Faking It

Fake

In last week’s post we discussed the human desire for mind blowing bedroom action and how sometimes the act falls short of our great (s) expectations. While the importance of sexual compatibility seems to be debatable, I think it’s fair to say that, unlike in the movies, it is not possible for the sex to be filthy hot on every occasion.

On that note, today I want about to discuss those such instances when all that rolling under the covers doesn’t culminate in the Big O and one is forced to fake it! If you want to act all innocent and pretend to not know what I am on about then I’ve included a picture from the classic movie When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan makes a scene in the deli to demonstrate that act of faking it (just to jog your memory).

I think most sexually active ladies will admit to having faked an orgasm once or twice in their lives. (According to the stats around 25% of women fake it – shocking!). Naturally, reasons vary from one person to the next – maybe you want inflate your partners ego (having to deal with a man who has doubts about his abilities in the bedroom could end up being a much bigger issue in the long run), maybe you want to unleash your inner actress and play pornstar for the night or perhaps you’ve had a hard day at the office or run a marathon and you just don’t have the energy to keep at it!

While I don’t think that faking it once in a while is necessarily the greatest evil known to man, I do think that making a habit of it could be a cause for concern on many. Firstly, faking it with someone you are not particularly fond of not only boosts a guy’s ego but perpetuates his own misconception that he has ‘moves’ in the bedroom. When this bad sex arrangement you have got going eventually comes to an end (which is inevitably will) all your screaming and faking would have served to do is inflict great disappointment upon the next unfortunate chick who happens to fall into the bed of this poorly-skilled fella.

Now let’s take it a step further. What happens when you start faking it are in a committed relationship and it’s not a just one off? Justify it any which way you want but faking an orgasm is just a form of deception. And what does this say about the faker? If a person can lie about what is essentially one of the most intimate aspects of relationship what else are they lying about? Whats not to say that they are not busy looking elsewhere for more exciting prospects – Ashley Madison maybe? Hmm…this really does open up a massive can of worms!

Then again, we can’t solely blame the boys for bad times in the bedroom, now can we? I’ve heard many stories (told by the scorned ex-boyfriends in most cases) about chicks who unable to reach that elusive O with anything other than a battery operated device. Perhaps, it’s just me and my limited experience, but this kind of thing screams out for a need for a little introspection (and maybe a need for a sex therapist). Jokes aside, it could actually be a medical condition so if good sex is something that matters to you, then it be worth seeking professional help.

To conclude my little Thursday rant, what happens in the bedroom should happily stay there. It’s not for me and the blogosphere to judge. But at the end of the day, its up to each individual and their partner to decide how important carnal pleasures are to the future success of their relationship. Sure, not everybody is a sex-crazed Mr Grey (with a special room for all his special toys) and so maybe the Big O isn’t a priority but for those who do care I don’t think faking it is really an effective long-term solution to the problem and an over-reliance on one’s acting abilities in the bedroom might only come to haunt you further down the line.

Now Dear Rinsers be brave and share your stories in the comments below. How important is the Big O? Have you ever faked it (and don’t lie to me!)? What were your reasons? And is faking an orgasm nothing more than a white lie or could it be the first step in the slippery slope of deceit and betrayal? Does faking it in the bedroom have the potential to do more harm than good for a long-term relationship?

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57 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · April 28, 2016

    I think you touched on something about faking being a form of lying and deception especially when it is with someone you have feelings for …I guess the question begs have a had a woman fake it on me ???LOL

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

      It depends on how good an actress she was 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 28, 2016

        So true but …I guess no one really wants to know if someone has faked it . It is so demoralizing to anyone if it is trud.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

        Exactly!! So its understandable why chicks do it…but I guess there is scope for the faking it to get our of hand!

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

        Exactly…it’s best not to pry. The faker eventually comes unstuck I guess.

        Liked by 2 people

      • bklynboy59 · April 28, 2016

        I still think you hit on a good subject. Nice job

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

        Thanks. I am glad you approve. Would you be keen to write a guest post for us in a couple of weeks?

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 29, 2016

        Sure I would be honored 🙂 what would you like me to write about?

