Guest Post: Drained Beyond Therapy by Sergio Henry Ben

Today on #rinsebeforeuse we have a special guest post by our dear friend Sergio Henry Ben. In his post Serge provides an entertaining insight into the ‘tense psychological thiller’ that was his first date following a decade long sabbatical from the world of romance…Enjoy! 

Sergio

 

“Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong.”

Do you really wanna know? It’s kind of a horror story. Okay, more like a tense psychological thriller than a gore fest. It could’ve gone that way, you know. I was prepared to face assault charges. I was prepared to follow the gospel of Rupaul: “You should always try to come from a place of love, but sometimes you need to break it down”

“And lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil…” is how the Lord’s Prayer goes, yes?  The evil in this instance was my dinner date on Sunday. Boy had it all going for him – looks, attitude, intelligent (oh what a joke his is, I found out), and exudes a particular kind of nasty-ass-gutter-porno-marathon-sex sleaze I find hard to resist.

“Sex shouldn’t be comfy,” this pearl of wisdom courtesy of the ballsy Lola in Kinky Boots. Sunday dinner was eine Schande. Chanting for inner peace barely helped. The only reason I’m not facing assault charges is through the sheer force of will to not bludgeon my date senseless with his colossal ego. Subsequently, he is now referred to as the Son of Darkness – be it in conversation laced with contempt with my gal pals.

It’s been an age since my last date, but I’m pretty sure you don’t enter another’s home and abandon your good manners – that is if you had any to start. I’ve no shame indulging my little pity party. None. I am still aghast at the series of events. Sundays are meant for relaxation and flopping about the sofa or sorting out stubborn laundry.And here I am, a Category FIve typhoon of anxiety and determination whirling about multitasking like a deranged Desperate Housewife.

Ingredients, doing the dishes, quick sweep, lighting incense sticks to drive out dark juju and welcome good cosmic prana flow, escalate the panic as the house is still untidy, sweep over there, rearrange the sofa pillows, positive-speak and life coach the hell out of my crazy ass for the umpteenth time, check on the rice and finally make a decision about inserting slivers of ginger while it steams and and and …When madness has focus, yes?

My first date in a roughly decade and I’m amazed the house and the rest of civilisation is still standing. Progress in my book, but silly me didn’t take into account my date is actually a relentless and monstrous strain of flesh-eating bacteria. Cancer is viewed in a kinder light than him. The Son of Darkness arrives and my anxiety level is officially Mount Everest.

I’m a wreck. I suck at small talk, flirting and all those insipid useless rituals mankind adores. I’m a blunt guy. I like the direct approach. “Hey would you like to (insert whatever goal is desired).” “No? Jolly good.” There are plenty of attractive men out there. Seriously, have you looked at me? My Guatamalaness is en pointe. And sometimes exuding the Latin American sexpot look can be a trial. Sunday, not my most triumphant moment. However, it must be said that I’ve suffered head trauma beginning of March and I’m blaming my appalling lack of common sense on that. I really don’t want to own yet another poorly informed decision regarding men.

Inhale … exhale … inhale … exhale … Sunday, bloody Sunday. Dinner was agony. I was interrogated, then instructed what I should do with my life, and also instructed to listen to a dreary litany of my flaws. One, I can’t cook (the dish burnt in the oven while we were making out). Two, I don’t know the meaning of the “big words” I use. (Never mind I am a journalist with 18 years experience, 11 of which spent reporting and the rest copy editing. Never mind that, yeah?)

Also, the Son of Darkness kept breaking my word, doing a very poor imitation of Dame Maggie Smith in Gosford Park. The affected mannerisms and nasal private school accent alone was for the eyes to glaze over. “No,” he said with a grand wave of his hand, “I’m not interested. I’m asking you to be real. I want to see the real you. Stop hiding behind your brilliance.” And running through my head on a loop, “This is Bridget Jones for Sit Up, Britain, reporting to you from a big vat of excrement.” I have anger issues. In fact, I am bipolar and borderline schizophrenia was also added to my diagnosis. The will required to remain at an even keel … I want my Emmy and an Elie Saab gown for the red carpet.

