The ‘Revenge’ Body – Making The Ex Regret Losing You

khloe

My dear friend #zlotybaby will tell you that my (not so secret) favourite observation is to see someone (a friend, enemy, frenemy, ex boyfriend, etc – actually pretty much anyone) I know get FAT. I know it’s wrong (feel free to hate on me in the comments section) but I think it’s probably something to do with my own issues that stem from having been a super fat kid. But honestly, I doubt I am the only one that thinks this way. The truth is we live in a highly superficial world where wit and charm will only get you so far, never more so than when it comes to dating. It really does help to be attractive especially when it comes to grabbing the attention of the opposite sex. This leads me to today’s the topic – The Revenge Body.

The Revenge Body is the concept of people focusing on losing weight/changing their looks with the objective of getting ‘revenge’ on the person that hurt them. In most cases that people is an ex and the transformation happens after the break up and is intended to grab the attention of said ex, and make him/her realise exactly what the lost. This idea has recently become quite the hot topic thanks to Khloe Kardashian’s new reality series which was inspired by her own transformation after the breakdown of her relationship to Lamar Odom.

From what I can tell the clips you can find on YouTube the transformations people go through as part of the show certainly seem to make them happy/more confident (although that could just be good editing!). However, one does have to question how long-term these changes are? Or if we look back in a couple of years these people would have just gone back to being their old selves fat, brokenhearted and with zero self esteem.

The period following a break up is certainly difficult and I most definitely believe that finding yourself a positive distraction from the pain of the heartbreak is a good thing. It could be learning to play the guitar, taking a trip round the world (well one can always strive to be Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love) or training for a marathon. All of the things listed above are better than negative alternatives that could so easily indulged in after being ceremoniously dumped including but not limited to the following : drinking gin like it’s going out of fashion, sleeping for 20 hours a day with the hope of never waking up or shagging up a storm with anyone/everyone that’ll have you.

However, even worse than these waste-of-time negative activities is doing ANYTHING with the intention of winning someone back or making them think twice about what they lost. The truth if you were in any sort of meaningful relationship that ex probably loved you for more than just your body (you’d hope!). And even if I’m romanticising things here – do you really want to be with someone who only sees your worth when you become a hotter version of your current self?

Speaking from experience, having probably been on a one diet or another since I was about 10 years old, for some of us keeping your weight in check is something that requires lots of hard work and dedication. It’s not something that is going to happen over night and believe me as soon as you start to get comfortable and take your eye of the ball…BOOM all that effort will be lost and  you will be a SUPER FATTY again. For this reason I think anyone hoping to make any kind of transformation needs to have the right mindset and be doing it for the right reasons. And sure sometimes the weight loss/gain post-break up (yup I’ve had it go both ways) happens without you having to make much effort but people investing in expensive gym memberships, personal trainers, nutritionists and even plastic surgeons – well, that is another story altogether.

Shallow motivations such as getting yourself a hot body as a form of ‘revenge’ isn’t a long term plan. What happens after you achieved your end goal? If your plan works – the douche sees you as a Skinny Minnie and is instantly remorseful, gets down on one knee and pops the question? Do you really think it’ll end in happily ever after? And what if all your hard work doesn’t give you the result you wanted? What if he doesn’t even notice? Or even tells you how great you look but then carries on with his new chick? It seems to me like whether or not your ex sees you differently it’s pretty much going to to be a happy NEVER after situation.

To conclude, I am not by any means telling people not to lose weight, get fit and look fabulous. Finding ways to feel good about yourself is often just what we need after having our hearts smashed to smithereens. But whatever you do to make yourself feel better it needs to be done for the right reasons and certainly not to get ‘revenge’ on someone who hurt you. I’ll leave you with some advice given to me by an old (slightly pervy) Irish guy during one of my post-break up periods : ‘Do what makes YOU happy and gives YOU fulfillment in YOUR life. And hopefully then you’ll attract the right person’.

Alrighty Rinsers. Your thoughts on the concept of The Revenge Body? Is it promoting a healthy lifestyle or a step back for body positivity?  Have you ever actively tried to improve yourself after a break up? And how much did your decision to do so have 

 

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18 comments

  1. charleybflint · January 19

    Nice post. I haven’t seen the show. But a few years ago after my engagement fell apart I decided to go a major health kick. It wasn’t really as a plan to get revenge on her but I am not going to lie when she saw me looking healthy, happy and with someone else she looked regretful. As you say you should do positive things that are good for your soul after a break up rather than doing things to attract new people or make old ones regretful. The only reason my healthy lifestyle has lasted as long as it has is because I did it for myself not for my ex fiancee.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · January 23

      Of course all of us secretly want our exes to realise just how amazing we are and what they threw away. That is just human 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bklynboy59 · January 19

    I am not sure what your point was you kind of went both ways, but a couple of things you did say made sense.
    What happens after you achieved your end goal? If your plan works – the douche sees you as a Skinny Minnie and is instantly remorseful, gets down on one knee and pops the question? Do you really think it’ll end in happily ever after? And what if all your hard work doesn’t give you the result you wanted? What if he doesn’t even notice? Or even tells you how great you look but then carries on with his new chick?…Good questions. Instead of working on the outside work on the person on the inside to attract the quality person you are worthy of.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · January 19

      Basically the point was post-break up time is a good opportunity for a bit of self-reflection and investing in yourself. If that means going to the gym and losing weight that is great. However, it is all about you motivation – if you want to look good because it’ll make you feel better thats one thing but doing it get an ex back is futile.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bexoxo · January 19

    I see where you’re coming from: people should want to change for themselves, not for someone else, especially an ex. But the way I see it: getting health is getting healthy. If someone uses revenge on an ex as their motivation for a happier/healthier lifestyle, then I don’t really see it as a bad thing. Now if they are doing it in the hopes of getting back with said es, then that’s a whole different story and they should really reexamine their self.

