure, that means that some of us have to take one for the team and date down. But one has to wonder, have these developments also given reason for men to become lazy, needy and reliant on their woman to be the breadwinner? How much have better rights for woman served to emasculate men to such an extent that they think it’s cool a woman to do EVERYTHING in a relationship. Cooking, cleaning, child care, bringing home the bacon and while we are in let her do some manual labour as well? We all know women can multi-task, after all!
The Women That Date Them aka The Mother Hen
Enough playing the blame game. It’s time for a bit of self-reflection, ladies. Much of the reason why these good for nothing creatures have been allowed to exist is thanks to the women who indulge their bad behaviour (and this time I’m not dissing his Mama!). If for some reason, like yours truly, keep attracting the Mama’s boy spend some time figuring out why these foolish fools see you are a prime target.
Deep down there is a Mother Hen in most chicks. Sure, the nurturer is obviously more evident in some of us than others. And you know what? The Mama’s boys can sense it a mile off. It’s not long before they’ll be giving you those puppy dog eyes and kindly request that you whip them up a batch chocolate chip cookies (just the way Mama does!), run around after them picking up their dirty socks and buy them the latest computer game (because you know Mama always rewards him for being a good boy!).
It would easy for me to sit here and say treat them mean to keep them keen but that truly is easier said than done. When we are into someone it’s natural to want to treat them well. In Why Men Love Bitches they advise you not to show a guy your super keen on him by cooking him a three-course gourmet dinner but instead they say act nonchalant by inviting him around for burnt popcorn. Yes, there are plenty of chicks out there could burn water but there are also some of us who genuinely enjoy baking up a storm in the kitchen and would find it near impossible to feed burnt popcorn to their worst enemy, never mind someone they had eyes for!
That said, while I don’t think it’s a crime to spoil a guy who deserves it on occasion, Us Mother Hens do need to learn a thing or two about how not to indulge a Mama’s Boy. There are certain things everyone (both guys and girls) need to do for themselves so don’t be an enabler. Learn to put him in his place and let him know when he is out of line. If he runs off crying to Mummy so be it. Get on with your life. Remember that as much as he may try to find a woman that is a younger version of his Mama it is highly unlikely anyone will ever come close. Chances are he’ll end up marrying the girl that burns the popcorn while good old Mother Hen is left to enjoy that gourmet three-course feast all on her lonesome.
OK Rinsers. Essay over. Now your turn. Keeping it simple. Who do you think is to blame for the existence of the Mama’s boy?