The ‘Katie Girl’ – Embracing Your Quirks over Being Tamed

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“The world is made up of two girls, the simple girls and the Katie girls. I’m a Katie girl!”

~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City 

The term ‘Katie Girl’ is a rather obscure reference to a character in 1970’s movie The Way We Were staring Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie (like me) – a ‘Katie Girl’ can be described as a somewhat quirky woman, who men tend to love and have passionate/roller coaster relationships with but eventually ditch for a more ‘normal’/manageable woman (aka Simple Girl).

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such a situation(i.e a ‘Katy Girl’) it’s pretty horrible. One minute you are dating a guy, the chemistry is electrifying, the banter is great and the sex is mind-blowing, then the next thing BOOM he replaces you with a (usually) pretty but insipid sort of girl. It’s almost as you were his guilty pleasure for a short period of time but ultimately he realised that as much fun as things, you were just a little too rough around the edges and he needed to find himself a girl he could take home to meet the parents.

In a relationship things might be a little different. The good days are brilliant and he won’t be able to get enough of you, but on the bad days you’ll be a loggerheads and a visit to hell might even seem like an enticing prospect. Because he does love the ‘Katie Girl’ he’ll stick around a little longer and try to tame her and her crazy ways. But at some point this battle becomes too tough for the ‘big man’ to handle so when a pretty little cookie-cutter girl comes along, he decides to cut his losses, say goodbye to the butterflies and settle for someone who’ll essentially toe the line.

I’m sure that this is something that many of us have experienced ourselves or been witness to. Following such an event it’s natural for a ‘Katy Girl’ to be a bit introspective and wonder why something so good had to end and also why the guy felt the need to downgrade to such a polar opposite kinda chick. If it happens often enough ‘Katy Girls’ eventually start to believe that they are the problem and some may even contemplate ‘selling out’, piping down and essentially becoming the kind of Simple Girl that he’ll get down on one knee for.

I think the thing to remember here is that the ‘Katy Girl’ is not the problem, it’s him. Sure, a strong, independent woman with a mind of her own can be hard to deal with it at time and it’s understandable that a man who wants a quiet life will settle for the Simple Girl. But at the end of the day, the problem is with him. The fact that he is willing to take the easy way out and settle for someone that meets the standards set by mainstream society shows lack of characters. The truth is (and I’m speaking from experience here) that even though he’ll settle for the Simple Girl, it’ll be difficult for him to shake off the effect that ‘Katy Girl’ had on his life. And chances are when you least expect it, he’ll probably rock up at your work place and declare his undying love for you.

I’m not going to sit here and dish out any advice to all of the ‘Katy Girls’ out there (because they are unlikely to be the type that will listen anyway). So I’ll just end by saying that the mission shouldn’t really be about compromising on your quirks in order to have the average man settle down with/for you, but instead it should be about embracing the things that make you stand out from the crowd. At the end of the day Mr Right won’t need to tame you as he’ll be man enough to tolerate your craziness because he’s just as much of an oddball as you are.

OK Rinsers. It’s time for you to have your say. What are your thoughts on ‘Katy Girls’? Do you think girls who are failing at dating should possible tone down their personalities so that guys find them easier to handle? Do you think some men find the more feisty, independent ‘Katy Girl’ a threat to their traditional ideas of manhood?

39 comments

  1. I’m not sure labeling dating a failure is the way to go for one. Second be who you are if you are qurky be qurky. Some men like that and some don’t . Find someone that does . Some men do find a feisty woman too much too handle but not all men are the same or think the same.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. When I said failing in dating… it was in the sense that you date a guy for a bit and he ditches you for a boring girl, and it keeps happening each time – thus you are failing.

    Yup I agree. Society has its views of what makes marriage material. However, we are all individuals so what works for one person won’t work for another.

    In my opinion, if you end up settling for the ‘safe’ option, you’ll eventually get bored especially when you know how good it once was with someone else.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. No toning down who you are for any reason at any point! Settling in any way just to get attention, love, or relations is a slippery slope. Before I want the love of anyone else, I want to love every part of me. Because, I have to go to bed and love with me everyday. If you change who you are to gain someone’s approval, you are giving them way too much power over your happiness. The right guy will appreciate, love, and adore the “Katie Girl.” It just may take a little longer to find him. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This was great! As a bonafide blue-haired Katie girl, I can totally relate. Moral any story….never change who you are for someone else. If they can’t handle your awesomeness, they don’t deserve you!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. “For every bent pot…there’s a bent lid”

    It’s my belief that all too often the idea of “happily ever after” is pulled to the forefront of new relationships, replacing the reality that it’s a process? I’m assuming we are talking “millennial’s” here, in which case my sympathy goes out to you ladies! Your male counterparts are lacking in keeping pace with your accession to a place of equality with these men. Maybe their mothers ruined them with all the pampering? Regardless…stay who you are, and be patient while selecting that special someone 😎

    Liked by 2 people

  6. For the longest time, I would try to tone down my “weirdness” in dates but then I realized I wasn’t being myself. So I don’t think being a “Katie girl” is bad at all. I’ve been rejected for being that girl but I know there is a man out there that will embrace mine and every “Katie girl’s” weird side.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think this is a great example of how women are viewed in society a lot period. Be independent… but not so independent that you don’t have a husband or children. Be smart… but not smart enough to intimidate people. Make your own money… but not enough to scare off potential mates. Voice your opinion… but not loud enough to be considered overly emotional. Why can’t we just be? And why can’t that be okay?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think I might be a Katie girl too. I dated a few guys who were all leading the charge and chasing after me. Things seemed to be going great and then all of the sudden, I was standing there going…um, hello? Where did you go? No explanation and no hint. Just gone. It was very perplexing and I was not sure what I did wrong. When I spoke to a few guy friends about it, there seemed to be a consensus that they freaked out. I was too much for them. I was too energetic. I was too active. I was too organized. I was too successful. Bottom line: I was too independent. This left me scratching my head and not really quite believing it. I thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe I was too much too soon? I do tend to be all in or all out. But it’s not like I was talking marriage, kids and shared accounts. Nor was I asking for them to pay for everything. I was just hey, do you want to do this? Would you like to hang out?

