By now, we have come to terms with the fact that the old-school Alpha male is no more and that the dating world is full of mummy’s boys. Look, it’s one thing for a man to have a healthy relationship with his mother but how about when he is still living under mummy’s roof at in his 30s? The sad truth is it’s not just the guys. These days a growing number of people (us chicks included) in their late 20s/30s/40s/50s that still live with the Olds. In today’s post I’d like to establish the impact of this trend of living in close quarters with Mummy and Daddy has on our romantic development (or lack thereof).
Let’s start by drawing on some real life inspiration. Recently I went on a date with someone who forewarned me that the night could not go on beyond 8pm as he had to be home for dinner because Mummy was preparing his favourite! (How sweet – NOT!) Naturally, I only went along with the date for research purposes….but it was rather dull as he spent the ‘evening’ telling me how he enjoyed watching conspiracy documentaries with his Dad. Hmm…let’s just say I had to decline his offer of a second where he suggested he stay over at mine and tell the folks he was visiting an old school buddy for the night. And there I was thinking that the lame excuses and sneaking around ended after our teenage years.
As I said before, its not just the guys…. there are actually fewer ‘independent’ women out there than we’d like to believe. When I’ve gently questioned some such people as to their reasons for remaining at home well into their adult years most put it down to purely economic reasons. I understand that in many places, like London and New York (CT is apparently going the same way), where property/rental prices are ludicrous many people my age justify their decision to live at home well into their 30s/40s/50s on financial grounds – saving rent money while having your laundry done makes sense – right?. However doesn’t there come a point when one needs to question whether this arguably sensible financial decision is stunting the progression of your romantic life?
So the economics justifications make sense – it’s a sad reality of the world we live in. But how about when someone tells you : ‘My parents aren’t like most people’s. They are super cool. I can drink wine and party with them. It’s no different from having a house mate!’. Ha di Ha Ha! I beg to differ on this one. I too, have a great relationship with my olds (and they could probably drink me and all my friends under the table) but I believe there comes a time (I’d say in your late teens/early 20s) when we all need to flee the nest.
To exemplify my point further- have you ever noticed how people you are dating quick to establish what your living arrangements are? On many occasions, even before meeting a guy, he has asked if I live alone or have a housemate. They may think they are being subtle but really they couldn’t be more transparent if they just came out and said : ‘At some point I envisage us engaging in sexual relations and I’d like to figure out whether this is logistically possible ’. Bumping into a random who is around about your age as you try to sneak out the morning after isn’t so bad. You’ll both probably just laugh about it. But the embarrassment is multiplied by 100000 if instead of a housemate you have to deal with that person’s folks.
Sure, its rather presumptuous to pry about a persons living arrangements but I also think it’s quite understandable. Let’s be honest… does anyone want to date a girl who goes clubbing with her mum? No matter how liberal some parents may seem the thought of your significant other’s father being in the next room while you guys are at it is sure to be kill anyone’s libido! And we haven’t even begun to address the constant interference/’advice’ parents insist on offering? It’s bad enough when you live a million miles away imagine how much more insight they’d have if they had you living under their roof! Remember there is no such thing as a free lunch (or laundry service!).
To conclude, does living with Olds mean the death of romantic relations? I would most certainly say it has a detrimental impact on your chances of getting lucky romantically. Moving back home for a short stint while finding your feet in the world is fine but living with the Olds for an extended period with no end date in sight definitely creates a negative impression for potential suitors and has detrimental effects on one’s future romantic development.
Now, over to you dear Rinsers. Do you think that living with Mum and Dad ruins your chances of having healthy romantic relations? Would you date someone who was still living at home as an adult? Should it be a dating deal breaker? Is the trend of prolonging fleeing the nest just a reality that we are going to have to deal with in the future? Or are you an adult still living at home? Have your living arrangements effected your dating life negatively or do you have the best of both worlds?