Stop Tinder Hating! – Why It’s Time To Accept The Realities of Modern Dating

tinder

 

I am probably as hopelessly romantic as they come. I was recently told that I fell through the ceiling but my head got stuck somewhere in the clouds and I know I’ve ‘wasted’far too much of my life obsessing over Cinderella stories (and Bridget Jones) but even my fragile mind is slowly coming to terms with the fact that real life ‘love’ stories aren’t what the fairytales promised us.

As sad as it is most people’s stories these days don’t begin with a dashing Prince rescuing the chick from the clutches of or fire-breathing dragon or a clumsy chubby girl tumbling down a flight of stairs straight into the arms of a rugby player (although there maybe an element of truth to that last one!). The truth is  even the chances of being asked out by that geeky hipster in your local coffee joint is pretty unlikely. The fact is we live in a world where organic dating is fast becoming a thing of the past and one in five relationships actually start online.

So why then is there still so much stigma attached to admitting you met your Significant Other online? I’m sure we’ve all had occasions where your buddy is introducing his new girlfriend and you casually ask how they first met. Well, most of the time there will be an awkward silence while the two parties conjure up some story and hope the details correlate, then they’ll usually battle to sync their epic tales, speaking over one another like a pair of bumbling buffoons. You just stand their rolling your eyes and whisper ‘TINDER’ to the friend standing next to you. With online dating being so common these days one has to wonder why people go to such great lengths to conceal the truth?

I get it. And I know I’ve said this before nobody really ever wants to entertain the thought their story could begin ‘Once upon a time I swiped right’. It’s not terribly romantic now is it? But I think we need to understand thw epic tales that our grandparents told us, about how their love survived wars and how the thoughts of their one true love waiting at home got them through those horrid days in the trenches, are from another age all together. Furthermore if we did a bit of digging we’d probably learn that every romantic masterpiece has some sordid little subplot (come on we all that there is truth to that thing about the sailors having a girl in every port!).

It may seem like the devilish modern technological advances have changed the nature of dating for the worse; taking the romance out of things altogether and cheapening everything to some degree. But these tools that we now have at our disposal and that we are so quick to dismiss the value do have their advantages. Not only have websites and apps broadened the scope of the dating pool – people are no longer restricted to dating people in their own village, city, country, etc. The world really is your oyster when it comes to who you could potentially date these dates.

The speed at which we are able to communicate and set up a date means that we can now meet more people. As tedious as this can become, the more dates (both good and bad)  we go on the more we learn about a) what do/don’t want in a partner and b) what we can do to improve ourselves. I can certainly say that my +/- 50 Tinder dates have taught me a lot, served to increase my self confidence and given me greater insight into the inner workings of the male mind. And it’s not like we can deny how much things like Skype (and Skype Sex) have probably the likelihood of long distance relationships working?

So what am I getting at here? Well, firstly  we need to  put historic ideas of romance into perspective and remember that there is probably a lot that people filtered out. Next, lets accept that times have changed. No one is above Tinder and most people these days have dabbled in online dating at some stage. Almost everyone and his dog  (yes literally! I am slightly embarrassed to admit I am guilty of swiping right on a guy because I thought his puppy was adorable) has/has had an online dating profile of some sort. Tinder, Grindr, OKCupid, etc are all part of reality when it comes to modern dating. So if you met you Significant Other thanks to a swipe (or if you are an uber cool kid – a SUPER like), you really aren’t alone in this, so OWN your story.  Meeting  your Prince Charming online is really no worse than hooking up at club, being introduced by friends or having him save you from gang lord so stop being embarrassed. And finally, just believe that in 30 years time Tinder will likely be replaced by something far more sordid (if at all possible) and our grandchildren will probably think of swiping as something rather romantic.

Your turn Rinsers – Are you an advocate of online dating? Did you meet your SO online and if so do you cringe when you tell the truth or do you own it? Or are you one of those truly old fashioned romantics that is still searching for their  soulmate in the library?  Answers, opinions and stories in the comments section below. 

