The Mother Hen – The Women at Fault for Indulging The Mama’s Boy

Mother Hen

I spend an awful lot of time complaining about the lack of alpha males left in the world and how tired I am of my constant encounters with Mama’s Boys. Look, I’m not hating on guys that love their mothers (in the conventional mother-son way – no incest here please!) and have healthy relationships with their family. Actually,  I think having solid, long-term relationships that stem from childhood are probably a good thing when it comes to forming functional relationships as an adult. However, dealing with men who are incapable of doing the simplest of tasks does become tiresome. Cooking a simple dinner, loading the laundry and driving oneself home from soccer practice shouldn’t be rocket science for anyone with half a brain. Right? Well not so for today’s Mama’s Boys.  In today’s post, I want delve deeper into this problem and ask who is to blame for the existence of this mutation of the male species?

Well, let’s start by looking at a few factors…

Blame The Mothers

Yes, let’s begin with the obvious. Mothers who’ve failed to cut the umbilical cord with their 30-something son have a lot to answer for. Of course, it’s natural for a Mum to want the best for her little boy but if she hasn’t told him to get off his lazy ass, get a job and most importantly move out of home by their early-mid 20s…well then she is doing her progeny no favours and better kiss goodbye to her prospects of becoming a grandmama!

As cheesy as it sounds, parents are supposed to give their kids wings so they can fly and these Mothers need to bite the bullet, set their little brats free and get over their selfish fears of empty nest syndrome. Honestly, as much as good Mothers are indispensable, no fully-functioning man should need his Mama do his laundry, feed him his favourite breakie or tuck him in a night (let him find himself a girl/boyfriend for that last one, hey?).

The Mama’s Boy Himself 

Despite what was said above. I’m really in no position to criticise anyone’s parenting. It’s the one job in the world that I believe no-one can do perfectly.  You can give your child everything – designer goods, organic foods, a private school education (and of course a lot of your precious time and money) but chances are they will still turn out a little bit wrong. Blaming the Mamas only really gets us so far in our investigations.

Parents can sometimes smother their child even when they mean well. There comes a time when it falls to the child assert their independence. I believe most kids do this in their early teenage years. Sadly though, it seems like some people missed the memo. These guys certainly lack a desire to be independent and take ownership for their lives if they choose to continue indulging Mummy Dearest in such a way.

I hate to break it to you boys but there really is no such thing as a free lunch, not even where Mummy is concerned. Sure, she takes care of your every need (well almost) but don’t expect her to keep quiet comes to the important decisions in your life. And the truth is, most women would have more respect for guy that lives in a little studio and drives around in old school mini cooper rather than date the guy that lives a life of luxury with his Mama in her Camps Bay mansion and has to ask to borrow the family BMW to impress his date.

Women’s Liberation Movements

I risk being killed by the raging feminists for this one. Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful for the suffragettes and people who put their lives on the line to afford us all the rights we have today and I’m certainly not advocating we go back in time. But I do think that as women have become increasingly independent and gained greater equality in terms of education and employment with their male counterparts, there have been certain negative effects on the men psyche.

We are all well aware now about the man-defecit caused by the number of well-educated women outnumbering men in many developed countries. Sure, that means that some of us have to take one for the team and date down. But one has to wonder, have these developments also given reason for men to become lazy, needy and reliant on their woman to be the breadwinner?  How much have better rights for woman served to emasculate men to such an extent that they think it’s cool a woman to do EVERYTHING in a relationship. Cooking, cleaning, child care, bringing home the bacon and while we are in let her do some manual labour as well? We all know women can multi-task, after all!

The Women That Date Them aka The Mother Hen

Enough playing the blame game. It’s time for a bit of self-reflection, ladies. Much of the reason why these good for nothing creatures have been allowed to exist is thanks to the women who indulge their bad behaviour (and this time I’m not dissing his Mama!). If for some reason, like yours truly,  keep attracting the Mama’s boy spend some time figuring out why these foolish fools see you are a prime target.

Deep down there is a Mother Hen in most chicks. Sure, the nurturer is obviously more evident in some of us than others. And you know what? The Mama’s boys can sense it a mile off. It’s not long before they’ll be giving you those puppy dog eyes and kindly request that you whip them up a batch chocolate chip cookies (just the way Mama does!), run around after them picking up their dirty socks and buy them the latest computer game (because you know Mama always rewards him for being a good boy!).

It would easy for me to sit here and say treat them mean to keep them keen but that truly is easier said than done. When we are into someone it’s natural to want to treat them well. In Why Men Love Bitches they advise you not to show a guy your super keen on him by cooking him a three-course gourmet dinner but instead they say act nonchalant by inviting him around for burnt popcorn. Yes, there are plenty of chicks out there could burn water but there are also some of us who genuinely enjoy baking up a storm in the kitchen and would find it near impossible to feed burnt popcorn to their worst enemy, never mind someone they had eyes for!

That said, while I don’t think it’s a crime to spoil a guy who deserves it on occasion, Us Mother Hens do need to learn a thing or two about how not to indulge a Mama’s Boy. There are certain things everyone (both guys and girls) need to do for themselves so don’t be an enabler. Learn to put him in his place and let him know when he is out of line. If he runs off crying to Mummy so be it. Get on with your life. Remember that as much as he may try to find a woman that is a younger  version of his Mama it is highly unlikely anyone will ever come close. Chances are he’ll end up marrying the girl that burns the popcorn while good old Mother Hen is left to enjoy that gourmet three-course feast all on her lonesome.

