Happily Single?

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My (mis)adventures on Tinder have been full of highs and lows (well, mainly lows). I’ve dealt with my fair share of mummy’s boys, racists, overly-attached stalker types, commitment-phobes and philanderers. I’ve been criticised for having curly hair and been called a gold digger. I’ve played therapist and listened while grown men cried on my shoulder about how hard their lives have been, how they’ve been victimised by dirty dirty lesbians and how no one will ever love them because of their FAT issues. And to be fair to the boys, I’m not totally innocent, I’ll admit that I’ve also taken part in a little bit of ‘heart-breaking’ as well BUT you can see why chicks these days become disillusioned with dating. Right?  So in today’s post I will be asking whether in fact those spinster’s actually have the right idea and whether it is possible for a person to give up on the search for LOVE and end up ‘happily single’?

Despite all the drama associated with modern dating , I find myself unwilling to give up on the quest for happily ever after because I refuse to resign myself to life as a sad spinster ( I enjoy taking the piss out of them to become one myself). Some may call me insane or a glutton for punishment. There are, after all, people who have different opinions on what ‘happily ever after’ actually entails. For traditionalists (like myself) who grew up believing life was a Disney fairytale, ‘happily ever after’ involves this epic story where a dashing Prince Charming swans in and sweeps you off your feet, after a few hiccups (even in Disneyland there are obstacles) and defying all odds you end up married living in a fabulous castle in the suburbs with a couple of stunning, clever, non-rebellious children. THE END. For others though, ‘happily ever after’ may not involve a prince or a significant other of any sort, the castle, or those sickly sweet kids – it may be more about avoiding the heartache and just plodding along in life alone.

Not so long ago, I was called out by a friend for saying that this whole life mission is a choice between life as sad spinster or happily ever after. Upon further reflection, I’ll admit that this was somewhat of a sweeping statement and, as with everything, there has to be shades of grey. Obviously, there are more than 2 alternatives for a chosen life path. Let’s take a look at few such examples:

Unhappily Married/In an Open Relationship

Despite what the pictures on Facebook tell us, not all those people who that have perfect white wedding have the perfect marriage which you’d expect to follow it.  While some people run a mile at the first sign of trouble, other believe so strongly in the sanctity of marriage that they’ll stick it out till the bitter end – whether that means arguing every day and sleeping in separate beds while putting on a brave face for the kids (and the rest of society) or living under the same roof but living separate lives and even turning a blind eye to one another’s sordid affairs.

Blissfully (or Bitterly) Divorced

You’ve been there and done that. You gave the traditional notion of ‘happily ever after’ a fair chance, but realised it was actually a prison sentence so you decided to break-free (or your ex did). At least you gave it a chance and got to experience what so many are still frantically searching for (aka marriage/kids) or maybe you just did it to get your olds off your back. Either way you can proudly own that DIVORCED badge. Perhaps your happier in your new found single state or maybe you feel hard done by but whatever your future holds, whether you choose to live in sin with your next partner or go down the marriage route again, hopefully second (third and fourth) time around you’ll do it with your eyes wide open.

Practically Married or Forever Playing the Field

You consider yourself a financially savvy individual and you realise that weddings and children are costly affairs. Obviously, you also know that no (wo)man is an island and we all need human connections so you either a) find a person who thinks the same way you do and you possibly move in together (remember it also makes financial sense) so you have someone to cuddle up to on those cold winter nights without having to sign your life away OR b) you opt for finding multiple people to occupy your nights with (aka FWBs) that way you thwart the loneliness (and a life of celibacy) without the responsibilities associated with those more meaningful relationships

Married to Your Job/Dog

Who says you need to engage in relationships of the human kind? Not everyone requires, or even wants, human interaction. It is possible to find alternative passions, don’t you know?

