The Coupleverse – No Country for Single (Wo)men

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I know they say that opposites attract but my experience taught me that it’s not true. When you’re single you have mostly single friends and it doesn’t change immediately after you start to date someone. You need to reach a medium (6 months to a year) to long term (a year and above) relationship status in order to enter the Couples Universe, in short Coupleverse.

As you know, Dear Rinsers, I’m now officially Engaged and therefore the Coupleverse has been a land I visit quite often. Let’s focus on its perks first. When you’re a member of the Coupleverse social life becomes much easier in terms of admin. Instead of sending messages to four people you only have to send one to the couple representative (usually female). Your partner is in, of course, so when the other couple agrees you can hang out and it’s not lame even on a Friday or a Saturday night because it’s four of you (a small crowd!). Dinners, drinks, weekends away, cinema, theatre, hikes and other Healthy Activities – the Coupleverse is full of possibilities! Because there’s more people the events are less likely to be boring and you have to make an effort only every second time because the couples know the rule – it’s an invite for an invite to keep the game going.

Unfortunately, there are also disadvantages. The members of Coupleverse are usually quite advanced in adulting. When you’re single you’re planning your Friday night on a Thursday (best case scenario) or even on the same day. In Coupleverse you plan an event at least a week ahead (although I must confess we have events in our SHARED calendar that are happening only in a month or two). This is all very practical but sometimes I do miss more spontaneous meet-ups because one feels so and not because it’s been scheduled. Cancelling is also a big no-no unless a REAL reason for it appears unexpectedly. After all if you’re not going your partner won’t go either and if the plan was just two couples that’s just being a party pooper. There’s also a part of adulting which takes over conversations and that’s all the mundane stuff that has to do with advantages of Pick’n’Pay over Woolies and the other way round, retirement, medical aid, prenups and the most pressurizing topic CHILDREN and pregnancy.

To sum up, the Coupleverse is a more organized and less spontaneous place than the Single World (Singlord?) but it comes with many perks, of which the biggest one is stability with reliable partner that you love. I guess that there’s also a difference in being tied in your early twenties (when it’s fine not to know all the answers) and being in a relationship in your late twenties or early thirties when people expect you to have your next 10 years lined up. I think the best way to deal with this Adult Land is to keep believing what you think is true and not let everyone’s fear about the Future govern your behaviors. Also, from time to time it’s okay to spend excessive amount of money on a hairdresser who damages your hair and makes them brown with blond highlights and not purple as you wanted or to eat a whole pack of 25 rand cottage cheese for breakfast without feeling guilty because you’re not thinking enough about how this amount could have contributed to your honeymoon/trip to Poland/marriage related admin and the unforeseeable plagues that can happen.

Now to you, Dear Rinsers! Have you ever entered the Coupleverse? Have you had any (mid)adventures there? Tell us all your secrets in the comment section.

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17 comments

  1. EnglishRosiee · June 7, 2016

    The coupleverse is all well and good but I think couples are still made up of two individuals with their own distinct interests.

    I think it’s natural when you are at some stage in your life to hang with people in a similar circumstance…i.e. have you ever notice your friends who have babies suddenly start accumulating new mummy friends?

    But I don’t think circumstance is a a good enough common denominator…being part of a couple may not be your situation forever.

    Although its easier said than done, I think it’s important to be part of a world that’s defined by your interests rather than circumstance. If you like running or church, don’t give these things up to enter the coupleverse. Maybe try to keep a foot in both worlds because we never know what is going to happen next.

    Liked by 3 people

    • sam1128 · June 8, 2016

      It’s not only about keeping a foot in two worlds, whilst couples need their time together as couples, it’s always important to keep own interests and a degree of independence ….apart from anything else it keeps one interesting and fulfilled in the long run. Coupledom is great but one must never lose ones uniqueness and become a pale cypher of the person you are.Coupledom sometimes means socialising with people one would rather not….Whilst that’s part of the deal it shouldn’t mean you lose adventure…if you are before marriage get it back quick….or that relationship will cease being a pleasure.

      Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby · June 8, 2016

        I still hang out with my other friends and do other things I like. Sometimes I do things I dislike for the sake of the partner but most couply things I enjoy to do. I think it’s only natural for a life to get more scheduled when you’re in a relationship. I find that exactly because I’m trying to have a healthy relationship with my partner, still see my friends and pursue my passions, I need to plan better than I used to which takes away some spontaneity. I guess maybe I lost some sense of adventure but that’s mostly because I’m really not enjoying my work and I feel drained because of it. It sometimes makes me feel like everything was admin as even leisure activities are scheduled.

        Liked by 1 person

      • sam1128 · June 8, 2016

        Yep lots of juggling! But sounds you have a pretty good balance considering life always throws stuff at us. Hope it works for you. Wait till you are 20 years in! Lmho😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · June 8, 2016

        I’m trying, hey? But you reach this point when even your favorite thing like writing, including blogging, becomes too much 😜 agh I just like complaining, when not at work I’m happy 100% of time (unless I think about work of course).

        Liked by 1 person

      • sam1128 · June 8, 2016

        Laughing! And sympathising…But you can at least write and air your views and I enjoy both the threads of your blog. You also stimulate some debate!

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby · June 9, 2016

        That’s always nice to see people commenting and relating regardless of what their response is 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · June 8, 2016

      I don’t think it’s a circumstantial thing. How it goes is like it goes with friends. If you an your partner are compatible (hopefully) you like similar things and so does your friends. Some friends are a couple so you start hanging out the four of you and they may have friends who also are into the same things and who also are in a relationship and that’s how it goes. I agree that one should never get rid of one’s interests when in a relationship. Also hanging out as a couple suffers from lack of one on one relations so it’s good to keep all other friendships as well.

      Like

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