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

        Yay! You can choose…whatever you feel would be topical. Maybe offer some male perspectives on the issues we talk about. Why don’t you email us – rinsebeforeuse@gmail.com

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 29, 2016

        Ok …my pleasure we will talk via soon

        Liked by 2 people

    • kalliepygus · April 28, 2016

      So I absolutely refuse to fake an orgasm now. I did a lot of faking when I was young and first getting sexual though. I was a terrible actress at first, but then I got really good at faking. I blew the mind of one of my guy friends who said that he doesn’t think any woman has faked it. We have had sex several times the year before, and he has made me orgasm, I never faked it with him up until that point. I took advantage of his cockiness, slept with him to prove that there is no way he could know if a woman faked it if she was good enough at faking it. When we had sex, I didn’t do the overacting moaning and screaming. I moaned slightly, but not crazy, I arched my back, tensed up my muscles, breathed heavier, and added some kegels for vaginal contractions. He was basically bragging about how he could still make me cum, I then revealed to him that I faked it. He didn’t know what hit him. From there on,he didn’t know what was real when it came to the women he slept with.

      Liked by 4 people

      • bklynboy59 · April 28, 2016

        Ouch what a blow to his ego. The drawback to that is he will not trust any one or he will question whether or not if he satisfied someone and will feel…that person is lying to him.

        Liked by 2 people

      • kalliepygus · April 28, 2016

        We’re still friends. I think he’s over it. I like to think I helped him because now he is more likely to ask and communicate with the women he sleeps with to see what they like. He knows I think he’s wonderful in bed, I have no doubts in his capabilities to make someone orgasm, but it definitely made him think twice about bragging about his abilities.

        Liked by 3 people

      • bklynboy59 · April 28, 2016

        So in your case the end justified the means…it made him a little more humble

        Liked by 3 people

      • kalliepygus · April 28, 2016

        Exactly. I didn’t do it maliciously, I did it to help him.

        Liked by 3 people

      • bklynboy59 · April 29, 2016

        Well consider him helped lol

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

        Excellent move! Well done for putting him in his place. Hopefully in the long run you’ve helped him !

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Tjunxn · April 28, 2016

    I’ve honestly never faked it, my real orgasms are so intense that it would be impossible for me to fake one…besides, I’d much rather he be aware that I did not. I’m not here to stroke his ego, we both know the end game here…and if he can’t do his job properly then he needs to be made aware of it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

      Lol !!! I like how you describe it as ‘his job’…at least you are making it clear where you stand, ‘cuddles’ are clearly no compensation 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tjunxn · April 29, 2016

        At the end of the day, I really require the male to have said orgasm…so when I choose physical intimacy, he best believe he has a job to do. And of course, I’d prefer a glass of wine, but I like cuddles and sleep overs too…I try not to make it a habit for the risk of giving the wrong impression and all…but I love them as much as the next woman.

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

        At least you admit to liking cuddles. I am tired of the ‘sexually-liberated’ WISO type who say they are OK with casual sex…when actually they want the fairytale like us all.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tjunxn · April 29, 2016

        I like holding hands too…it takes me a few minutes to process the breaking of my personal space issues…but when I’m in it I am in it to win it…also, making peace with knowing that “love” is in actual fact an action movie as opposed to a fairytale makes things so much easier 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

        Love that last line 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. EinsteinOfRap · April 28, 2016

