‘Starter’ Marriages – Divorced @ 30

YD

When scouring online dating listings it’s natural for us to somewhat sub-consciously impose filters to narrow down our choices. I think one of the first things many of us will do, once we’ve spotted someone we find physically attractive, is attempt to establish the extent of their baggage.

By our 30s, all of us, except the socially-inept and those still holding onto their V-card, will have accumulated some baggage but the truth is some have it worse than others. Having a couple of kids in tow is likely to put many single ladies off even the most dashing baby daddy. But there is a less clear-cut forms of baggage that I want to discuss today, namely, the Young Divorcee –  those that have ‘starter’ marriages and get divorce in their 20s (apparently, the highest divorce rates are amongst couples in their 20s – yay for getting old!).

Theoretically, it shouldn’t be a big deal, especially if they don’t come equipped with kids. In fact, if you are in the market for a long term relationship, the fact that a person has been married in the past shows that they are not afraid of commitment (maybe they just made a bad judgement call on who they wanted to be committed to?). Anyway, some of us have half decade long relationships which actually end up being longer than many marriages, so does that mean in some cases a break-up can be the equivalent to a divorce? Hmm…it’s worth thinking about.

I don’t really have a problem with the whole concept of divorce. I don’t think any of us who is out there living our lives and having human relationships are really in a position to judge. People are unpredictable and circumstances change – when relationships end we can either look at it as a mistake and continuing dwelling on the past, laying blame, etc. or a life experience that we learn something from.

Divorces (just like break-ups) do make me sad, especially those that take place at such a young age where I believe it could have potentially been avoidable. I mean, in the case of these Young Divorcees I have to wonder what was the need to get married so young? I’m not saying there is a best age at which to tie the knot but I can’t help but think that entering into a such a formal arrangement before you have fully established yourself as a person can and does often (as the stats show) end in disaster. Our late teens and 20s can be a tumultuous time but this is also a period in our lives where we can enjoy our newfound independence without being burdened by serious things like marriage, mortgages and children.

For much of what I’ve seen this pressure to get married young and start living a wholesome life – babies, house in the suburbs etc. comes from religion (across the board, not any one faith in particular). In my own circles, I can think of many people who got married as soon as was legally possible simply in order to have some bedroom experiences. But really, do people feel the need to go through all that bureaucracy in order to scratch that itch in a guilt free manner and have their relationship legitimized in the eyes of God?

Furthermore, doesn’t this rushed marriage (and subsequent quick divorce) simply show a lack of respect for and understanding of the institution of marriage? This may be an oversimplification but surely God (who is unlikely to be a fan of divorce) would rather have his people live in sin a little longer instead of making bad decision?

Yes. I know that we can’t blame the Young Divorcee problem solely on the Big G.  We have free will and sometimes when we are young it’s easy to get caught up in the moment. However, I still think pressure to conform to the moral standards established by certain religious/cultural groups has a big part to play in this trend. And quite frankly, I think it would be nice to see religion getting with the programme, and giving young people the opportunity to enjoy some fun times because actually it might just save everyone the heartache in the long run.

Rinsers, what are your thoughts on ‘starter’ marriages? Is getting married young a recipe for disaster? Is it wrong to dismiss divorce as being nothing more than a break-up with a bureaucratic nightmare attached? Do you think there is something more at fault than religion?  Or are you a Young Divorcee with some real life insights to share on this topic? Answers in the comments below.

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49 comments

  1. ljbentley27 · April 7, 2016

    This is really interesting. I spent my twenties discovering who I was. I changed so much during that period and I certainly can’t imagine myself being married at that young an age. My sister was engaged by the age of eighteen but she had the sense to know that the man she was going to marry wasn’t for her and she called it off. We, as humans, evolve with every changing day – especially during this period of our lives – that, to me, it seems insensible to be married that young.

