Home Alone – When Your Partner Is Away

homealoneWhen you’re in a long-term relationship your partner will most probably be away at times. It may be due to a business trip or some other arrangement that you cannot be a part of. In either case you have to deal with it and cope with a new temporary reality in which you’re home alone.

If you value your friendships and you understand that your partner cannot be all your life, you probably  make an effort to see your friends and pursue your passions outside of the relationship. If you have a working relationship, however, there’s no way that you’ll spend as much time with other people as you used to when you were single. Between the quality time with your partner, quality time in the Coupleverse and some other couple obligations, you end up being constantly busy. Then suddenly your partner goes away from the shared world for a period of time and you’re left with a surplus of free time (and no sex or cuddles).

I’d lie if I said your partner’s being away had no perks whatsoever. At least now you can do the things you didn’t have time to do because you preferred to spend time with your partner. Maybe you can finally find time to get back to blog writing without feeling guilty? You can also become a super productive individual you wish you were and get up at 5 o’clock in the morning, prepare yourself a smoothie, go to yoga and then cycle to work. When you’re done with a work day you can go out and widen your circle of friends or you can stay in and watch whichever series you want to, even if your partner doesn’t like it. You can throw your clothes around you and keep the sink full of dishes. You can do pretty much whatever you want but the fact remains that you’re alone and you’re missing your partner.

I guess my husband doesn’t go away too often but I still don’t like it. It’s probably a good sign, however, that even though I keep busy I’m still quite bleak because of his absence. The truth is that when you have a lot in common with your partner most things you enjoy, you can do together. For me it’s not: “Yay! I can organise a hike/cinema outing now” but rather “Nay! It’s still cool but not the same without him.” You’re also temporarily banished from the Coupleverse, because let’s be honest a dinner for the three of you, just doesn’t have the same dynamics as a two couple outing. Besides, being surrounded by duets makes me even more morose. In short, doing “all the things I want” when he’s away in my case translates into doing all the things I want to do to keep busy and make the time go faster before my husband is back. It doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy doing some of them, but keeping busy doesn’t always imply quality and sometimes I’d much more prefer being with my partner than introducing myself to a hord of strangers I’ll never see again.

As life is all about having healthy balance, I’ve managed to create a state of reasonable contentment with how my life is with my husband. Having a life partner means after all having a life together. You don’t have to cry every minute when your partner is away and you should try to have fun but life is still so much better when your significant other is around. Maybe the one good purpose of the partner being away for a bit is that it serves as a reminder of how lucky we are with what we have on daily basis.

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10 comments

  1. […] Let’s start with the living together part. Most people would say that a serious relationship starts when you start to live together, right? Yet this isn’t necessarily the reality of many long-term relationships. One of the modern solutions for having a cake and eating it (in this case having independence and not) is the so-called LAT; an abbreviation which stands for living apart but together. People in such arrangement are in an intimate relation but keep their separate apartments. They claim that it allows them to avoid fights over domestic issues and helps them have their independence, which in return makes them better partners. What I find even more surprising are couples in prolonged long-distance relationships. I’m not talking here about the scenarios when you met someone abroad, did long-distance for a bit and then one joined the other, or they chose a new country to be together. No. I’m talking about relationship, where partners live in completely different countries for years, due to work assignments or other reasons. It’s a common relationship pattern for academics, for instance. If you think about it, it’s not an entirely new construct. Due to emancipation of women, though, now both partners focus on their careers, rather than just the man being away. I may be a bit jealous of people who have so much ambition to sacrifice their relationships, but I wouldn’t really want that for myself. My husband travels every few months and I already hate that! […]

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