OK Rinsers. Essay over. Now your turn. Keeping it simple. Who do you think is to blame for the existence of the Mama’s boy?

Advertisements

15 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · April 6

    Interesting question who to blame ? I think ulimately

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bklynboy59 · April 6

    Lets try that again I think ultimately the answer to that question depends on the strength og the persons convictions meaning you can say you don’t want a mamas boy but you continue to date mams boys. What you send out is what you attract and by dating mamas boys you keep attracting more of the same. If you have expectations then men know up front. One factor that cannot be overlooked is the importance of lack of real role models of fathers at home. Many are around long enough to make them but fail to live up to their role as fathers which leaves mothers to be both Father and mother.

    Liked by 3 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 6

      Nice point. I guess the father (or lack of) also has a role to play as well. I didn’t think of that.

      I do however think that even if you attract/are attracted to a mama’s boy it doesn’t mean that you should indulge/tolerate that type of behaviour. I think it takes just one woman to break the cycle and show them that this sort of behaviour isn’t on.

      Like

      • bklynboy59 · April 6

        Expectations that what I meant by that …if they know up front you will indulge a mamas boy they won’t bother , but if you date them because you have nothing batter to do …well can’t complain about the results

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · April 6

        Also Fathers used to set the standards as far as grooming their sons to be own their own and raising a family. Living at home deep into your 20’s or 30 was not an option. I wasn’t raised that if things didn’t work I could come back home…was not an option. So again the lack of strong male role models has had a powerful affect on how men now see themselves see women and see the world and the sense of entitlement that comes with the twisted logic .

        Liked by 1 person

  3. EttaD · April 6

    Guilty as charged! I was married to a Mamas boy and took up the mantle of cooking, cleaning, taking care of his every whim. So who’s at fault? The Mama and the boy. The Mama because she feels the need to hold on to her boy til death, either hers or his. Any woman coming into their son’s life is look upon as competition and what do you do in a competition? You fight to win, which means making dinner even though you know he has dinner waiting at home. Calling during a storm because you’re afraid despite the fact that your husband is in the house with you. Calling to change a light bulb…….And the list goes on. For her my only purpose as a wife was to service her son and give her grandkids she could spoil rotten.

    The boy for not severing that umbilical cord himself. No being independent and growing enough balls to tell your Mama NO!!

    I don’t think it makes much of a difference whether a father is in the home or not. Most fathers won’t dream of crossing their wives by telling them to cut their sons lose for fear of disturbing the peace. After all, once that fire is lit he’s the one trapped in the burning building. You can have a strong father figure in the house and still have a Mama’s boy. You can also have instances where there is no father figure in the home and men are raised (Non-Mama’s Boys). So it’s really up to the man/boy and parenting, a single Mama can teach her son responsibility just as well as a father can.

    Bottom line, if you’re dating a Mama’s boy….. RUN! Nothing will change after the relationship gets serious or after marriage unless the ‘BOY’ wants to change. He has to be the one to realise that he has a brain of his own.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 25

      Well said ! Thanks for your great responses as always.

      I especially loved this point : The Mama because she feels the need to hold on to her boy til death, either hers or his.

      Hahaha !!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • EttaD · April 25

        It’s true. I can’t say that I wouldn’t want a close relationship with my son is if I had one. But some mothers take it to the extreme.

        Like

  4. kalliepygus · April 6

    Now in life, I wouldn’t put up with such behavior. A guy that can actually take care of himself is important.

    However, my ex of 6 years, although not a mamas boy (he only lived with his mom for a few years of his life, so he lived with his dad most his life), had some of the same crippling characteristics. He could hardly cook, clean, do his laundry. He was just plain lazy. I think he picked up all these bad habits from poor parenting from his father just not caring and letting him do whatever. I forced him to learn these things over time, and he even got pretty decent at cooking, but the laziness and lack of cleanliness still prevailed. I couldn’t mother hen him and clean up after him and look past his laziness, so it ultimately failed.

    Overall, mamas boys or boys that are just plain lazy aren’t worth it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 25

      Yup!! And if you are worth it he’d be willing to get off his lazy ass and make an effort!

      Like

      • kalliepygus · April 25

        Oh I’m definitely worth it and he regrets it very much that he didn’t get off his lazy ass. He’s told me that time and time again and he tried for a while after we broke up, but nothing has changed with him. I don’t know if it’s that it’s whether or not I’m worth it, it’s whether or not he was mature enough to put in the effort. It was too little too late. I think some people just take others for granted. I also let his laziness slide for too long because I was way too busy (between working multiple jobs and was in school full time) to see how much he slipped.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hopelessly Romantic Cinderella · April 25

    Hmmm. I don’t think we can really blame ourselves here. Guys that have strong relationships with their mothers tend to be comfortable around women and that makes it easy to turn on the charm. It’s so easy to get sucked in by them. I’ve done it multiple times.

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · April 25

      I guess you make a good point. Don’t worry I also get sucked in time and time again! Maybe there really is a mother hen in all of us.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s