Hours later, the Son of Darkness is banished from my house with a curt smile and wave. In fact, a huge production ensued about the how vital it is he leaves immediately and that being late for work would send SA’s economy careering into an abyss and more blah blah … The trash took itself out. I ended up in my private ICU – the sofa. Vodka in one hand and cigarette in the other. And I’m torn between making a petrol bomb or pushing the Son of Darkness off a cliff. Few hours later after gulps of vodka and a dirty ashtray, the only conclusion reached was, “urgh!” Love, lust, pleasure, pain … a terrifying and exhilarating and exhausting mess. Not for me, thank you. You can have it, seriously.

Dear Rinsers – Give us your thoughts on Sergio’s account with the Son of Darkness. Have you experienced any similar dates from hell that have left you #drainedbeyondtherapy? Is dating more trouble than it’s worth? Share your stories in the comment section below.

Faking It

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In last week’s post we discussed the human desire for mind blowing bedroom action and how sometimes the act falls short of our great (s) expectations. While the importance of sexual compatibility seems to be debatable, I think it’s fair to say that, unlike in the movies, it is not possible for the sex to be filthy hot on every occasion.

On that note, today I want about to discuss those such instances when all that rolling under the covers doesn’t culminate in the Big O and one is forced to fake it! If you want to act all innocent and pretend to not know what I am on about then I’ve included a picture from the classic movie When Harry Met Sally where Meg Ryan makes a scene in the deli to demonstrate that act of faking it (just to jog your memory).

I think most sexually active ladies will admit to having faked an orgasm once or twice in their lives. (According to the stats around 25% of women fake it – shocking!). Naturally, reasons vary from one person to the next – maybe you want inflate your partners ego (having to deal with a man who has doubts about his abilities in the bedroom could end up being a much bigger issue in the long run), maybe you want to unleash your inner actress and play pornstar for the night or perhaps you’ve had a hard day at the office or run a marathon and you just don’t have the energy to keep at it!

While I don’t think that faking it once in a while is necessarily the greatest evil known to man, I do think that making a habit of it could be a cause for concern on many. Firstly, faking it with someone you are not particularly fond of not only boosts a guy’s ego but perpetuates his own misconception that he has ‘moves’ in the bedroom. When this bad sex arrangement you have got going eventually comes to an end (which is inevitably will) all your screaming and faking would have served to do is inflict great disappointment upon the next unfortunate chick who happens to fall into the bed of this poorly-skilled fella.

Now let’s take it a step further. What happens when you start faking it are in a committed relationship and it’s not a just one off? Justify it any which way you want but faking an orgasm is just a form of deception. And what does this say about the faker? If a person can lie about what is essentially one of the most intimate aspects of relationship what else are they lying about? Whats not to say that they are not busy looking elsewhere for more exciting prospects – Ashley Madison maybe? Hmm…this really does open up a massive can of worms!

Then again, we can’t solely blame the boys for bad times in the bedroom, now can we? I’ve heard many stories (told by the scorned ex-boyfriends in most cases) about chicks who unable to reach that elusive O with anything other than a battery operated device. Perhaps, it’s just me and my limited experience, but this kind of thing screams out for a need for a little introspection (and maybe a need for a sex therapist). Jokes aside, it could actually be a medical condition so if good sex is something that matters to you, then it be worth seeking professional help.

To conclude my little Thursday rant, what happens in the bedroom should happily stay there. It’s not for me and the blogosphere to judge. But at the end of the day, its up to each individual and their partner to decide how important carnal pleasures are to the future success of their relationship. Sure, not everybody is a sex-crazed Mr Grey (with a special room for all his special toys) and so maybe the Big O isn’t a priority but for those who do care I don’t think faking it is really an effective long-term solution to the problem and an over-reliance on one’s acting abilities in the bedroom might only come to haunt you further down the line.

Now Dear Rinsers be brave and share your stories in the comments below. How important is the Big O? Have you ever faked it (and don’t lie to me!)? What were your reasons? And is faking an orgasm nothing more than a white lie or could it be the first step in the slippery slope of deceit and betrayal? Does faking it in the bedroom have the potential to do more harm than good for a long-term relationship?

“Women Who Love Too Much” by Robin Norwood

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“Women Who Love Too Much” is an often reprinted self-help book for women which was initially published over 25 years ago. The author is a therapist who specializes in the problem of “loving too much” and who used to have this problem.

