“I’m such a nice guy but girls just don’t like guys like me”. How many times have you heard this sentence? Let me quote Tywin Lannister from the Games of Thrones: Any man who must say, “I am the king” is no true king. In other words, a self-proclaimed “nice guy” is just an entitled person who thinks he “deserves” every woman he chooses because he claims to be “decent”. It’s so fucked up I don’t even know where to start. I’ll try, however, with number 1 of the list of 5 bullshit beliefs of a “nice guy”
1. I’m a nice guy she SHOULD like me
Women shouldn’t do anything other than what they feel they want to do, including choosing a partner they like. There may be a million of reasons why one person doesn’t want to be with another person, even if the reason is that they prefer someone who treats them not in a nice way. A truly nice guy would respect a woman’s choice not to pursue a romantic relationship with him, even if it hurts him. Furthermore, if he really cares about the girl’s well-being he would actually be happy for her if she found someone who she truly clicks with. After all, not being you, doesn’t mean, being an asshole.
2. Girls are just after looks
Looks are important and so is attraction but we have a saying in Polish which roughly translates into “every monster will find his or her admirer”. If someone’s not attracted to you, they’re just not attracted to you. You making an issue out of it paradoxically makes you even less attractive. What is more, a lot of “nice guys” complain about women being into looks only while it’s actually often true for them. They want the good looking girls who take care of themselves but at the same time don’t think their beer belly and oily hair could be a problem. Life isn’t only about getting, gentlemen, but also about giving. Do you truly represent what you’re looking for in a partner?
3. I’ve always been there for her!
Ah yes! My favorite. You’re such a “nice” guy that you planned in cold blood that if you’re being helpful and supportive to a lady she will eventually want you for her life partner. Then when it doesn’t happen, you’re very upset. How exactly does that make you a nice guy and not a sociopath who does good deeds hoping to get something in return? That’s certainly not love. If you really feel someone is taking advantage of you and using you then it’s up to you to not let her. Being around doesn’t mean being into someone so don’t confuse being friendly with being interested. Just btw it’s usually rather clear if a girl likes you in the “let’s get married and have babies way”. If it’s not evident than most probably you’re trying to score in a competition you’re not even participating in.
4. But I’m REALLY nice
Cats are nice, dogs are nice, fluffy pillows are nice, most humans are nice too. You’d like a girl to date you because you’re like most things in the world? Being nice is non-negotiable. Now, what else do you have an offer? Can you support yourself and would be an equal partner financially? Do you take good care of your looks and health? Are you independent from your parents? Do you have a passion? Do you mostly enjoy your life and couldn’t be summarized as a negative person? Do you take responsibility for your life or are you entitled and blame everyone and their dog for your failures? And last but not least, do you even like yourself? Maybe there’s more to girls not choosing you than just them not liking “nice” guys. Just saying…
5. Girls NEVER choose me
Imagine there was a range of chocolate bars in a shop. Some of them have nice packaging but taste disgusting, others have nice packaging and taste great. We are all looking for the latter in our partner – he or she must both look good and “taste” good in our opinion. Now imagine this chocolate bar that is wrapped in toilet paper and tastes like poo. Would you like to eat it? Exactly. Maybe if ALL the girls reject you there’s something wrong with you and not with them. But, hey, the good news is that you can turn into a nice chocolate bar from the poopy one! You just need to stop blaming the world for your lack of success with women and take responsibility for who and how you are. Trust me, there will be plenty of women interested in the best version of you.
Dear Rinsers, have you encountered many passive aggressive “nice guys”? What do you think about their bullshit beliefs?