I know they say that opposites attract but my experience taught me that it’s not true. When you’re single you have mostly single friends and it doesn’t change immediately after you start to date someone. You need to reach a medium (6 months to a year) to long term (a year and above) relationship status in order to enter the Couples Universe, in short Coupleverse.
As you know, Dear Rinsers, I’m now officially Engaged and therefore the Coupleverse has been a land I visit quite often. Let’s focus on its perks first. When you’re a member of the Coupleverse social life becomes much easier in terms of admin. Instead of sending messages to four people you only have to send one to the couple representative (usually female). Your partner is in, of course, so when the other couple agrees you can hang out and it’s not lame even on a Friday or a Saturday night because it’s four of you (a small crowd!). Dinners, drinks, weekends away, cinema, theatre, hikes and other Healthy Activities – the Coupleverse is full of possibilities! Because there’s more people the events are less likely to be boring and you have to make an effort only every second time because the couples know the rule – it’s an invite for an invite to keep the game going.
Unfortunately, there are also disadvantages. The members of Coupleverse are usually quite advanced in adulting. When you’re single you’re planning your Friday night on a Thursday (best case scenario) or even on the same day. In Coupleverse you plan an event at least a week ahead (although I must confess we have events in our SHARED calendar that are happening only in a month or two). This is all very practical but sometimes I do miss more spontaneous meet-ups because one feels so and not because it’s been scheduled. Cancelling is also a big no-no unless a REAL reason for it appears unexpectedly. After all if you’re not going your partner won’t go either and if the plan was just two couples that’s just being a party pooper. There’s also a part of adulting which takes over conversations and that’s all the mundane stuff that has to do with advantages of Pick’n’Pay over Woolies and the other way round, retirement, medical aid, prenups and the most pressurizing topic CHILDREN and pregnancy.
To sum up, the Coupleverse is a more organized and less spontaneous place than the Single World (Singlord?) but it comes with many perks, of which the biggest one is stability with reliable partner that you love. I guess that there’s also a difference in being tied in your early twenties (when it’s fine not to know all the answers) and being in a relationship in your late twenties or early thirties when people expect you to have your next 10 years lined up. I think the best way to deal with this Adult Land is to keep believing what you think is true and not let everyone’s fear about the Future govern your behaviors. Also, from time to time it’s okay to spend excessive amount of money on a hairdresser who damages your hair and makes them brown with blond highlights and not purple as you wanted or to eat a whole pack of 25 rand cottage cheese for breakfast without feeling guilty because you’re not thinking enough about how this amount could have contributed to your honeymoon/trip to Poland/marriage related admin and the unforeseeable plagues that can happen.
Now to you, Dear Rinsers! Have you ever entered the Coupleverse? Have you had any (mid)adventures there? Tell us all your secrets in the comment section.