The Plus One ‘Conundrum’


As much as us singletons bitch and moan about our loveless lives and the pitfalls of modern dating, the fact is much of that drama is brought on ourselves and could be avoided if we stopped chasing trouble. Thankfully, in more progressive countries women can function perfectly well (if not better) without a man by their side. But there does come a time when sadly everyone, even those who claim to be happily single, are forced to partner up.

Formal events, particularly weddings, become regular features on our social calenders as we hit our 30s and such occasions often require you to have a plus one. For those that are married or in a committed relationship this requirement really doesn’t pose much of a problem (well, unless your significant other is a socially awkward recluse – but that’s a story for a separate post). But for a singleton receiving such an invite with dreaded words PLUS ONE poses a whole host of issues.

Firstly, it reminds you that you are hopelessly single. While it may seem like you are one of the few people that are excluded from that special club aka the coupleverse – you really aren’t so just stop being a drama queen/king! Sure if you are brave you can play the free agent card and go it alone but that’s not always going to be the case and sometimes you’ll just have to suck it up and convince someone to be your plus one.

Next, finding a suitable plus one that, a) won’t make a scene and embarrass you and b) won’t read too much into such an invite and see it as a opportunity to get their leg over, is easier that done.One’s outlook will definitely effect your approach to finding the right person for the job. Some may simply see it as a opportunity for an all expenses paid date. Other times you may need your plus one to put on his/her superhero cape and protect you from that frenemy or SWF you know will be on a mission to bask in the glory of seeing your sad and single. Then on the best occasions, the plus ones will just be there to laugh at your speech, booze with you and generally be good value. Whatever the case, it is important for the plus one to understand their role and for everyone’s expectations are managed properly.

Sometimes the pressure to find a plus one can really cause us to act stupidly. It’s actually quite crazy the lengths we’ll go to have someone hold our hand in a room full of pairs. I’ve heard stories of the types hitting up Tinder on the morning of an event and taking the first available match that comes along.  In theory it could fun, and of course it’ll be a cool story to tell if it works out in your favour but all I see is so so so much potential for disaster ! But this is not the worst act of stupidity that comes to mind, the thought of needing to fill a plus one quota could make a even a usually sensible girl consider prolonging an encounter with a racist mama’s boy due to to the fear of having to fly solo (thankfully, she did come to her senses in the end!).

To conclude, as wedding season approaches many of us will face the agony of finding a person that is socialised enough to be seen with at a public event. As hard as it may seem at times it is important that you don’t let your sad single status result in a complete mental breakdown. Always keep the bigger picture in mind – remember your choices could have wider social repercussions.Whatever you do choose wisely and carefully, try not to commit social suicide by pitching up with someone who acts raving lunatic that has been let out of Valkenberg for the evening and most importantly make sure your plus one is someone who doesn’t take life too seriously and knows how to have fun. Sometimes its just a case of thinking outside the box a little.

Rinsers – Have you ever agonized over finding a plus one for a function? Has the pressure ever caused you to do something stupid? Do you have any advice for any singletons looking to survive such occasions? Share you success/horror stories in the comments below.  






  1. There isn’t a need to agonize over something as to who you bring to a social event. When planning our wedding I had a single friend who asked if she could bring a female friend since she had no date at that point. Sometimes we put undue pressure on ourselves to save face to avoid the tongues from wagging. The best advice I could give is just don’t over think this …

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yep. That’s what I did in the end. Thankfully, I can to my senses. After almost prostituting myself to a racist 😛 Luckily, I saw his true colors well before the event. I can’t imagine how embarrassed I would have been had he started a racist rant in front of my friends !!!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Nice piece, and timely as I have been to two weddings over the last two weekends. I wonder if it’s the demographic of the weddings I am invited too; I have always had the offer of a ‘plus 1’ but it has never ever been an issue to go solo. It messes the seating arrangements sometimes, and I know friends have been a little worried I will find A Person and want to bring them after they’ve confirmed numbers to the hotel / venue… but I’m 43 and have had two decades of weddings, sometimes as a Singleton. And whilst moments of intense love being shared between others, and happy couples, may make me a little wistful, I’ve never felt the need to take someone I don’t want to spend time with nor have I been excluded by my ‘status’. Maybe I am just lucky my friends are that formal? And mybe it’s because I choose friends who wld ensure I am just as happy to be at their wedding as they are gifting us the celebration…?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for reading and commenting !!

      I think nowadays you have to have a special person to get a ‘plus one’ with your invite – especially if you are not married/in a commited relationship because weddings a hugely expensive affairs and you may almost double your wedding party by letting everyone have a plus one.

      But yup flying solo can by cool too as it leaves you to get your flirt with all the eligible singletons and you know people lose their minds at weddings so you may even get lucky 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This hits home for me as I JUST received a wedding invite this week. It’s for a friend of mine whom I love dearly but I don’t really know her other friends or family so it could be an awkward night of solodom. I have decided to reply with a plus one as I have some time to find a date. And if I don’t find an actual date, I’m taking a female fried. (I’ve been keeping less male friends as that has gotten a bit hairy in the past. And yes, it’s harder to get them to understand the agreement of what the night actually is. A free night of food and fun with nothing additionally promised) So onward and upward into embracing life as it is for me as a single.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yup flying solo only really works if a) you are a real social butterly or b) you know other people at the function.

      Yup – it can be dangerous blurring the lines with male friends but I’m sure there are some decent ones that’ll treat you like a sister rather than just another piece of meet and encourage your to get your flirt on with other eligible wedding guests!

      I think we should start thinking of a plus one more like a wing woman/man 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Gosh! This makes me realise however old we get we don’t ever outgrow that high school mentality.

    Remember, being the girl without a date for prom? Well, that is the same issue 10/15/20 years down the line – right???

    I like how you say we just need to think outside the box though – take a girlfriend, a male friend, your mum, dad, sister, brother whoever is going to have fun and enjoy the free food and champers and most importantly the person who is going to let their hair down and boogie on the dance floor.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I never felt pressure to look for a date because I had girlfriends, both single and married who were always more than happy to jump at the chance of a free meal, drinks and fishing event (single ones).
    Seriously, though, I think singletons go through the same pressure as couples without kids. Everyone asking-“so when are you gonna have kids?” Or “When are you gonna find a man?” I’ve never allowed myself to conform to the expectations of others to feel pressure either way. Whenever I was approached, either way, I would always respond and say I’m having too much fun single( the relationship Q) or I’m enjoying my freedom too much( the kids Q).

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yep. People can be rude. When you are single it’s why you don’t have a bf. When you start seeing someone its when are you guys getting engaged. Engaged – whens the wedding? At the wedding – whens the baby due? List goes on. Ugh we can never win!!

      Liked by 2 people

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