Relationships, and other lesser-romantic encounters, end for a variety of reasons. Some break-ups aren’t monumental. It’s not always a case of him having a Ashley Madison account or her leading a double life on the other side of the world and stringing you a long for the LOLs. Sometimes its just a matter of two people not seeing eye to eye or having issues that, despite all efforts, just can’t be overcome. I do believe it is possible to exit a relationship while still loving the person you are leaving behind. That connection that you’ve built over time (be it a few weeks or a decade) doesn’t just end that day you change your Facebook status back to ‘single’.
That connection that transcends the parameters of a formal relationship (or informal FWB in some cases) is the focus of in today’s post. In particular, the sixth sense, that your exes have when it comes to your moving on with someone new. Let’s look at some examples. We all have ex-factor where things end but not on bad terms so you try and stay (just) friends, you keep in touch, share a bit of witty banter, etc. Naturally, you try to keep things light and fluffy so there is never any discussion about potential new relationships (surely, I am not the only one who thinks this may be a little awk?). After a few months of single alone time, one day there you are beautifying yourself and getting ready for your first date with some dude you’ve met on Tinder when there is a knock on the door…and it’s none other than the devil himself!!! You chitchat a bit and eventually get rid of him but you arrive bleary eyed and generally bleak for the first date and that’s not exactly the best start for a blossoming relationship now is it?
Just a coincidence? We wish! There are even those boyfriends past, who despite the fact that they themselves have replaced you, somehow manage to find a way of using this ‘sixth sense’ to stop you from moving on. It’s hard enough trying dealing with the trials and tribulations of dating, and sifting through all the deadwood out there trying to meet some half-decent human beings without throwing your past into the mix. And what’s worse about these exes with the sixth sense is that they often know you better than you know yourself. As much as we all know better than to compare people, its so easy to be nostalgic. Even though a potential new suitor may shower you with flowers (and badly written declarations of ‘love’), your past knows you well enough to know that the only flowers you won’t kill are the plastic ones!
And the solution to this ‘Sixth Sense’ problem? I’d love to tell you I had the answer. But I’m still working on this one. Sure, the Sixth Sense exists BUT we can still choose not to allow it control things and effectively stop us having a future with someone new. The truth is, it’s not always a case of better the devil you know. Things always end for a reason and unless there has been a miraculous turn of events you’ll find that the issues that plagued past relationships still exist today. Of course, its not always easy to cut all ties and draw a line in the sand, especially in a small world like Cape Town. But we should at least endevour to move on so that when paths do cross we are in a better position to objectively evaluate the situation instead of allowing the ex’s Sixth Sense to trick us into becoming all nostalgic about the past.
OK Rinsers. Do you think it is possible for ex loves to have this sort of Sixth Sense and use it to sabotage our chances of future happiness? Or is it just an excuse for person’s own unwillingness to let go of the past? Do you have any experiences with the Sixth Sense phenomenon and what are you tips for fighting it? Answers in the comments below.