Who is this book for? For those stuck in bad relationships who keep having drama in their love lives. Most of women with this problem come from what Norwood unsubtly calls “dysfunctional families”. I think that this label makes many people cringe and is quite unfortunate as no one wants to think about their family in this way. What the author means by the term is actually unhealthy which I think is much easier to accept as the problem doesn’t only appear in families with domestic and substance abuse present. When a mother is jealous of her daughter, when she’s overly controlling or when she’s harsh and critical it isn’t healthy or beneficial for a child’s emotional development. Similarly, when a father is emotionally or physically absent, “funny” but actually cruel or uninterested it’s also unhealthy. All of the above, separately or combined, program a child to start believing that it isn’t worth of love, that’s there’s something internally wrong with it and it needs to sacrifice to be loved as no one will love it for what it is. Needless to say such a child thinks very little of itself.

Norwood explains how these traits live on as the child becomes a woman. She describes numerous examples from her practice to show how these females behave as adults, reproducing the patterns of their childhood in love life. To some of them the reader will be able to relate to other not really, but it’s good to read the whole book to understand the phenomenon fully. In short, women who love too much do anything for a man who can give them the same treatment they received in childhood. They’re not interested in people who are loving and accepting and consider them boring. Last but not least, they use sex and their looks as a tool to get a guy but are terrified of true intimacy.

The book is full of interesting thoughts. It explains that true love isn’t about being hurt and great make-up sex (which comes as a surprise to many) but rather about the companionship and feeling of safety. It shows how culture is making us consider bad relationships as “true love” and strong attraction for deep interest. It also discusses the overly present sexism which makes us believe that woman should sacrifice and tolerate whatever her man does.

My only problem with a book is that it may help a person self-diagnose and look for help elsewhere but there’s little actual guidance on how one can get sorted. Its genre isn’t really a self-help book as it’s advertised on the cover. It reminds me also of a book formerly reviewed by #englishrosiee “Why Men Love Bitches” but the latter is much more superficial. It explains to you how to behave without getting stuck in certain scenarios but doesn’t look into reasons of why you’re interested to get into bad relationship at the first place. “Women Who Love Too Much” is much better as it looks at the issues behind the behaviours rather than at the behaviours themselves.

Who would I recommend this book to? To anyone who feels they may have an issue with men. It’s difficult to admit theses things to yourself and even more challenging to actually address them. I can just tell you from my experience that they won’t disappear on their own and you’ll never find the right man to help you feel loved and fulfilled. You have to start loving yourself and admit your self worth before you can accept someone’s love and love them back. This book may be your first step on the way to do so.

Now it’s time for your opinion, Dear Rinsers! Do you struggle in your love life? Did you used to struggle but now managed to sort yourself out? Tell us your story.

Would you like to be a Princess?

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This post was inspired by two things: 1) Prince dying and 2) the excessive presence of the royals in media. Looking at poor Princess Kate being judged because of her flying skirt made me think about how horrible a life of a princess actually has to be. Nothing like in our innocent girly dreams of our childhood.

First of all, as a royal (or any other sort of celebrity for that matter) you’re constantly judged. Some people (like me) dislike you because you’re perpetuating the old superstitions about people being better or worse, depending on the social standing of the family. Others love you because they indiscriminately believe in the old traditions but at the same time they love judging you too. A flying skirt, too revealing dress or a slightly inappropriate comment will make you land at the first page of magazines and be shamed all around the Internet.

Secondly, you can’t have a career or even pastimes that could be considered not right for you. Instead of self-development you travel around the world looking pretty, smiling and waving at people. No one really cares about your opinions apart from maybe The Sun readers so you just tell everyone that you’re hoping for “World Peace”. What makes you different from Miss Universe is that you also serve as a reproductive means to give birth to the heir to the Throne. The British public strongly supports the royalty but it’s difficult not to notice that it’s all a little bit medieval.