    One of the guys, finally did fess up to me much later. He told me he was a mess and I seemed to have it together, so he felt insecure about dating me because he couldn’t keep up with me and give me what I was accustomed to. Like what? Responses to my questions? Time hanging out with me? It seemed like a BS answer, but as time has passed, he is still in the same mess. He is either incapable of fixing himself or likes living there in misery. I am still happy and outgoing and full of life. But one thing has changed for me since him: I am now dating a man who likes me for me. He is not intimidated by my desire to go on a $15 kayak rental trip one afternoon or too wander around a new town just to see it. Nope, he is not scared. And, he even comes up with his own ideas for us to do too. Bottom line: he is just as independent as me:)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yep. I think that rejection of a ‘Katie Girl’ has a lot to with the guy feeling threatened. But at the end of the day none of us really wants a guy who needs a clingy blank canvas type women to validate their existence. Yup, its about two independent people boosting one another and becoming a power couple rather than some old fashioned notion of a woman being a weakling that will mould to her man.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I think you have to consider a few things, the chemistry and the amazing sex in that initial period is lust and not a pointer to a long term relationship it’s hormones and pleasure and mating. It’s what happens after that. When the rosey glow is less and people look at the other aspects of the other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Read my post about the boomerang relationship…I’m talking beyond the initial attraction – when you leave someone but can’t help going back for more, years after the fact…surely that has to be a little more than lust?

      Like

      • Yes that’s more than lust, maybe we feel it’s unfinished business, or maybe we have just painted that person and the relationship into the ideal…which it was in the beginning,and have blanked out all the cons. Maybe it’s something within us seeking the unattainable…or maybe it’s a belief we shouldn’t truly be loved and we are unconsciously setting ourselves up to fail again.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Also imo you are never going to find ‘the one’ they don’t exist, there are men with a similar mindset that will enjoy the things that you do and will enjoy your independence and quirkiness. Then you both need to work at developing that budding relationship. But remember Katy girl you are independent, fun, not one to take prisoners wanting maybe to get your own way. So do you sometimes come over as selfish.arrogant and demanding? Whilst you don’t need to change your personality you do need to make sure you have good listening skills and that you have a balanced relationship!

    ( hope not going to be shot at dawn for that! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL!!! Don’t worry. I’m not planning to shoot you down….

      You make a good point. Thanks for all your comments. It maybe a bit arrogant…but the kinda trend I’m talking about is when a guy lets you go and replaces you with a more socially acceptable model. That’s a little bit hurtful. But then the ego booze comes further down the track when he actually realises that despite your flaws you were a more fun kinda chick. That’s a nice ego boost if nothing else.

      Regardless, they usually end up marrying the Simple Girls. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  11. It might also be that the men you are dating that dont work out might be of the all or nothing mentality. 9All or nothing thinking is a mindset where someone tends to see things as black and white. Someone can be a great,sexy funny and do a bunch of great things. But as you do something wrong or make a mistake, that mistake becomes magnified and somehow undoes all the good.
    This thinking causes all sorts of problems in relationships, as all people have strengths and weaknesses, good sides and bad sides. In all relationships mistakes will invariably be made. But for someone with all or nothing thinking, any mistakes or flaws by their partner become magnified, and become “proof” that there is something wrong with the relationship or that their partner is not “the one”.
    And the Katy girl is unique and has different behaviour to the norm and this can be seen as a long term flaw by the man with the Conservative core!
    What do you think?

    Like

  12. So, full disclosure I’d never seen the film “The Way We Were” but it did provide some insight/context into the Katie Girl archetype…so here’s what I think:

    1. Never change who you are to fit into a mold. Whether you’re a Katie contemplating becoming a Simple Girl, or vice versa

    2. Don’t date people who would want you to fit into a mold. If you’re a Katie, don’t date Simple Guys, and vice versa. Whatever the male version of a Katie is, don’t date Simple girls.

    3. The more dynamic you are as a person, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation, the harder it will be for you to date. It doesn’t make you a failure, or bad at it, just know that it’s harder to date when you don’t appeal to a broad set of people. Vanilla remains a popular ice cream flavor, and most people have eaten it and will continue to eat it. Some people, a smaller subset, prefer rocky road. They’re harder to find, but worth holding out for.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. That’s funny, the Simple Girl my guy left me for was named Katie. Aren’t they always, lol? Katie, Sarah, Amy, Becky, Biffy, Bunky… to me, the key is never date this kind of guy. He’s going to flee you for mayonnaise. The Gap girl. The Basic B*tch. This is fine, but my question is… Once they marry them, which they always do… Why do they then try to cheat Simple with women like us? The ones they left behind in the first place?

    Ladies and gentlemen… “The Rational Sex” ROTFLMAO

    Liked by 1 person

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