 

Advertisements

26 comments

  1. geminilvr · December 9

    I met some great guys online – I have no problem with it in general. I just dislike how easy it is to find someone else as soon as things go wrong – but although that may be more of a problem with the person than the dating apps it is also a product of so much availability at the swipe of a finger too.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · December 9

      Yep. I think its more about the person. Some people just find it easy to jump from partner to the next without taking a breather – that happens organically sometimes but yes online dating makes it even easier to replace a person if that’s what you want. But those of us who are looking for something more real could struggle.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bexoxo · December 9

    I’ve never online dated nor do I wish to in the future (my boyfriend wouldn’t approve anyways), but I’ve been in 2 long term committed relationships for most of my life; 1st one, I met in high school, 2nd one, I met at work. My best friend in college thought that app/online dating was the best way to not only met potential love/hookups, but friends as well. I never trusted any of the guys she introduced me to that she met through some site/app. But that’s not to say I would judge or look down on any couple who met via online/app. I’m happy for anyone who has found love, no matter how.

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · December 12

      Don’t worry! You haven’t MISSED anything. Organic dating seems far more straightforward BUT I do feel online dating has reduced the likelihood of anyone asking you out in person. I mean the fear of rejection must be less if you are hiding behind a computer screen.
      .
      I get what you are saying about finding it hard to trust someone you met online. You don’t have the security of knowing who their friends, colleagues , etc are like you would if you had met the person offline.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Joel F · December 10

    Oh, the magic of tinder…it’s pink, purple and sometimes black magic. Thank you for sharing your beautiful writings. I learned a lot of beautiful and sad stories caused by online dating but i never hated tinder. I guess life is a mixture of happy and sad experiences. And yes, that saying “Everyone is doing it but nobody talks about it” truly applies to online dating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · December 12

      Thanks for your sweet comment!

      I hope you’ll keep following our blog 🙂

      Like

  4. perkmeupnwa · December 10

    I think meeting online now is way more common than when I met my husband almost 16 years ago. The internet still had training wheels and AOL with dial up noises ( think of the movie “you’ve got mail”. My mother was mortified I’d be killed by a stranger I met online. Now at almost 80 that’s how she meets men. I agree it opens up a whole world of possibilities. We find that when we tell people we met online they have lots of questions. We are always excited to share our story

    Liked by 1 person

  5. EnglishRosiee · December 12

    Oh dear god I remember AOL dial up !!!!

    I love that your 80 year Mum is into online dating !!! It’s great that people are starting to embrace it all. I think SA is just a bit behind the times.

    Keep following our blog for more posts 😀

    Like

  6. bklynboy59 · December 13

    You know my story by now Yes I met my wife on line and I am not embarrassed by it. We both work and were not club people so on line worked for us because we would not have met with out it. The funny thing is we lived an exit apart when we met and never ran into each other in town either so on line was the vehicle that brought us together. On line dating gets a bad rap because of the people that misuse it or that use it to be secretive. But like with anything else it is about how you use the technology. Look I am from the old school of you handed a girl(or in yourcase a guy) and hand written note …do you like me circle yes or no…ok? So all of this is totally different but it is quite an experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · December 14

      Aww that’s sweet !! I always say I belong in the 1950s – things were better back then really. Now its just blah.

      But as you say unless if you are not a club person (or like me outgrown the club) its hard to meet new people unless its online.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. bklynboy59 · December 14

    In some ways things move alot faster than when I was younger because you can get to know someone much faster now than before. For example in my time if I liked a girl it took a while to find out if she liked me then it took awhile to get her name and phone number…no cell phones back then so you had to call her house and deal with who ever answered the phone mother brother sister father or in those rare cases a grandparent. If they were nice they let you talk to the girl. If not you might have to either wait to see her in school or church or where ever you met at. Conversations took time skill and work. By the time you were dating you would have invested 2 to 3 months in…where as now…you can do everything in a single night lol

    Like

  8. EttaD · December 15

    I met guys online, not from a dating site but through MSN and Yahoo chat, in fact, thought they wanted to take the relationships further after meeting them in person it was a no-go on the relationship run. I’m still friends with two of them. The thing with online dating is, you could fall madly in love with the persona of that person, meet them then find out you don’t like the way they chew their carrots, pick their teeth(nasty, I know!) or the way they slurp their soup. The traditional way of dating, you find out all these faults at first glance, before any ignition of feelings.