Last but not least, you really have to love the Prince to agree to such life conditions as a smart lady that you undoubtedly are being considered for the position. Nevertheless, you never really have him for yourself. No PDA allowed either! It all looks so gracious and almost better than human, if not that it’s only what can be seen on the surface. It’s enough to look at Princess Diana and her mutually unhappy marriage to Prince Charles to see what can happen behind the close door. All the pretty dresses and all the riches in the world won’t give you back a simpler life you could have had if only your loved one wasn’t the Prince.

To sum up, a Princess’ life may look beautiful on the surface and as little girls we can aspire to what seems to be a fairytale. Nevertheless, in reality a modern princess’ life doesn’t seem so appealing at all and we’ll all be better off marrying a commoner.

Over to you Rinsers. Do you still want to be a princess? What do you think it’d be like to date a real life prince? Do aspire to marry above your own class? Or are you happy to remain a commoner and do as your please?

 

Great (S)expectations

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Although everyone seems to be chase after this notion of love and happily ever after, there is also another element that comes into play with modern romance and that’s SEX. Unlike our friends in the animal kingdom who engage in sexual activity to procreate and ensure the continuation of the species, we homo-sapiens take it to another level – for us sex is not simply a means of bringing screaming children into the world, it’s also a way of giving and receiving unadulterated pleasure. But how about when the sex isn’t up to scratch? What do we do when the bedroom activity doesn’t quite meet our great (s)expectations?

Regardless of whether you are a person who has held onto that precious V-Card for 30 odd years or someone who has never suffered from a sex drought because you’ll shag anything with a pulse, we all have our ideas of what good sex entails (and it’s probably a bit more than a quickie down a dark alley). Sure, people have different preferences – some want low lighting and the sounds of Marvin Gaye while they make slow, passionate love while the more risqué among us want whips, chains and a threesome with Mr Grey. But the bottom line (excuse the pun) is that we all want sexual satisfaction, namely that Big-O.

Well, that’s something that’s easier said than done. It’s not really going to be possible for us to be sexually compatible with every Tom, Dick and Harry we meet. If your attitude towards sex/relationships is fairly casual then dealing with a partner’s below average sexual performance is fairly easy – you simply NEXT them and start swiping again even before they’ve managed to get their clothes back on. But what about when things are a little bit more serious? Say you’ve developed an attachment to a person, established that the chemistry is great and decide to take the step of dropping your panties only to find that the sex is disappointing?

Well, I think in such a case, where the person is more than a mere sex object it is important to manage our (s)expectations. From easily accessible porn to somewhat less vulgar imagery that we see promoted in the mainstream media – everything from Fifty Shades to Sex and the City – has helped to shape our unrealistic visions of what good sex is.  It’s important to remember that this is real life, not the movies and those people on screen are (mostly airbrushed) actors busy faking it. Maybe on occasion we may experience mind-blowing sex like we see on TV, but it’s a little silly to expect that to be norm.

At the end of the day, it would be reductionist to say that if you truly love the person, you will be able to overlook the sex issue.  While it may not be the be all and end all, we should not underestimate the importance of sexual compatibility. Imagine saving yourself for marriage, only to find that your husband/wife had a low libido/lack of sexual skills … A recipe for divorce perhaps?

That said, good sex is also something you need to work on (you can’t expect to develop pornstar like abilities overnight)…so maybe just give it some time. And the advantage of being in a conventional relationship is that you have a bedroom buddy to practice with and as the say practice makes perfect. If after sometime things are still not working out then you’ll have to reassess things. At least there are other options – from sex therapy to battery-operated devices.

Oki Dokes Rinsers – Have your say in the comments below. Do you think sexual compatibility is an important factor in determining the success of a relationship? Have our (s)expectations of what should happen in the bedroom become unrealistic thanks to media representations of fornication? Do you have any stories to share about how you learnt to manage you (s)expectations in order to enhance a relationship?

Review : Love Me Tinder – Violet Online Rebooted

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Last night #zlotybaby and I saw Love Me Tinder – Violet Online Rebooted, a one woman show starring Lynita Crofford as Violet, at the Alexander Bar. I first became acquainted with Violet’s sexcapdes last year when I saw her first show simply titled, Violet Online, at the same venue. Since then we’ve become quite familiar with Violet’s blog which provides the inspiration for both these productions and she regularly comments (read tells me to delete my Tinder profile) on our blog.

