We live in an age of instant gratification where we express a desire and expect it to be satisfied within seconds. Busy people don’t have time to waste – everything must be efficient and serve a purpose. Whenever we can multi-task (or double park) we will! When we get bored of our current play thing we just upgrade to a newer model …sorted! This is never more true than in the dating world where Tinder-style dating apps have made it easy for us to accept that belief that there are plenty more fish in the sea and if Mr X doesn’t satisfy our every desire then Mr Y and Z are just a swipe away!
I’m not knocking it. I’m a product of my time and I am well aware that I probably put an unhealthy emphasis on butterflies, foot-popping kisses and the kind of lightning bolt ‘love’ that makes one lose their mind. However, in my old age I am beginning to question whether my approach to finding Prince Charming is really all that effective.
I certainly won’t deny that an initial spark and basic level of attraction is necessary but in our rush to NEXT the dud candidates do we dismiss potential suitors who may have hidden attributes that aren’t necessarily apparent within the first 15 minutes of a date? In the good old days, before the advent of internet dating, (decent) people spent more time getting to know one another. Maybe it started off as a friendship which then blossomed into a beautiful romance…
I guess this old-school ‘slow burn’ approach to dating whereby you meet someone that you acknowledge is half-decent and invest sometime getting to know them before embarking on a relationship has its advantages. For starters, time should reveal a person’s true character and may also give you greater insight into any skeletons they may have hiding in the closet. Thus, if you do decide to get involved with the person you do so with your eyes wide open (maybe not fully but at least somewhat aware of their flaws).
Good things do come to those that wait, as they say. And maybe a long build up is a good thing. Have you ever found that those relationship that start off with electric chemistry tend to deteriorate quite quickly (usually after the novelty of having ended a sex drought has wears off!)? Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always chased after crazy fireworks but maybe there is something to be said for having had to work for something. All that anticipation probably accounts for epic levels of sexual tension if/when things do eventually progress.
To conclude, we’ve seen a regression to an older, ‘slower’ way of doing things now in many aspects of our life. For example, the popularity of organic, home-grown food and craft beer as opposed to greasy low-quality fast food. We are starting to see that it’s not all about quantity and that quality can’t be rushed. So maybe it’s time to apply some of this type of thinking to our relationships – slow things down and stop dismissing potential future husbands/wives outright because they simply fail to meet one of your arbitrary deal breakers. This way maybe we can move beyond these no doubt extremely fun but somewhat superficial relationships (usually with bad boys which have a habit of ending in disaster) and opt for investing some time in something more meaningful. I know constant reminders from our families, friends and society in general about our declining fertility and such don’t help but try to remember that there is life is more than a race to find happily ever after.
OK Rinsers it’s over to you. What are your thoughts on the slow burn relationship? Do you think we are have become too obsessed with butterflies and fireworks? Do we risk missing out on a good thing because we are in a rush to find ‘perfection’? Answers and stories in the comments section below.