Shame and embarassment in dating

image

I always say that dating isn’t easy. Even when you’re in a great relationship from time to time something reminds you of embarrassing stories of your past and makes you cringe. I feel like sharing some shameful stories today so that you can feel better if you’re currently having a bad patch in your romantic life.

When I was young all I wanted was to have a boyfriend. That was mostly because all my family kept asking me whether I had one and friends at school seemed to be getting paired. Maybe I was maturing slowly and maybe there was no one really interesting around but I wasn’t really having a soft spot for anyone and the society was expecting me to date (at the age of 13!). Eventually I assumed a position of being interested in people if they’re interested in me as a default to finally fulfill my duty. When a schoolmate who never showed too much interest in me started to send me messages and eventually asked me to be his girlfriend I decided that it was a perfect opportunity and said “yes”. Shortly afterwards I confided it to my female friend and she revealed the horrible truth to me – it was meant to be a joke they designed as they didn’t think I’d agree. The horror of rejection by someone whom I didn’t even particularly fancy was difficult to bear, let alone the fact that I had to deal with the embarrassment of the situation every day till I graduated. And yet, I survived and people forgot and I even learnt a lesson of never dating someone you feel halfheartedly about just because others think you shouldn’t be single anymore.

Another source of shame and embarrassment is obviously all bodily functions. Can you imagine a third date when your partner starts to cringe horribly during a walk and asks you whether he can please use your bathroom and then you can hear a half an hour of uncanny bodily noises out of there (plus the noise of something hitting the water basin)? And when he vacates the bathroom it doesn’t smell of flowers either. Or even worse can you imagine getting your period just after you had sex with a new partner for the first time letting him wonder whether you maybe were a virgin? Both of those are true stories and both with right people can be turned into a source of fun rather than into anything else. If a person tries to embarrass you even further it means you should leave the relationship immediately and be grateful that you dodged the bullet.

Did you know that gender equality can be a source of shame too? The times when you could be sure that a guy’s going to pay for your drinks are over. Out on a date I kept drinking these expensive cocktails hoping that they’re not going to eat into my monthly budget and yet when the bill arrived he didn’t grab it. When I didn’t take it either he looked at me and asked “You are going to pay for your drinks, right?”. I tried to hide my blushing that couldn’t have been disguised in anyway and I mumbled something back. Then he kept on embarassing me telling me how little he thought of women who didn’t pay for themselves. Seems like the end of the world? Not really. I shouldn’t have expected a man to pay for me but he shouldn’t have approached the topic in such a douchy way. Few dodgy whatsapp conversations later I could only be too grateful that I didn’t let this man to pay for me and didn’t owe him anything.

To sum up, shame and embarrassment are an unpleasant but natural part of dating. Squeezing lemonade out of this lemons is the only way forward so instead of beating yourself up try to learn a lesson.

 

 

Advertisements

10 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · May 17, 2016

    wow that is a rough experience .

    Like

  2. Nato · May 17, 2016

    One time my boyfriend and I were joking around and tickling each other. We were rough housing like kids and jump over him while on my hands and knees. After that he grabbed me and I tried to squirm away and wound up farting. O. M. G. I was so embarrassed that I literally turned red and slide down off the bed and and onto the floor. I started laughing because I was so mortified and didn’t know what else to do. He grabbed me up and said, are you embarrassed dear? OMG, yes. I am sorry. He laughed and said something to the extent that it was really not that big of deal and moved on tickling me. We are still dating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · May 18, 2016

      😊 such stories should be a source of laughter, really. It’s all human. Only an asshole would be, well, an asshole about it 😉 this story reminds me of when once I did NOT fart but the bed squeaked and I was accused of farting. The more I was defending myself the worse it was appearing 😄

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nato · May 18, 2016

        Oh gosh. I’ve been there too. I swear it wasn’t me and it really wasn’t but… lol. Did they ever believe you?

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · May 18, 2016

        No! Fortunately it was just a camp crush from back in the days when I was a teenager. But if he really liked me he should have believed me 😜

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nato · May 18, 2016

        True!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. sam1128 · May 19, 2016

    Huh…you had a great escape from the last one! What a cheapskate. Maybe the man shouldn’t have to pay for all the drinks…but if he asks you out then he should have made it clear it was going to be a joint date not on him! And maybe if you ask a girl out you should buy her a drink at least.
    My most embarrassing date was a blind date that arrived to take me to the movies in shorts, sandals and a big shaggy sweater and I couldn’t do anything for laughing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · May 26, 2016

      Hahaha! Shame! Being out with an embarrassingly dressed guy is quite bad. The stingy guy was actually filthy rich, he just clearly didn’t like to share. He also asked me on the first date whether he can come in. I said “no” so he asked “What about next time?”. It wasn’t my worst date, though. My worst date was with a guy who was telling me about his colonoscopy! Gross!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s