In the second production we continue to follow Violet’s antics as a 40-something cougar manouvering the world of modern dating aka the Tinderverse. In the space of 55 mins (it was late on school night so I’m glad they kept in short and sweet) the show covers everything from Violet’s opinion on Botox, her dealing with an addiction to social media, the perks of using battery-operated sex toys and Violet’s confused reaction to glow-in-the-dark female condoms and much much more.

Anyone lady that has ever done a stint on Tinder will be able relate to the things that Violet discusses. Everything from spotting a friends (current!) boyfriend while swiping to having your eyes violated by pictures of men’s intimate parts (as well as their love for kissing fish) to using code names for men when debriefing with your friends (Violet names her Tinder Boys after suburbs of CT e.g. Camps Bay, Green Point and Sea Point and in my world we’ve had the Nazi, Veggie, Baby Daddy and Porsche Boy – I think my naming convention wins!).

Between scenes a projector screen was quite cleverly used to do a sneaky bit of Tinder Shaming (many of the usual suspects flashed before our eyes and some who also featured the Alan Committee’s Love Factually). While in many cases I am a bit skeptical about the use of such visuals in stage productions (to me they are often just a silly distraction or to complicate things that don’t really need to be complicated), I think here they were used really well.

My only slight criticism of the show would be that those who’ve seen the first show might find that some of the jokes are repeated (e.g.her criticism of people’s poor grammar skills on online dating platforms). However, the jokes are still hilarious so there was no harm done really.

All in all though Love Me Tinder provided us with some great LOLs for Tuesday night and I’d definitely recommend it to anyone. The show was sold out last night (and the one before that) and the audience was a mixed bunch – young people, elders, singles and loved up couples – and they all seemed to enjoy the show (I’m judging by the laughter). Furthermore the fact that there is no intermission meant nobody could leave out of protest (like Juriji/Yuri did during Love Factually). The show is running till the 30th of April and tickets were pretty cheap at just R90 (R80 if you purchase online) so you’ve still got time to catch at the Alexander Upstairs.

Finally, did the show convince me to delete my Tinder profile? Hmm … Let’s just say I’ve taken a sabbatical from the world of online dating for a bit but I’m sure it won’t last too long and I’ll eventually be back trawling the Tinderverse in the not so distant future.

Rinsers…Let us know if you’ve seen the show and share you thoughts in the comments below.

When to call it quits

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The widely held belief about the modern world seems to be that people call it quits too easily and that instead of working on a relationship they prefer to start a new one. That may be true about many men I know but to be honest among women I’ve seen the contrary. Inspired by all the  attempts of females unhappy with their guys but still trying to make someone love them back or keep up the interest, I decided to write this post.

When to call it quits obviously depends on the situation. If we’re talking about initial interest or dating I’d say as soon as possible. I can’t tell you how much time I’ve lost in my life trying to keep up the initial interest in people. Most of them weren’t even particularly fascinating. The like or dislike is often based on such a shallow thing as looks and sexual attraction. If it’s not working early on just let it go. There’s no point in trying to make something not compatible work. The sooner you let go the easier you’ll move on. A good relationship can be a wonderful thing that’s a source of happiness and strength in life and not drama. It’s also not supposed to be a struggle, especially not in the beginning.

What about more established couples? If you keep fighting about your favorite type of toothpaste it’s really not a big deal. On the other hand if your fights include serious matters such as difference of opinion on whether or not to have children or the way in which the partner is spending money they may be potential deal breakers. My personal example is a partner who was out of a job for a prolonged period of time but wasn’t looking for a new one and was too proud to accept just any offer that others found for him. For months he let me pay for him and eventually I realised that regardless of how many ads I’d send him and how many times I’d get upset about his inertia, the situation was likely to never change. Of course leaving someone after a year or more even when it’s justified and feelings start to fade is difficult. I was emotionally unwell for months to come but at the end of the day it’s always worth it. When in doubt ask yourself two questions: Am I happy? and Is there a chance that I ever will be happy with that man?