    Times has changed, I understand that…. Life got a whole lot busier, people work longer hours, picking has gotten slimmer so the online scene is more convenient, not sure what that says about society, though. We’ve become one of speed dating, ordering mates from an online menu, blended families and artificial insemination. I’m constantly trying to envision the future and it doesn’t look too bright. I could see men and women actually trying to match themselves up with matches who are compatible with their zodiac signs, blood types, social status, body types etc. Oh, wait! They’re doing that now!!

    But people tend to shy away from admitting they found their partner online because it seems desperate or that they’re not of good stock so you have to order a man or woman from the mystery menu of Tinder or some other dating site.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, thank God I’ve someone because though it is convenient, I’m not sure I would’ve had the patience for the whole shopping online for a mate. I could clearly see myself dying a virgin spinster IF I to go that route 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. themadgoat · January 23

    Online dating is a double edge sword. It is a lot easier to weed out people people you won’t be compatable with, but that hinges on if they are lying on their profile, which happens often. I dated a girl for 8 years that I met on Myspace. Good or bad are kind of irrelevant though. Online dating is the hew norm, for better or worse.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. PortOfCall · February 14

    I’ve just started a whole blog about my dating which is primarily through Tinder. I do think that the sheer amount of choice makes someone willing to make an effort harder to find. It’s easier to be disposable. But I keep going! I’m starting to cling on to the bad dates as a source of comedy though! https://thedatinglist.wordpress.com -I too am on around 50 tinder dates with mixed results!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · February 15

      Hey !

      Thanks for commenting. I look forward to checking out your blog and sharing horror stories with you.

      xx

      Like

  11. aloneintokyoblog · February 19

    I don’t know, I feel like sometimes Tinder made me more realistic about my choices, but at the same time made me more hesitant in pursuing a relationship with a guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Tatiana Castillero · February 24

    Hahaha “once upon a time I swiped right” great. I love Tinder and Bumble. Great apps for busy people like me who don’t have a job that lets me meet new men. Feel free to check out my dating chronicles site 🙂

    Like

  13. astoldbymua · April 8

    I met my current boyfriend of a year on Tinder. I definitely believe online dating can be beneficial. I just think people should understand that you will run into a few bad eggs before you get to a good one. So try to go in with an open mind! Love the post.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. bone&silver · May 13

    I’m 50 and have been dating online for 7 years (mostly OKCupid). I love it! I have found friends, sex, and also even love. I’ve been blogging about my latest [serious] romance at my blog bone&silver, and include my dating tips too (I consider myself a Queen of Online Dating!). Here’s the specific link if anyone here is interested : )
    https://boneandsilver.com/2017/02/20/cardinal-rule-broken/
    I’ve never tried Tinder, but am so looking forward to reading and commenting on your posts, as I have no shame about adopting this ‘new’ dating method. Cheers, gabrielle in Australia

    Liked by 1 person

  15. jennysdatingadvice · June 10

    I loved this article. Im actually working on a book about my tinder experiment. My goal is to have sex with 1,000 men I meet on tinder. So far I’m just at 73, so I have a lot of swiping to do to hit my goal. But I only have sex with men staying at hotels. This allows me to tell my friends the hotel and room number so I’m safe, or if I’m murdered then the guy will be caught.

    Also, I don’t want to sleep with 1,000 men who live in my city…I want to stay as an undercover slut until my book is released.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · June 12

      Wow !! Quite an experiment you got going there! Looking forward to reading about it.

      Good luck. Be safe! Lots of weirdos and diseases out there.!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Pingback: Matchmaking – Can it Work These Days? | rinse before use

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s