    When me and my ex broke up, he specifically pointed out that I gained weight since we started dating (8 years prior), but that he stayed with me despite the fact. If anyone were to want to get revenge on an ex by losing weight, I feel like I would be a prime candidate, but what would that prove? That I can in fact lose weight when I want to? That I am capable of changing my appearance? Would it possibly make him realize what he lost? Sure, but that would be a temporary feeling then we’d both go back to our own lives separately.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · January 20

      Yep I see your point. Of course getting healthy is great no matter what the motivation but if the motivation is superficial what are the chances of a person maintaining the weight loss once revenge is achieved?

      Liked by 1 person

      • bexoxo · January 20

        Well, like anything else, working out can become addictive. If someone is used to working out on regular basis, sometimes it’s hard for them to stop; they start feeling weak, sluggish, wired, so they continue. The way I look at it is someone who exercises regularly is more apt to keep at it as opposed to someone who sits on the couch all the time. Nothing is necessarily going make them continue once they have gotten revenge, but a body in motion…

        All I’m saying is there is a greater chance of them continuing their fitness journey if they at least start one and become committed, whatever the initial factor may be.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · January 23

        Yup I see what you are saying. If a break-up/revenge on an ex is the motivation is a catalyst for a positive change it is no doubt a good thing. I guess you can look at it as a blessing in disguise. I am not criticizing the idea of self-improvement per se but I don’t think the Kardashians should be promoting something so superficial – there are other ways to improve ones self as well. But yes, compared to an alternatives that include drinking oneself stupid, turning to drugs, anti-depressants, etc – the gym is not at all bad.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. vagueface · January 19

    “Revenge is a dish best served with cyanide.” -Anon

    Lovely article, thanks. You might need to adjust the “revenge body” concept for the plain-arsed fact that many men (especially at the but end of Africa) like ’em large. Presumably the (South) African vengeance programme involves ice-cream overload and sustained sessions of sofa yoga. Which takes the edge of breakup, methinks.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · January 20

      Haha ! LOVE this comment !!!

      Yep, the idea of what is beautiful certainly differs from one country/community to the next. I’m a fan of eat as much ice cream as possible post break up. 😛 Keep reading and following out blog.

      Like

      • vagueface · January 22

        There’s a flipside to Revenge body. By transforming into a “better” version of yourself, you attempt to shame the (by implicaiton) inferior you that dated the ex. This fox-and-grapes move allows the breakupee to freshly evaluate her ex as a poor partner, favoured by the older, flabbier and dumber version of herself, but not fitting for the better one. So it’s not so much about getting him back as getting rid of the old me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · January 23

        Totally agree with you. From my experience, if you do end up a ‘better’ version of yourself it is a good thing. Sometimes it happens though without you seeking ‘revenge’. My worry though is whether revenge is the right motive if you want to see a sustainable/meaningful change.

        Like

  5. EttaD · January 19

    Was looking for the article online here. But years ago I read in the National Enquirer that a man left his wife because she had become obsessed with how she looked and lost too much weight.

    Great blog as usually, very different from the norm but still relationship based.

    I’ve never seen the show, have seen the ads running here. Much to my objection, my daughters do follow the Kardashians. Is there such a thing as a revenge body? You should want to look great, be healthy and fit in or out of a relationship. I agree that transformation comes from the inside, what’s the point in having a revenge body if you suffer from low self-esteem or no self-love! I’ve read that many celebrities have self-esteem issues, perfect body, wealth and all! I’ve always say I wish I was as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat. I’ve always been a skinny child the weight gained came in my early twenties have been struggling with weight since then and still do. Somewhere in between, I took action by loving myself more by getting healthy and dropping the pounds. After two c-sections the weight came back. After divorcing I took control again but not out of revenge rather out of more love for myself and love for my kids, my thinking was- if I were unhealthy and something happens to me who will look after my children.

    My thing is you should love yourself enough to want to make changes in your life for yo! Not for revenge because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you’re a bit on the chubby side love yourself, then find someone who will love you the way you are. If you can’t do that, they don’t deserve you! If your ex finds you attractive at a size 4 instead of a 14 then he or she was the wrong person for you.

    P/S I still cringe at the sight of my love handles. But I’m healthy and working on dropping a few pounds 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · January 20

      Yeah. I don’t think the Revenge Body is concept that the Kardashians should be peddling especially in a world which is already so superficial. I think looking good is important in that it makes a person feel better about themselves. But I really have my doubts as to the how effective a revenge body can actually be. At the end of the day if you looking for something more real it would never just be about the body.

      Liked by 1 person

      • EttaD · January 20

        I agree on all counts. I’m sure she has good intentions, just doing it the wrong way. If people are losing weight for the wrong reasons they’re more likely to put the weight back on. If truly trying to help someone, help them to change their attitudes and mindset for the better. What she’s doing reminds me of the old adage, “give a man a fish feed him for a day, teach him how to fish change him for life.”

        Teach them how to become better persons by loving themselves in to better health and the weight will come off and stay off.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · January 20

        Well said. Plus for some people there needs to come a point (like it did for me) where you accept you will always be a little bit chubby but you try to stay healthy regardless. Not all of us are cut out to be super models and that’s OK.

        Liked by 1 person

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