    Faking “the big o” is cruel in my opinion. I get it though, the girl doesnt want the guy to feel bad but I would be more insulted if she were faking it. Why? Because like u said, if they’re lying under the sheets, who knows what else they lie about? I like women to be truthful with me, straight up. Lifes too short to be living in lies.
    I have never faked it, mainly because truthfully, i have very little experience with sex and by very little i mean none. My reasons for that is because i’ve dated very few women and the relationships dont last long enough for me to get into the sex part. Also, im not one to be swinging, having one night stands, thats just not my thing. Faking an orgasm is the frsAnd is faking an orgasm nothing more than a white lie or could it be the first step in the slippery slope of deceit and betrayal because as i said, as a human being, id prefer my future sexual partner to be honest with me and if i happen to be bad at sex, well, i can fix it through trial and error to say the least but eventually, ill be good at it. Faking it in the bedroom has the potential to do more harm than good for a long-term relationship because say you’re in a relationship for over 2 years. Everything is great, your partner has met your parents, they adore him/her and everything is kosher. Then out of nowhere, you two get into a argument about something like, “your parents think im too good for you!” Which somehow turns into her/him saying “I’ve been faking every orgasm ever since we started sex!!” At that point, its like wow. Low blow + fetal position lol. But yeah, dont fake it, be honest. Check our my blog, visit einsteinofrap.wordpress.com if you’re into rap music stuff. Aside from quoting books, i write articles on rappers like Kanye West, J. Cole, and more!

    -Stay Zen,

    EinsteinOfRap

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

      Thanks for your comment.

      I agree with you even a white lie can be dangerous. But dealing with a man with a dented ego is pretty tough as well, I guess.

      Hope you’ll keep following!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Emmi2015 · April 28, 2016

    From my ‘Forced Orgasms’ post to faking the big O. 😀 Well, I’ve faked most of my orgasms until I was 24 or something. It was just something that I felt was expected of me but for some reason or another I couldn’t reach orgasm for real. I agree with you on the account of by faking it, I wasn’t giving the guy room for improvement. But of course it’s not always the man’s fault. Women are quite more complex than men when it comes to the big O, first and foremost us ladies have to know our own body. Cos counting on meeting a guy who immediately knows our buttons better than we do, well it’s not really realistic, is it now. 😀

    Pressure to perform is the kryptonite for my Os, once I feel pressured, I might as well kiss the big O goodbye for the night. So I kinda understand why some women have the need to fake it. It’s usually easier faking it than telling a guy ‘yeah, not gonna happen tonight’. And not all men take it well, some take it personally. Before blaming everything on the males, just flip the sides for a second. I think most women would take it personally if their men don’t come, right? And poor men, they can’t really fake it either. 😀

    Let’s just all keep in mind, we are all different, and orgasms don’t necessarily equal good sex for some of us. For me orgasms are just a tiny part of my sex life, it sure is fun to come, but my sexual satisfaction is not tied to coming in any way. And funny enough, the same goes with my partner. Sometimes I might come three times during the night while he doesn’t come at all, and vice versa.

    Anyhoo, You have a really interesting blog here. I have to look around. 😀

    Liked by 4 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

      Thanks for your comment. It did make me LOL!

      Glad you enjoyed the blog and I do hope you’ll keep following.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. kalliepygus · April 28, 2016

    An orgasm is not the most important part of sex, the building of intimacy and exploration of each other’s bodies is what sex is, and what also could result in an orgasm when done genuinely. Yes, I have faked it when I was much younger. Reasons were because I was in high school, the sex was never really that great yet, I didn’t know how to better communicate what I needed to get off, guys really wanted to make me cum, but there was no way in hell what they were doing would get me there. Faking orgasms definitely has more potential to do more harm than good for a long-term relationship. If you’re faking it, how do you expect your partner to learn what you like and dislike? Faking an orgasm just teaches your partner that they are already doing things right and they will keep on doing it that way instead of learning what works for you. Instead of faking an orgasm, both parties shouldn’t try to make orgasms the end goal, but a pleasant result when it happens. In the earlier stages of sex with a new partner, this time should be used for exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what each other likes and dislikes by communicating your desires. Everyone is different, so wanting to learn what your partner likes will not only give you the key to unlock their orgasms, it will show that you care about them and that you want to know what they like.

    As for your comments about not being to orgasm without a vibrator, I wouldn’t dismiss the use of vibrators. Some women use vibrators to achieve their first orgasm ever, and that’s awesome for them. Also, sometimes incorporating sex toys can be hot. I would say that if someone is relying on a vibrator to cum, perhaps try to switch it up and try to manually stimulate or have your partner explore you more fully. If someone is having difficulty with this, incorporating a vibrator into the bedroom as a tease, then removing it before orgasm could be a good way, amongst others, to help reteach someone to orgasm without a vibrator. Personally, I don’t need a vibrator to orgasm, but I love incorporating vibrators and other toys into the bedroom, not every time, but definitely when I want to spice things up.

