I’m the kinda girl that asks the universe for a sign to delete her Tinder profile. When that sign never arrives this hopeless romantic then just deletes it regardless (well, it’s not like you’d be missing much during a bit of hiatus anyhow). Sure, the universe has a pretty good game when it comes to subtlety. But then there are some signs that are so glaringly obvious that they slap you in the face so hard even someone with an amazingly well-developed pain threshold (from all those marathons I used to run) can’t even ignore it. This book was THAT kind of sign!
Oddly enough, there I was attending a friend’s braai with the man of the moment in tow (who as it turns out was just not that into me) when this piece of higher grade literature popped out at me from what looked like a book sale my friend was running at his braai (a book sale at a braai?! Go figure. I told you it was a sign!). And if that wasn’t enough another drunkard friend then started shouting her mouth off about how this book was made for me and it’s destiny (cheers guys – just in case the message wasn’t received loud and clear already!). Anyway, like much of the book itself, this revelation was a pretty painful pill to swallow.
So back to the book. To give you a bit of background He’s Just Not That Into You is the brainchild of two writers who once worked together on the script/storyline for Sex and The City. As the chick who considers herself to be Cape Town’s answer to Carrie Bradshaw, it’s sacrilege that it took me this long to get my hands on a copy of this bestseller (and that I haven’t seen the movie version either). Greg Behrendt, the main author, was inspired to write this book after seeing so many of his beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, established female friends and family members continuously getting involved in relationships (and other such encounters) with men that were quite frankly a little bit half-hearted about it all. He was fed up of seeing women wasting time dating down, settling for less than they were worthy of and pursuing men that for whatever reason weren’t fully committed to them.
In his responses to letters from his readers, he pretty much covers every scenario us chicks have found ourselves in when it comes to dating and relationships. Whether it’s the guy that only texts you when he is drunk (booty call much?), the guy that wants to keep things light and fluffy, the one that never introduces you to his family, the dude that doesn’t want to get you into bed and rip your clothes off or the fool who torments you with a half-decade long prison sentence but won’t put a ring on it. Well, Greg has the fool-proof answer for you every time…yes, you guessed it – He’s Just Not That Into You!
As painful as it is to relate to the scenarios he describes, it’s good to get a straight up insight into the male mind. What’s even better is that he has taken the time (and obviously worked with enough to women) to pre-empt all of the lame excuses us ladies make to justify these unsatisfactory relationships we settle for. From being well aware of the stats not being in our favour to telling ourselves to exercise a little patience while the 40 something takes his sweet time to find his direction, it seems like Greg has heard it all and is not willing to stand for it.
The book is great on many levels – it’s an easy read that is full of witty banter and I have no doubt that most of us will have many light-bulb moments while reading it. But what I liked most about it was how co-author Liz Tuccillo manages to temper Greg’s well-meaning but sometimes unrealistic advice by drawing from her real-life dating experience and offering us a female perspective on things (she also stops us from being to harsh on ourselves by reminding us that we aren’t the first woman ever to lose every ounce of intelligence we’d ever accumulated over a man!).
While I’m a bit of an old-fashioned girl there were some points where I did eek a bit at the thought of what the hardcore ‘Feminazis’ would have to say about some of the advice given here. For instance, apparently if we want to know whether a guy is truly into us then we shouldn’t be the ones asking them out, ladies! Hmm…seems that probably goes against much of the modern day way of doing things but whatever if it means avoiding rejection then I’m on #teamgreg! In some ways, He’s Just Not That Into You was a book that leaves you wanting more…more insight into why the hell these men do what they do. But this type of overthinking has probably what accounts for most of my troubles so let me just stop there…
So although I certainly appreciated the book I’m not going to jump the gun and sing its praises already. I’ve learnt from experience (remember when I thought that by reading Why Men Love Bitches I had found the answer to all my dating woes) to be a bit apprehensive about self-help books. While they are great in theory, the truth is you’ll only ever really know whether the message got through your thick skull when you next meet a guy with piercing blue eyes, the million-dollar smile and the best banter who gives you butterflies (and inevitably makes you forget all the best self-help tips you tried to commit to memory!). Believe me, it’s easy to succeed at playing hard to get, standing your own ground and not compromising on your deal breakers when a guy is nothing more than mediocre but it’s only when you meet someone who really gets under your skin is that you truly get put these things to the test.
Your turn Rinsers – Have you read the book? Or watched the film (someone stole it from the DVD store so I couldn’t watch it – boohoo!)? What did you think? Could you resonate or did you think taking the advice in the book too seriously would just leave us girls eternally single? Shout your mouths off in the comments below!