I think a lot of people need to hit their rock bottom before they can move on. For many it’s true for work, friendships and romantic relationships. It has certainly always been true for me.
My attitude towards a relationship that was clearly heading nowhere good was first denial and staying in the fantasy world where everything was fine. The less you see your partner and the more of your relationship happens in your own head and the easier it is to deny that the ship is sinking and you should get off the deck before it drags you with it. Eventually there was always something that would be just too much to ignore even with all my wishful thinking. The rock bottom was that time for instance when my still then boyfriend told me he’d like to sexually experience other people. Another time a different guy said that you that he was recontacted by his ex who was an important thing for him. You can’t really go around such things and keep dreaming about the happily ever after, can you? The signs of the relationship going nowhere good were there all along, though. It’s just that I always preferred not to notice them till something was so much in my face that I had to see the reality of the situation.
Hitting your rock bottom isn’t an entirely bad thing, even though at the time it may look like the end of the world. Once you’re there there’s only one way to go really, namely, up. However, the problem is that there is no need to actually go all the way down there. Sometimes I think there’s something particularly wrong with the upbringing of young women that teaches you that you should sacrifice yourself in the name of love and that glorifies such martyrdom. Nevertheless, there’s no brownie points in life for having suffered. Sure, there are some positive realizations that may come from emotional pain but life doesn’t spare us chances to experience it anyway. There’s no reason for us to self-inflict suffering on ourselves. Many women claim that they would just like to know that they’ve done everything in their power to save a relationship and I encourage them to ask themselves only one question: has he done the same?
Those who need to hit their rock bottom to move on are still in a better situation than those who just stay there once they reached the lowest of the lows. Instead of saying to themselves that it was enough and it’s time to look for happiness in some other places, they stay where they are and agonize over the events going through them over and over again. They don’t do it for the sake of much needed self-reflection to figure out what went wrong but rather to seek validation. They did nothing wrong after all and it was the other person that did not appreciate them! How dare HE to move on? It’s not fair! They fail to see that even if he’s truly the only one to blame for the unsuccessful relationship (which is btw unlikely) they’re the one who stayed with him and therefore are partially to blame in this respect. Holding on to negative feelings is counterproductive, especially when people take it to another level and they never get over such events becoming sad spinsters or bachelors. We all had our bad experiences, the difference between those who eventually find what they’ve been looking for and those who don’t is what they do with the experiences.
Last but not least we have those who seem to move on in the blink of an eye. They get dumped and then you see them two weeks later coupled up with someone else, often a person uncannily similar to their previous partner. The ivy women and related beings are not doing themselves any favors by jumping from one relationship to another, but maybe there is some lesson to learn in their behaviors for those who need not to be able to “do it anymore” in order to go somewhere else or those who never ever move on and become the worst enemies of themselves.
To sum up, even though many of us need to go to their darkest place before they finish a relationship (or anything else), it doesn’t serve us to do it. Working on relationships and ourselves is the safest way to happily ever after, but if something is completely different from what we would like it to be, there’s no shame in giving up. Be it a job or a relationship don’t wait for it to suck up all of your good energy before you decide it’s time to go.