    Liked by 3 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

      Thanks for your comments. Nice point about the vibrator. From what I gather, guys are pretty bleak when their chick can only have a big O when their is a vibrator in the bed. Like I said these guys are very sensitive about their skills.

      Liked by 2 people

      • kalliepygus · April 28, 2016

        Some guys aren’t into vibrators, I get it, but I also don’t think they should take it personally. It’s not about their skills in the bedroom, it’s about what works for the woman they are with. Women are complex, if the woman in question likes to get off with a vibrator, let the woman get off. Have fun with it. Have him use the toys on her, tease her with them, and use a vibrator on her clit while having intercourse. Most orgasms for women are produced through the clit. Penis in vagina sex doesn’t always stimulate the clit properly and sometimes a vibrator can help with this. I think it’s just an added tool to the fun both parties are having. In fact, one of my most recent boys I’ve encountered took me to a sex toy shop right before we had sex for the first time. It was fucking hot as hell! See my most recent post, Red Flags Equal Fun, for all the dirty details:

        https://theboysiencounter.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/red-flags-equal-fun/

        Liked by 2 people

    • sam1128 · April 29, 2016

      I so agree with you in all that you have said.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. zigzagstripes · April 28, 2016

    If a girl doesn’t cum it doesn’t mean it wasn’t good? I’m not a girl so couldn’t say. To some it may be, to some it might be the end of the world. We are all individuals. If a girl needed to cum everytime she had sex with me? I’d use whatever was needed to satisfy her, be it me, toys, jeez fruit and veg if it did the job 😉
    Fake O’s? Don’t do it, if I told you I loved you and didn’t mean it you’d be pissed off! Same thing to a guy. Just be real.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 28, 2016

      No the Big O is not the be all and end all. But good on you for all the effort to satisfy your chicki.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. inhisdefence · April 28, 2016

    I rarely cum Rosie, an orgasm is an elusive thing to me I have had once or twice in my life at most. You are one of the lucky ones! My fake orgasm is epic btw. P x x x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think the importance of an orgasm really depends on the person. I’ve dated women who couldn’t orgasm from penetrative sex, refused to use anything to stimulate their clitoris during sex, and were perfectly okay with having an orgasm post sex. I’ve also dated women who insisted that they have an orgasm during every single sexual encounter (and insisted that I did too).

    Faking an orgasm is another one of those sort of things that just sort of depends on who you’re sleeping with. A one-night stand/fwb/fling? Eh, fake it if you want to/feel the need to. Committed relationship? No, sorry, you should bring it up because when it gets down to it you’re having sex for pleasure (I would hope) so lying about your pleasure is dishonest and just not productive. If you’re going to be with someone, you should be honest about what you like, dislike, and what does (or doesn’t) get you off. Whether you’re a woman sleeping with a man, vice-versa, or any other combination you can think of. I wouldn’t call it betrayal, but it’s a silly lie to keep going when you can just be open about it. It might not harm the relationship but…if you’re going to have sex why mess up the experience by lying?

    Oh and I’ve totally faked an orgasm. Long story short….there was drinking, we had been having sex for way too long and I just wanted to go to bed, she wasn’t anyone I was dating seriously so….faked an orgasm, ran to the bathroom, flushed the condom, slept like a baby 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

      Haha! Thanks for sharing you story 😀 It’s good to know that we are not the only ones faking it !

      Like

  9. singlegirlsinthecity · April 28, 2016

    Faking it indeed is a slippery slope – do it in a somewhat steady relationship (exclusive or casual) and you may risk never having great orgasms at all, because the poor guy never gets constructive feedback with which to improve his moves; on the other hand, to paraphrase and quote Seinfeld, I sometimes use it as a reward or when I just want it to be over quickly, because “sometimes it’s enough already and I just wanna get some sleep” 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

      Yup. Goes back to my point last week about sexual compatibility. Imagine the bleakness of marrying someone you had to fake it with … beyond grim !