    I don’t oppose marriage and would like to be married myself one day but I think that sometimes it is the wedding that is the focus rather than the 50+ years that come after. Marriage is more than a wedding and I personally think that we are sometimes blinded by the shininess of the day. 🙂 x

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

      Maybe it’s the excitement of a wedding that makes these young things rush down the aisle. In you late teens/20s I think the idea of a long-engagement can be a good middle ground. In that it shows commitment but also gives them some extra time to consider how serious they are and whether they actually want to commit to marriage so early in life.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Jasmine Deku · April 7, 2016

    In my opinion, a lot of us have totally misunderstood what marriage is actually about, there are so many of us out there who have decided, ‘if i get married and my partner messes up, i’ll just pack up and leave’. That very thought is a recipe for divorce, you are so willing to let go so you are not pushed to fight, about getting married just so you can have sex and not sin against God, (i’m not supporting fornication though) what do you do when you get married and realize your partner cannot give you the sexual satisfaction or expectation you wanted?. Listen, marriage is A LIFELONG AFFAIR. There isn’t supposed to be a loophole or a way out. do not worry about growing old, be patient, when you meet someone, bear in mind, love is not the only thing that will make the marriage survive, at a point it’ll be the least thing you need, you should be with someone whose flaws you can tolerate, someone you are willing to stand by for better for worse (trust me a lot of people underestimate what for better for worse could mean). Think of the worse thing that can happen and ask if you’ll be willing to stand by your partner, have you learnt patience, tolerance, care, forgiveness, understanding, have you realized your life can change drastically, before you get married, think through carefully and get married with the intention that no matter how hard it gets, you are going to fight on the side of your partner to make it work. Great piece English Rosie, thank you

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

      Thanks for the comment. I’m glad you liked the post.

      I agree that marriage vows are complex and serious things that people don’t necessarily think about enough when they plan a wedding.

      I do think though the people shouldn’t feel pressured to get married just to have sex. Fornication is fine. Its better that they have sex before marriage, than divorce after – right? I expect it’ll be a lot less painful that way 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. K.Stott-Andrew · April 7, 2016

    This was a great read. Some very interesting points. I got married at the age of 17. Seven years later, and I am still very happily married.

    However, I didn’t marry simply to legitimise a relationship. I also didn’t make the decision based on a whimsical love I had found. With the guidance of my mum and a clear picture of the type of man I want to be married to, I had an arranged marriage.

    Not forced.

    I was involved in every single decision. I didn’t like the guy my parents found? We moved onto the next one. What I loved about my experience, was that all cards were on the table. I asked my potential husband about his future plans, his ideas on children, travel, building a home. I even quizzed him on the marriages of the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H). I wanted to be sure he understood how a wife should be respected and cherished, just like I would respect and cherish him.

    Some people believe this takes all the romance of it. I disagree. By making sure compatibility and practical considerations are taken care of, romance is allowed to blossom and makes way for a successful marriage.

    We still have a long way to go after only 7 years and marriage is nor easy. But we are always compatible as friends. We have a partnership, companionship and romance. We are a team and that’s what a marriage should be.

    I don’t think marrying young, alone, is responsible for divorce rates. But I do believe the method, wrong intentions and naivety have a lot to do with it.

    Just my thoughts 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

      Thanks for your comment.

      I have to admit that I am one of those airy-fairy girls that believes in fairy tales and such…so the thought of arranged marriages makes me sad, but I guess in many cases they work. And the truth is that stats don’t show the whole pictures…e.g. some people can have a long marriage which is unhappy, we automatically see divorce as a bad thing – but is it really?

      It was good to get your insights about marrying young though. I guess it can work for some people though. But I think that they way society is at the moment young people have a lot of choice in front of them…and marriage is just one of many options, something which they can later throw away. So unlike previous generations, we seem less inclined to stick at it.

      Hope you’ll keep reading and following our blog. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • K.Stott-Andrew · April 7, 2016

        I definitely will! I’ve always been swept up by the fairytale side of things as well. And I’m still living my fairy tale, it just started after the wedding rather than before it. I tried “finding love” the conventional way and I got really hurt. I felt like my arranged marriage protected me from heartache but also gave me the freedom and excitement that comes with finding a spouse.

        Keep writing! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

        Thanks 🙂

        But what do you think about the role religion/culture plays in people getting married young? Do you think its part of the pressure?

