By now you’ve probably gathered that I’ve been on a fair few first dates (+/- 50 would be a good guess). I’m pretty lazy when it comes to those initial Whatsapp/Tinder/OKC chit chats. Somehow I find it ‘s less effort to pop around the corner to my local watering hole (yes, I do have a pub behind my house which tends to become the venue of choice for most of my first dates) for a quick bev with these geezers instead of investing hours of my precious time texting back and forth and building up a fictitious image of some hot stud in my weak mind. Maybe it’s a defence mechanism but I’ve gone into most first dates with little or no expectations (other than maybe to try an enjoy a glass of wine without killing myself). By setting the bar so low I’ve found that there is hardly anything these fools can do to disappointment me. Despite my generally bleak however outlook when it comes to dating there are these rare occasions where someone actually provides you with a surprisingly good evening. So this brings me to the million dollar? Under what circumstances should we let things proceed to the second date stage?
First things first. Let’s be honest love at first sight is incredibly rare, if not a fake concept all together. Most people need to have some sort of conversation before they establish whether a Tinder date has the potential to be their soulmate. I’ve been told by #zlotybaby that I should have a list of deal breakers and if the date falls short on any of these then I should run away before the option of a second date even crosses the guys mind. Easier said than done though. Trying to establish the extent of a person’s baggage, whether they are a closet member of Team God or if they are harboring a secret family in some rural backwater isn’t all that easy even for an award-winning journalist.
The All or Nothing Way of the Hopeless Romantic
Honestly, I think there are two ways to go about it. The hopeless romantic, which is probably what I am deep down, looks for some sort of magical connection. Yes, I do believe that while love at first sight is a bit stupid electric chemistry does exist. So as long as there are some sparkles, butterflies and if you are lucky a foot popping kiss at the end of the night then I’d give him te green light for the second date. Sure, this isn’t a fool proof formula for happily ever after as further down the line you may learn that the guy might provide some degree of excitement but he also has a wife at home or some commitment issue.etc, etc.
vs. The Slow Burn/Half-Hearted Approach
As risky as this all or nothing method based on following your heart (or hormones) without even bringing the grey matter into the equation is, I still think it’s 1000 percent than the alternative. I’ve spoken at length elsewhere about the risks of giving someone a second chance even when the first date isn’t a fairy tale.Of course, it’s difficult to truly assess someone’s true potential solely on a first impression so fair enough you decide that he ticks most of the boxes so you give him a second chance. From my experience though going on a second date with hopeful idea that the chemistry may miraculously appear leads to problems of its own – a spiral of half-hearted dates till you finally find something that irritates you enough (such as a racist mum) to dump his ass.
So, I am no closer to giving you a definitive answer on when to know whether to date or ditch someone. Either way things have the potential to go horribly wrong. Saying that however, I’d always opt to go on second (and third, fourth and fifty millionth) dates with the ones that give you butterflies because even though these ones have the higher chance of resulting in a horrific heartbreak they also leave you with the best stories. From my experience, when you have to think twice about whether you want to see someone again it is probably a not a great sign for happily ever after but more likely to set the tone for an encounter that is pretty much mediocre.
Alright Rinsers. What are your thoughts on knowing whether or not to go on a second date with a potential suitor? Are you a hopeless romantic who won’t settle for anything less than extraordinary or a realist who knows that life isn’t a Hollywood movie so give thought to the chance of a slow burn encounter? From your experience which approach works best? Or if we are destined for disaster does it not really matter at all? Answers and stories in the comments below.