Have you ever been in one of those ‘relationships’ that just won’t seem to end? Even though the relationship is over, you can’t get that person out from under your skin? When despite everyone’s best efforts two people still keep finding their way back to each other? Well, this dearest Rinser, is what we call the Boomerang Relationship.
It’s basically like the relationship the Carrie and Mr. Big had in Sex and the City BUT remember we live in Cape Town, and while the Mother City is certainly pretty it is NOT Hollywood. So please stop deluding yourself and thinking that one day you’ll eventually marry that Boomerang guy/girl. The truth (and yes, I know it hurts) is that you WON’T.
Obviously, everyone has the own unique reason for terminating a relationship. Maybe it was a clash of personalities? Perhaps he/she cheated? Maybe despite the initial chemistry, you realised further down the line that your S.O had a dirty little foot fetish or was a religious nut? Regardless of ones reasons for ending things, these boomerang people still find a way to maintain the connection.
In my experience, there are a couple of reasons why supposedly intelligent human beings allow these boomerang relationships to carry on as they do. Firstly, we tell ourselves that we are ‘mature’ enough to remain friends with our ex. But truthfully, can you really be friends with someone you’ve shared your most intimate thoughts with or has seen you naked? And ask yourself would you world crumble to the ground if you saw this ‘friend’ with another guy/girl? Surely, if you are really friends it wouldn’t bother you in the slightest. Just saying!
Maintaining contact with an ex isn’t really the wisest decision as it allows you both to have a foot in each other’s lives for way longer than you ever should and actually just stands in the way of you moving on with someone else. This type of ‘friendly’ behaviour simply serves to prolong something that has served its purpose and ensures that any potential replacement for the ex has to work ten times as hard to have an impact.
Furthermore, by walking in and out of each other’s lives, we give rise to false hope. You start of convince yourself that the time apart may have changed the situation. Add to that the fact that you’ve probably learnt that dating malarkey isn’t as fun as they all promised and you start to consider rekindling things. Better the devil you know and all that.
Very rarely do these boomerang relationships end well. In some cases, you might get a hook up out of it. But if you look at things properly, you’ve only downgraded things from being in a relationship with someone, to then being their ex and finally to being nothing more than their dirty booty-call. Sure, maybe you enjoy the attention and maybe a boomerang relationship is better than being a sad spinster but one also needs to consider the impact of it on your self-esteem (not to mention your time). Until you stop flogging a dead horse and finally call time on this relationship chances are you’ll never be able to move on because you’ll be forever in limbo.
I hope your never find yourself in a time-consuming boomerang relationship, but if you do the best thing do is cut ties and cut them COMPLETELY. Because the sooner you get rid of the deadwood, the quicker you’ll be able to move on with your life and keep the path clear for your upgrade!
Dear Rinsers – Have you ever been in a boomerang relationship? How did it end? What did you learn from the experience?