      Seinfeld was on point!

      Like

  10. sam1128 · April 29, 2016

    Such great comments on this post. So much good advice love it. You need to some how get this out to all women. Like several others I didn’t o in my early sexual encounters, exciting , pleasant but not earth shattering, neither I or my partners knew the right buttons and they were happy with my reactions although I wasn’t deliberately faking. It certainly wasn’t a Meg Ryan I so love that ! I agree with most of what was said and agree in a long term relationship faking is a real bad idea. Sex in relationships happens in a myriad of situations some of which may be be to do with giving comfort affirming a bond in a way that doesn’t result in an o. So much of sex in the female is caught up in emotions and the mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 29, 2016

      Thanks for your positive comments. I’m glad the post got people talking 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • sam1128 · April 29, 2016

        Me too so important. Still too many women who never experience the joy of a great o and that’s so sad.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. sam1128 · April 29, 2016

    I also wanted to add another dimension to faking an o. How about cybersex? People using a messenger service to text what they would like to do to the other and often send explicit photographs as the virtual sessions progresses. Some men take great pride to being able to bring a woman to orgasm by this method. I did lots of research into this whilst writing Converging Lives. Some people get really into this and mutually wank. I know others who type the words whilst sitting in the living room with a significant other, or drinking wine and watching TV, and pretending to masturbate and climax. In this new cyber world an interesting phenomena.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. georgeqkaplan · April 30, 2016

    I doubt if any woman has bothered to fake an orgasm with me. They either have one or they don’t. Mr first wife never had one no matter what I tried. I was inexperienced and allowed her to blame me for everything. Decades later, she told me she was molested as a child. If I’d known back then, it wouldn’t have made a difference. I didn’t have the skill and knowledge to help her and still don’t know what I could do. Since then, it’s been hit and miss. One woman came quickly and easily. The others not so much. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t, usually after a lot of effort either way. My sense is that a woman must often concentrate mightily to orgasm. A favorite experience in this regard was a 33-year-old who told me not to bother trying, claiming it was impossible for a man to bring her to climax. Her saying, “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop,” after considerable licking was music to my ears. Afterwards, she said, “Now I know why some women want sex all the time.” That was a huge ego boost.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. The Career Ms · May 2, 2016

    What a great post Rosiee – I can’t imagine a women who has not faked it. In all honesty I can only recall 2 maybe 3 guys who were able to make me cum every time. One guy had a particular thing he did with his penis and his thumb which was mind blowing. In fact he was the only guy ever to do this.

    I guess my reasons for faking it was to protect my lovers ego. I would expect most women to feel the same.

    Would love to hear your thoughts on my latest blog post https://careerms.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/the-career-ms-asks-can-you-shock-your-way-to-the-top/comment-page-1/#comment-128

    Keep up the good work adore your blog!

    Careerms.wordpress.com
    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Moose and Michelle · May 3, 2016

    Interesting post. Faking orgasms aren’t necessarily bad – anymore than white lies. Sometimes, I want to see my partner happy that he succeeded in pleasuring me, even though I’m not really close to orgasming. But I agree that making a habit of it is a slippery slope. It’s also a disservice to your partner, who may genuinely be interested in getting you off, because then they don’t know what actually gets your rocks off or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. cleox9 · May 13, 2016

    I lost my virginity in 2002 and faked it for all 8yrs before my first epic orgasm in 2010. Why? At first I didn’t know better and then it was not worth the trouble. I never mentioned it to my ex then…he ended up giving me my first and more ofther that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · May 18, 2016

      I get you. Noone has a clue what they are doing at first … it’s a process I guess and I don’t think that the media helps manage our expectations very well either.

      Like

  16. tutistales · July 28

    I don’t see the benefit to faking it in bed, to either person. You would be deluding yourself and giving false confidence to your partner, rather than working on communicating how to fix the issue. Also, to be quite blunt, I will not ‘act’ as though he did a good job if he did not. Not in a harsh way, but I just don’t see the point of it for everyone. We all deserve a good ‘O’ ,and shouldn’t be afraid to speak up on that 😏😝

    Liked by 1 person

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