We’ve all heard of those stories where girl meets boy, invests her time/skills/money and childbearing years into this boy helping him to become a better version of himself only to have the new and improved model snatched away by another woman. Ladies, especially, tend to have this Mother Hen instinct which drives us towards problem men. It is as if we ignore the persons flaws and pride ourselves of seeing potential in them that nobody else does (this may suggest that we are somewhat delusional perhaps). So, in today’s post I’ll be asking whether taking on these pet projects is necessarily a good thing or whether our inability to accept someone warts and all is something which will eventually come back to slap us in the face? Could our desire to remove a persons flaws just lead to the creation of a monster who’ll most likely end up breaking our fragile little heart?
Nobody is perfect. Sure, when we first fall a person and are just that little bit smitten our vision tends to be somewhat clouded and one can be prone to missing certain glaring red flags or minimising their importance. However, as time goes on and we spend more time getting to know certain little (or bigger) things may start to annoy us. The problem is at this stage we are likely to be a bit too invested into this little affair to simply walk away. In some cases, we tell ourselves that the issue isn’t something that can’t be sorted our with a little bit of effort on our part.
Naturally, the things that annoy us about a person can differ. Maybe your man is perfect in every way except his awful hipster beard he is trying to grow to make him look like a BIG MAN. In such a case, instigating change is easy. Simply, tell him that his questionable facial hair situation is aggravating your skin every time you kiss him and BOOM he’ll be clean shaven in no time. Or maybe its just that you are a bit of a fashionista but despite having the potential to be quite the stud your beau insists on wearing in board shorts on every occasion? Embrace your inner personal shopper, take him to the Waterfront, give him a few compliments and soon you’ll have yourself a Ralph Lauren model 😉 And it’s not just the guys that may need a transformation. What happens when the sport obsessed guy who runs a marathon every weekend falls for the good value chubby chick? Well it starts with her waddling her way through a 5k Park Run and next thing you know the pounds are just dropping off and she is running marathons!
But if only life were that simple. Instigating change may be straightforward but you won’t necessarily get the end result you bargained for. That makeover you gave that dowdy guy might just have been what he needed to get the attention of ALL the other ladies. Next thing you know he is dumping your sorry ass and upgrading to a better model. The chubby chick you trained for the marathon – well maybe her newfound skills will see her leaving you in the dust.
The moral of the story here kids… We have to accept that nobody is perfect and we really need be willing to accept them as they are. Everyone has their imperfections and to the right person those flaws will be endearing. Of course, there is a fine line and a good partner should also challenge you and push you to be the best version of yourself but only by encouraging you to make the changes that you want rather than those that are beneficial to them. Remember that changing person might not always work in your favour so go in with the best intentions, support them in their endeavors but just be aware that change can also be a negative thing.
Now it’s your Rinsers. Have you ever tried to change a partner? Or has a lover tried to change things about you? How did it work out? Were the intended outcomes achieved? Or does trying to change your partner have the potential to destroy the relationship? Tell us your thoughts in the comments section below.