Last but not least, there’s a thing that I know only from second-hand experience and I hope never to experience myself, namely, divorce. I don’t think that they happen only to people who weren’t a strong match with their partner or who weren’t committed to the relationship enough to keep working on it when not all was going well. I’m sure many people genuinely believe that they met the one, they got married and at some point things somehow go wrong and they become different and more importantly less compatible people than they used to be. If people reach a point when they’re miserable, no attempts to improve the situation help and the only positive thing left between them are memories and maybe sex, it’s time to call it quits regardless of marital status.

To sum up, for some people the end of a relationship is the end of their life and I wish you all find such a person. If it’s not the case, I think that the time to call it quits is when we’re happier without our partner than with him for a prolonged period of time and most importantly we don’t see our future with them anymore.

Dear Rinsers – What are you thoughts on the issue? Are you the type of person to cling on to a relationship for as long as is humanly possible or do you know when to call it a day?

“Love Factually” with Alan Committie

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At #rinsebeforeuse we’re striving to keep our Dear Rinsers updated on Love and Dating related events in Cape Town. That’s why last Friday instead of indulging in copious amounts of alcohol we decided to acquaint ourselves with a bit of high culture and see “Love Factually” with Alan Committie at the Theatre on the Bay.

I hope #englishrosiee will forgive me this interference but you can read about other comedy shows I’ve recently seen in Cape Town here on my personal blog biltong101. Among other things, you’ll learn there that I’m not easily impressed by comedy. Having said that, I’d describe “Love Factually” as one of the best comedy shows I’ve seen in years. Alan Committie became well known for a comedy show with a similar theme “Defending The Caveman”. I unfortunately missed out on the opportunity to see it so I didn’t know what to expect from this one. Dear Rinsers, it was HILARIOUS.

The show deals with modern day romance. It discusses the technologies used these days to meet the love of your life and explains terms such a masturdating or textpectation. It makes fun of  classic romcoms (“4 Weddings and a Funeral” with Hugh Grant) and more epic love stories like “Titanic”. The comedian mercilessly mocks the lack of realism of love stories on the screen and the jokes are both smart and funny.

The show is well structured and it flows nicely, which I can’t say about many comedy shows. The structure, however, still welcomes occasional interaction with the audience. In comparison to other comedians I’ve seen, this one is very tasteful when making fun of people. Unfortunately some of us are just oversensitive. A man called Jurij (or as you people might say, “Yuri”) got upset about having his leg pulled. He didn’t smile for the first half of the show even though his name was mentioned quite often and eventually left after the intermission with 5 (!) of his friends leaving a gap in the second row. By this gesture of protest he became an even bigger source of fun and the audience was particularly reciprocating when the spontaneous jokes about this man with very little sense of humor were made. The interactions with patrons were really amusing and the relaxed atmosphere resulted in me for the first time ever not being freaked out at the thought of being asked a question by the show’s star.

Were there any drawbacks? Definitely the length. Even though the show was remarkable, two and a half hours (including the break) is loooong. I also didn’t find the dating videos included in the show to be particularly funny. I think Alan Committie is at his best just being his stage self. Other than that no complaints, really. We even managed to get cheap tickets for 120 rand in the corner of the first row. Don’t sit in the first three rows, however, if you’re a very serious man (or woman) like Jurij as you risk being picked on.

To sum up, I strongly recommend the show to anyone who feels like a little bit of entertainment in life. We all know that nothing is as funny as human interactions and the desperate ways in which we’re trying to make sense out of big things like LOVE.

The ‘Katie Girl’ – Embracing Your Quirks over Being Tamed

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“The world is made up of two girls, the simple girls and the Katie girls. I’m a Katie girl!”

~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City 

The term ‘Katie Girl’ is a rather obscure reference to a character in 1970’s movie The Way We Were staring Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie (like me) – a ‘Katie Girl’ can be described as a somewhat quirky woman, who men tend to love and have passionate/roller coaster relationships with but eventually ditch for a more ‘normal’/manageable woman (aka Simple Girl).

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such a situation(i.e a ‘Katy Girl’) it’s pretty horrible. One minute you are dating a guy, the chemistry is electrifying, the banter is great and the sex is mind-blowing, then the next thing BOOM he replaces you with a (usually) pretty but insipid sort of girl. It’s almost as you were his guilty pleasure for a short period of time but ultimately he realised that as much fun as things, you were just a little too rough around the edges and he needed to find himself a girl he could take home to meet the parents.