        Liked by 1 person

      • K.Stott-Andrew · April 7, 2016

        I can only speak for Islam, but the pressure to marry young is reducing (in Western societies, anyway). There is more focus on getting a University education first. I faced a lot of criticism from mainly the Muslim community when I decided I wanted to get married young. I think the pressure exists mainly in more cultural societies and places like Pakistan and Bangladesh.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Christina · April 7, 2016

    I have to start out by saying I am not a fan of divorce. I don’t think it’s good. Just like abortion. I don’t think it’s a good thing. There are always other options. But sometimes, for whatever reasons, people do not choose the other options. But here I am divorced. And one of my closest friends has had an abortion. I still love myself and I still love her. I guess what I am saying is that while we should not condemn people who choose either of those things, we also should not encourage it or pretend as if it’s no big deal, chalk it up to mistakes in our pursuit of happiness. Because they are big deals.
    I personally think abstinence is a beautiful thing although I have another friend who would like to throw her shoe at me when I say this. It’s also easy for me to say because I’ve experienced the sexual act with more than one person. But you know what? I wish I hadn’t. I didn’t gain anything except to have those experiences ingrained in my being which inevitably becomes more baggage.
    As for God, from my understanding of scripture, God does not prefer one sin to avoid another. Again, my friends who are not Christians laugh at me, but I trust that God imposes rules to live by for a reason, namely to spare us the pain we are so eager to inflict on ourselves. I think that the rules can be manipulated by man but what I do know is that sex outside of marriage is a sin in the eyes of God. I can understand the reasons for this. Just think, there would be no stds, no daddyless children, in many instances no abortions, etc.. I also watched a documentary which explains one of the reasons we have orgasms. They help to bond us to that person. Now imagine having sex with seven, eight, nine people and then you get married. You’ve already “bonded” yourself to nine people. What is really left for your husband or wife?
    Those are just my thoughts but I am far from perfect. There is a part of me that would love nothing more than to fall into bed with someone. But it’s just a part. There is a bigger part that realizes that I am not going to get what I am looking for by doing that.
    If I could teach my daughter anything it is to be patient. It would be to respect her body and to ultimately find a man who truly loves God (if he truly loves God then he will truly show her love) and to wait until she is married to enjoy sex. Hopefully she will learn from my mistakes. But whatever she chooses, I will love her always.
    Your article really got me thinking : )

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

      Glad the article got you thinking and thanks for your insights. 😀

      I’d like to believe there is a happy medium between the virgin who lacks experience and the ‘sexually-liberated’ person who has slept with everyone and everything. I think both extremes are bad – I think a few experiences, even if they are not all 100% legit in the eyes of God can be good experiences but I am not advocating lots of meaningless sex either… I don’t believe that’ll get you very far.

      Divorce/Abortion are options that we’d ideally not like to take. But in a way the fact that they are available makes it easier for people to get married/have unprotected sex without weighing up the consequences fully.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. anotherstander · April 7, 2016

    I can’t help but cringe at the reference to my children being baggage. It does help me understand the level of rejection I’ve experienced on dating sites, though. It just serves to reinforce the injustice of the whole situation. I know so many other men and women whose spouses just “got bored” and decided to leave them for someone else that is “more exciting”. These people did not ask to be divorced. Did I ever expect to be divorced in my late 30’s with two young children? No. Heck, I worked at my marriage. I was a flower’s, random gifts, daily notes, and regular dates Husband. I did dishes, helped care for the kids, and was present and available. I did not want a divorce, and was forced through one against my will.

    Now, I’m staring down the barrel of 40 in 19 days, I have a 4-year-old and an 8-year-old, and apparently that makes me someone with baggage. This world is so broken and messed up on so many levels. Thankfully, I’ve met someone else, who also has baggage. God willing, we can make something of this.

    Good luck and God Bless to all my fellow baggage-carrying divorcee’s out there. May you be blessed to meet someone who is not too shallow to see your value.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

      The truth is we all have baggage. If it is isn’t children, it’s emotional issues which can sometimes be worse because they only emerge further down the track once you are invested in the relationship. You’d hope people with children would tell you about them for the get go!

      May be using the term baggage for children is a bit harsh. While there are lots of people out there who don’t mind having other peoples kids in the picture. I think the truth is the majority of people do have a ‘perfect’ image of what a family should be and usually that means having their own children without having to play step-mum or daddy’s girlfriend. I also think my attitude to other people’s children being seen as baggage will change if I am still single at 40…At 30 it still seems reasonable to want it all.

      Like

  6. I can’t speak for whether or not getting married young is inherently bad, or if we take divorce too lightly, but I will say as a single guy in his early 30s, I would have exactly no problems with dating a divorcee. A divorce is clearly bigger than a break up, but it’s also still just a break up. I’ve known people who’ve never been divorced but who have the baggage of what is essentially an ex-spouse and I know divorcees who have never once discussed their ex-spouse because they’re so far removed/not baggage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2016

      Think you make a good point. Sometimes break-up baggage can be worse than divorce baggage – possibly because break-ups can sometimes come very suddenly while the bureaucratic quagmire of a divorce can maybe sometimes give things/issues some extra time to settle.