So,  sure there are a world of options beyond the spinsterhood but can people be really be happily single? I think periods of single-ness are a great opportunity for self reflection and figuring out what you want from a relationship and life in general but deep down humans are social beings and no one really wants to die alone (probably a huge motivation for having the hubby/wife/kids/dogs). I think very few people can be truly happy alone (maybe only those yogis hiding in a cave in India). Even the most introverted person probably just wants to find a fellow introvert they can just about tolerate. So while this traditional notion of ‘happily ever after’ may be flawed, and there are certainly other less stressful ways to be happy,  we all crave some form of human connection  therefore if you ask me, ‘happily single’ is just as much a fictitious concept as those fairytale ideas.

 

All righty Rinsers. What are your thoughts on the topic? Is the traditional idea of ‘happily ever after’ just a lie we’ve been fed by society? Do you think happily single is a really a viable option? Are you yourself happily single? Share your comments below.

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43 comments

  1. Happliy ever after …is a state of mind first. It’s nice to have a magical ride on romance but you have think about the types you attract. If you keep settling on frogs thinking they will turn into a prince then you are wasting your time. Everyone runs into weirdos but how is it some find true love and others don’t …it’s what we send out is what we attract so ask yourself what am I attracting ? Single is a status not what you are.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. First of all, that opening paragraph had me laughing my head off. Take my advice and stop looking for love on Tinder and start charging for your services. If they want you to listen to their problem start charging! LOL! LOL!

    I agree with ‘bklynboy59’ Happily Ever After is a state of mind and that we attract what we send out. Years ago I tried that online dating thing after my first marriage transitioned to a divorce, well almost 20 years to be exact. But I didn’t do it through online dating sites, back then it was Social Media of sorts, yahoo chat, msn chat and a few other chat services. Some of the guys I’ve met on there, we are still friends. I know what I wanted and never wasted my time chatting with someone who wasn’t what I was looking for. Which meant, no lesbians, crackheads, mamma’s boys, freaks, geeks and men looking for booty calls.

    There is no luck in finding the person you want, it doesn’t happen by fluke, accident or some cosmic force. It happens when you stop labelling yourself as single first of all. Secondly, when you decide on what you want and project that image out there. Thirdly, when you accept that there is NO Prince Charming out there, no one is perfect. When someone fits 60% of what you’re looking for go with it.

    Have been happily married, divorced, happily single, now happily married again. But I’m making my own Happily Ever After because that means different things to different people. My Happily Ever After means to travel, tossing caution to the wind, writing, spending quality time with my family, my dog and friends! I don’t think we’ve been fed, I think the lie came in its definition.

    ****You know I can easily see us with our own radio show or podcast (but I have to learn to do that first) 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Haaa 😂😂😂. I’ve also used Tinder and OMG!! I didn’t last on the app very long, it was becoming more of a headache then anything else. I’m now trying paid sites, so we’ll see if there is much of a difference. Wish me luck.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I know you will find your happily ever after! You just have to set your bar a bit higher to be satisfied by those who can clear it. I am suggesting high-jumper high! (so I may have watched the Olympics a bit) It weeds out undesirable potentials and allows you to form/attract your prince charming!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the positivity PAT !

      Yes, the bar is slowly but surely being raised. So far I’ve got :

      – No racists
      – No mummy’s boys
      – No boys that feel to vocalise all their insecurities on the first date!

      I think I just need to lock down the look I want 😛

      Liked by 2 people

  5. So true, it’s so difficult! I just turned 26 and I’m like omg I’m gonna die a spinster, I long for a very serious relationship, but it seems that the guys I attract are never in the same mindset as me. Relationships are so complicated and I’m like I just want my happy ever after. Is that so much to ask?!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Another independent single lady out there! I am starting a blog on my journey as a single lady. Struggling through independence while everyone is either getting married or having babies! Life is just as fun for us, and I think a little more humorous. 😂 My blog link is: meganelizabeth124.wordpress.com. Called: Another Beautiful Day in Chaos

    Liked by 1 person

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