In a relationship things might be a little different. The good days are brilliant and he won’t be able to get enough of you, but on the bad days you’ll be a loggerheads and a visit to hell might even seem like an enticing prospect. Because he does love the ‘Katie Girl’ he’ll stick around a little longer and try to tame her and her crazy ways. But at some point this battle becomes too tough for the ‘big man’ to handle so when a pretty little cookie-cutter girl comes along, he decides to cut his losses, say goodbye to the butterflies and settle for someone who’ll essentially toe the line.

I’m sure that this is something that many of us have experienced ourselves or been witness to. Following such an event it’s natural for a ‘Katy Girl’ to be a bit introspective and wonder why something so good had to end and also why the guy felt the need to downgrade to such a polar opposite kinda chick. If it happens often enough ‘Katy Girls’ eventually start to believe that they are the problem and some may even contemplate ‘selling out’, piping down and essentially becoming the kind of Simple Girl that he’ll get down on one knee for.

I think the thing to remember here is that the ‘Katy Girl’ is not the problem, it’s him. Sure, a strong, independent woman with a mind of her own can be hard to deal with it at time and it’s understandable that a man who wants a quiet life will settle for the Simple Girl. But at the end of the day, the problem is with him. The fact that he is willing to take the easy way out and settle for someone that meets the standards set by mainstream society shows lack of characters. The truth is (and I’m speaking from experience here) that even though he’ll settle for the Simple Girl, it’ll be difficult for him to shake off the effect that ‘Katy Girl’ had on his life. And chances are when you least expect it, he’ll probably rock up at your work place and declare his undying love for you.

I’m not going to sit here and dish out any advice to all of the ‘Katy Girls’ out there (because they are unlikely to be the type that will listen anyway). So I’ll just end by saying that the mission shouldn’t really be about compromising on your quirks in order to have the average man settle down with/for you, but instead it should be about embracing the things that make you stand out from the crowd. At the end of the day Mr Right won’t need to tame you as he’ll be man enough to tolerate your craziness because he’s just as much of an oddball as you are.

OK Rinsers. It’s time for you to have your say. What are your thoughts on ‘Katy Girls’? Do you think girls who are failing at dating should possible tone down their personalities so that guys find them easier to handle? Do you think some men find the more feisty, independent ‘Katy Girl’ a threat to their traditional ideas of manhood?

Napoleon Dynamite – the Ugly Duckling of the MTV generation

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Believe it or not I only watched “Napoleon Dynamite” last weekend. I really wish I watched the movie earlier as I’m sure I would have been more taken by its magic at a younger age. Having said that, the film remains a cute teenage love story.

Napoleon is a loser. He looks weird, he has bizarre interests and is socially inept. His family has a llama and that’s the best thing you can say about them. His brother is a similar weirdo and his uncle is trying to make all sorts of dodgy deals. All in all, Napoleon is a highly pitiable character. We meet him when he makes his first friend, a newbie Mexican immigrant Pablo. He also meets a Girl. Not to reveal too much, we see Napoleon turning into a swan eventually but not in a way you’d expect.

The movie reminds me a lot of Wes Anderson’s movies so if you enjoy his art, you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by “Napoleon Dynamite”. The minimalism is a very good solution for a movie that clearly didn’t have a big budget. The lack of famous actors adds up to special mood of the feature.

The romantic story is a little bit silly but at the same time is very cute. It reminds you about your early youth when boys made you giggle and telling someone you “like them” was a huge deal. This is the reason why you won’t see any nudity on the screen or even explicit romanticism. The makers decided to make it much less obvious than that. It seems that even the audience used to a completely different form of expression enjoyed this nerdy and clumsy, yet adorable romance on the screen.

The humor of “Napoleon Dynamite” is quite subtle too. It comes mostly from weird characters doing weird things and is something you’ll either find entertaining or not. The jokes are quite absurd and you can notice quite a bit of racial and cultural stereotyping.

I’d recommend the movie to anyone who is a little bit overwhelmed by being an adult and would like to be reminded of times when your biggest problem was getting a C in maths. Give this movie a try and let its magic work its way to your heart. Also, don’t expect too much. I’d give it a 6,5 out of 10.