      Liked by 2 people

    • honey@honeygilmer.com · April 8, 2016

      I help facilitate a Divorce Recovery group. It is not “just a break up.” I see shattered lives of men and women; children on the brink of suicide. It’s bad. Very bad.

      Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · April 8, 2016

        But with people having such short marriages….is it much different? Isn’t the more mature thing to do live in sin till you are bit.older instead of rushing and.getting divorced?

        Like

      • I guess I should have said “Some divorces are very bad, and some are not, like any other type of breakup”. I don’t believe that divorces or break ups are inherently inconsequential, I believe that there is a range of experiences to be had in divorces and breakups. Besides the fact that divorce is formalized and legally important, its still a type of a breakup. I don’t mean to imply that it’s not a big deal, but it can also not be a big deal, depending on the circumstances. For every situation where there are shattered lives, what about all the amicable divorces? For every breakup that was just one person ghosting the other, what about the ones where they’ve been together for 20 years and there are kids involved?

        The things you described, shattered lives, people on the brink of suicide, are things that can happen after a divorce (or not), but can also happen after a breakup (or not). The only person I know who committed suicide did so after a breakup, not a divorce. My grandparents were married in the 60s, split up in the 70s, and got divorced in 2008 when they finally got around to it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 12, 2016

        You made some good points. Thanks.

        I think the situation for our grandparents. More people got married young than they do now. But I think that was partly because they had fewer options in terms of life paths. With women’s liberation, technological developments and globalization young people have lots of options – they essentially find their soul mate on the other side of the road without just settling for the best guy in their small town. Women can choose to focus on their career before marriage and kids. And lots of young people choose to spend their youth travelling and discovering ourselves.

        Sadly, our grandparents didn’t have the same opportunities. While some may have been persuaded to get married young because of religion, I think it was generally the norm, whether or not you were very religious.

        And yet, these marriages seemed to last longer. Maybe because they weren’t always going after something bigger and better like we do.

        I think there has to be a happy medium. Young people should get to pursue their interests and become mature before they settle down. However, after those ‘glory’ years, I think if you do get married/have kids you should be better prepared to do that properly as well, knowing that you’ve lived your life and made the right choice.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Plectrumm · April 7, 2016

    “Maturity is a byproduct of growth, not years lived. That being said, when two people align themselves for happily ever after, they assume both will grow and flourish at a similar rate? What happens when they don’t quite start at the same place, or grow at the same rate? There’s a lot of maturity potential between 20 and 30, 30 and 40…and suddenly what seemed like death do us part, doesn’t really fit any more”

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 8, 2016

      Exactly a 30 year divorcee has more experience than a 40 year old virgin and sure the divorce was more painful, but even bad experiences teach us important lessons. Yup ppl grow and discover themselves at different rates but it isn’t it better to figure thingd out.before getting married?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Plectrumm · April 8, 2016

        It’s my belief that understanding one’s self is vital to engaging others for who they are all prior to waking up married? The best advice I’ve ever heard about marriage was…

        …”marriage is 100% compromise by both sides, if not, someone always feels taken advantage of”

        Liked by 1 person

  8. honey@honeygilmer.com · April 8, 2016

    I also was married in my 20s and divorced in my 30s with two kids. My stance is that God made sex for marriage only. He also hates divorce. Matthew 19:6 says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” These days, the world just assumes if you’re dating, you’re sleeping together and it BREAKS MY HEART! I learned so much in the 19 years that I was divorced. I learned God’s desires for me and every woman. It was such a burden on my heart, that I actually wrote a book entitled, “Godly Women Waiting for Godlly Men.” (Misspelling intentional). Do I think “starter marriages” are a good idea? No. I think a long, celibate courtship will have greater chance of lasting “until death do you part.”

    Liked by 1 person

  9. EnglishRosiee · April 8, 2016

    Yes a long celibate courtship maybe the ideal. But we are human and hormones are in play. If people act in a responsible way…what’s really wrong with sex before marriage? Is it really worse than divorce? How about if you wait till after marriage and find you are not sexually compatible? Why doesn’t God just let grown adults have sex in a responsible way without this pressure to legitimise a completely natural thing by having to tie the knot?

