Dating is a complex game. One I haven’t figured out a strategy for success in. I guess each of us just needs to stumble through it a bit and figure out what works for us. Even after almost 2 years in the game I still can’t tell anyone what they need to do find their perfect match. Some meet their future hubby on a drunken night out on Long Street, others while working up a sweat at the gym and then, nowadays more than ever before, there are those that meet online. But as far as I am concerned, the common denominator in all of the above mentioned scenarios is that the people involved put in the effort. Whether that effort meant getting dressed up and looking your best for a night out or spending an hour each day swiping…it’s still effort! There are, however, some people that believe finding love (whether of the temporary and forever variety) is down to luck. This brings to the topic of today’s post – is one’s success (or lack thereof) in dating and relationships written in the stars or does is require a bit of hard work on our parts as well?
As with all of the good things in life, love (or whatever it is you are looking for in terms of a relationship) doesn’t come easy. Rewind back to your school days – remember those kids that were just good at things and always got the best grades with a minimal effort? Well those kids kinda exist in the grown up world of dating as well. There are just some people out there that seem to be better at attracting the right people. Maybe it’s their good looks or natural charm – who knows? Or just that they happened to be walking down that dark alley at the precise moment that a dashing young Prince was as well? Sure, there is always a small element of ‘luck’ involved. But remember, human relationships are complex. Just because someone is fortunate in terms of coming into contact with Mr Right, that doesn’t mean that they necessarily have what it takes to keep him interested. That part be the bit that requires a little more effort.
I believe that no matter how pretty, clever or well-rounded a person is, finding and maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort somewhere down the line. There are those for whom the hard work begins from the get go when it comes to finding potential suitors and there are other cases where you find yourself in the arms of a somewhat perfect man but also wondering what is needed to take it from just that to something with a semblance of a relationship.
For some, like yours truly, it might require having to question one’s faith in humanity after +/- 50 dates with the ‘men’ on Tinder. The effort could perhaps involve something as superficial as a fashion makeover or going on a diet to shed a few pounds and get that much-needed confidence boost. It may involve getting over yourself and coming to terms with that fact that none of us is above internet dating and finally joining Tinder. But to be honest, this is only the beginning of the hard work.
Once you’ve found someone who is worthy of your time and also considers you to be worthy ot theirs (yup, sadly it needs to work both ways) then you enter the minefield of relationship problems. From minor disagreements about mudane day-to-day matters to more serious relationship hurdles such as dealing with friends/family that aren’t bug fans of your significant other or one party dealing with some sort of financial difficulty or medical condition. Basically whenever you think you’ve done all the hard craft this cruel world has a way of throwing you the next challenge.
The key here, as in all other aspects of life, is perseverance. Just keep swimming (or swiping). However many rejections you have to deal with and no matter how many douchebags you need to date don’t lose sight of the end goal. Of course, it’s OK to take a break from the mission, gather your thoughts and maybe work on yourself a bit and then get yourself back on track. Like the losers at high school, who always felt hard done by in life I promise you that those lazy AF chicks who sit on the couch every night, eating ice cream in their PJs and wondering why they are so ‘unlucky’ in love and resigning themselves to a life of SAD SAD Spinsterhood …well I don’t think they’ll even get close to kissing the frogs (let’s throw them a dildo and be done with it!). BUT those of us who just keep Tindering on, no matter how many weirdos the world throws at us, well I really do have faith that those that put in the required effort will get what they want … and even if they won’t they’ll have a few good stories to tell at a dinner party!
Your turn now darling Rinsers. How much is finding love in this world down to luck? And how much is down to putting in the effort and never giving up on the end goal? Which element has been more important in your story? Answers in the comment section below.