    Like

  10. Philip Jorgensen · April 9, 2016

    I see a great deal of human reasoning on here and not enough of how God has told us to live. Marriage was established when the world was created by God. Adam and Eve were real people like us that God created. If you haven’t read it lately, I want to encourage you to read the first two chapters of Genesis and see how perfectly God made everything and why he created man and woman. I’m concerned because the author of this piece continues to encourage sin by means of human reason and fails to point out what God has clearly stated in His word, the Bible. The one verse that I think most clearly states how we are to live as God has directed us is found in the book of Hebrews. In chapter thirteen and verse four the author declares “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Our shallow view of marriage and sexuality in general is what we need to focus on changing. This will lend itself to less divorce and less fornication and adultery which our God hates. A Christian’s desire is to please God and as difficult a battle that may be, victory is obtainable because of the work of Christ and specifically the work He does in every believer in making them more like Him after we are made right with Him through salvation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 11, 2016

      Thanks for your comment. I am not trying to say that God holds a gun to a young persons head and forces them to get married. But there is certainly pressure coming from religion or the congregation.

      While I don’t think God is the only factor in divorce rates being so high among 20 somethings I do believe there are benefits of living together before marriage in that people can figure out whether marriage is for them before taking the plunge and subsquently having to deal with issues once the papers have been signed and getting out is more of a mission.

      ‘fornicators will be judged’??? Sure adultery (whether married or not is wrong) but maybe it’s time to lighten up when it comes to sex. As long as person takes the necessary precautions, sex isn’t a bad thing. It’s better than suppressing an urge that is natural only to have it reemerge in a more perverse way.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

    wow you got a lot of comments on this subject very good job in raising tough subject. So are you ready for my thoughts? LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 12, 2016

      Always. Go for it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        I married at 21 had our first child at 22, had our last child at 33 and stayed married for 32 years until we divorced in 2013. So to your point on marrying young as why people divorce it isn’t true in every case. Some wait until older and divorce still happens. But why blame God for that? I am not clear why you would go that route.

        Like

      • EnglishRosiee · April 12, 2016

        In your case, I am not sure what your reasons were for getting married young. But from my experience lots of people who get married young tend to be the religious type. Those that have been told that living in sin’ is BAD and sex before marriage is BAD. There comes are point where normal people want to take their relationship to the next level but religion acts as a barrier and the only way they can overcome it is to get married. For these types of people, marriage legitimises living together/having sex…but these are not good reasons to get married and then issues arise ultimately this leads to DIVORCE. I’m not saying that all divorces are because of religion but I think a lot of them are. I think its better to let people live together/have sex responsibly than pressure them into getting married. If relgion just changed with the times and let people embrace modern ways of living then maybe it would save young people some heartache in the long term.

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        I married young because I loved her and she loved me … getting divorced was because we grew apart in later years and I admittedly became attracted to someone else that I continued seeing after ending the marriage. But your point about religion changing with the times isn’t something I don’t agree with. God set the standards which religion claims to uphold, there a lot of downside to people living together without being married too so lets be fair. Divorces are not because of religion but because we as imperfect humans change.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 12, 2016

        Like I said religion is not the only factor in a divorce. Young marriages break because people are still establishing themselves in those years. People should be encouraged to wait a while for marriage even if that means having sex before marriage or living together. But religion won’t allow it.

        Religion isn’t the cause of young marriages breaking up but it is a factor is pushing ppl to get married to quickly. I think if you look at the situation I a large number of those marrying young are the religious types not the more liberal minded people.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        Young marriages break because of the immaturity and yes many are not equip to handle the challenges of marriage and that goes even for those who wait a while. What is a factor that pushes ppl to get married young is the belief that life is short and their clock is ticking not religion

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      • EnglishRosiee · April 12, 2016

        I don’t think any 21 needs to be worried about their biological clock. That worry kicks in during your 30s. Even if that is their concern…it can’t be their reason for marriage. Who tells them having kids out of wedlock is wrong? Religious communities (and other archaic cultural norms).

        I’m not telling these ppl to procreate…something I think again should be left a while but they shouldn’t feel that getting married will make having a child at a young age more legit. I personally don’t really advocate having kids without being married but my reasons are because having kids out.of wedlock just confuses ppl when it comes to parental rights, etc but this is not the same argument that a religion would use. But having kids when you are still a child yourself is wrong full stop….doesn’t really matter if God approves or not.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        So what happens when police have multiple kids in multiple relationships? Isn’t that more of what we see more of now?

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        Correct 21 no clock was ticking for me. I married because I truly loved her and wanted to spend my life with her which I did for 30 plus years. That’s what I felt not because I felt pressured. Granted not everyone marries for love

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        And you picked quite a topic today

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        I was with you until the last line…it does matter especially if you feel God Matters

        Like

      • EnglishRosiee · April 12, 2016

        OK sure, maybe a bit harsh to tell religious people God doesn’t matter.

        But let me justify. People shouldn’t make life decisions based on a fear of God. Don’t get married because you fear God wouldn’t approve of you living in sin. If you want to have sex before marriage, go ahead … but educated yourself on the consequences of your actions and use protection (so you don’t have multiple kids with different Dads). What I am saying is people need to do what’s right for them, without worrying about fear of being judged by standards set in a bygone era.

        Liked by 2 people

      • bklynboy59 · April 12, 2016

        You have all the answers especially for not having multiple dad’s. I only wish it was that simple but that’s not really what is happening. It’s obvious you’re not a people who feels the need to live by old standards. But one thing your view isn’t new and isn’t all that modern. There is an expression there is nothing new under the sun.while you may not feel you need to feel you need to fear God or live by standards of a by gone Era many others still do. You are a bit harsh in your statements and perhaps reconsider that your point of view could be more tactful

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 13, 2016

        I’ll try to be more tactful but I feel sorry for people being pressured into conforming for the sake of moral standards set by religion which then comes back to slap them in the face. I am not saying everything about the modern way of doing things is correct but just that sometimes standards need to change to accommodate new trends. Old fashioned romance is great and I do often talk about things being better in our grandparents generation – but that doesn’t mean we can/will do things the same now.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · April 13, 2016

        I respect what you say but I disagree respectfully. You can’t have it both ways . You can’t say I want old fashion love then reject old fashion ways as obsolete . The very thing you despise saying that no one should conform to religious beliefs and be free sexually you in turn do by insisting that someone who doesn’t conform to the way you feel about religion sex and God needs to change and get with the times. That doesn’t seem balanced.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · April 14, 2016

        Of course we can have the best of both worlds. The old fashioned values I like are not necessarily the same ones that religions promote.

        I think though…we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one as we might end up going around in circles otherwise.

        Like

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  14. bebeliebe · April 21, 2016

    Ha! Right on 🙌🏼 😂

    I am one of those… Married & divorced in my 20’s & for my case in particular you hit the nail on the head… It was G’s fault we got married so young… Well… Technically… I have had relationships longer than my marriage, but there was no less love in either of those than the 8month love affair I have most recently split up from… I fell pregnant at 24, the guy was Christian… Shotgun, end of story… Well until we actually did love each other for a while, then have another baby THEN drove each other bananas and THEN end of story… At 30. Ohhhhh the shit I copped from all sorts of friends & family, “Do you WANT to be a single mother at 30?” – “you’re seriously getting a divorce because you’re UNHAPPY in your marriage?” Etc etc etc… Judgement from left right and centre about LEAVING my Husband, from people who are STAYING with their Husbands who have a) cheated on them, b) punched them, c) treated them like slaves or d) raped them. No I am not kidding. Actually raped them. And I am the one being judged for choosing happiness over a vow? Hmmm it really has to be case by case, but thank you for making me laugh & reminding me that I am not the only one!

    Like

  15. EnglishRosiee · April 21, 2016

    Hey,

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s good to hear from people with real life experience. Rather than just those armed with the Bible as ammunition.

    I guess the best thing we can do is understand the people make mistakes when they are young regardless of whether they are religious or not. The worst thing about religion is that they very thing that probably forces these people to make the mistake, then judges them so harshly for trying to rectify it through using divorce. At the end of the day by stigmatizing it all (from sex before marriage and living in sin to divorce) all religion does is glorify people who put on a facade of happy marriage (whilst actually being beaten, raped or just generally miserable). It then becomes about other people and not about your own happiness. That to me, is a pretty sad situation and not one that any Big G that was on our side would want for us, surely.

    I do hope you’ll keep following our blog 🙂 Lots more controversial posts to come 🙂

    Like

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