‘Organic’ Dating in the Internet Age

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Don’t get me wrong I fully understand that technology has its benefits especially when it comes to dating. And although many do claim to be, none of us are really above Tinder. The stigma that was once associated with internet dating is now, at least to some degree, a thing of the past…everyone and his dog now seems to have an OKCupid profile. So if you can’t beat them join them seems to be the attitude of the day! But does our reliance on dating apps/websites mean that the chances of meeting our soulmate ‘In Real Life’ (IRL) are non-existent?

Today, I want to bring our minds back that old-school idea of organic dating. Remember the good old days when you’d hit the club with your girlfriends and get chatting to a guy at the bar, swap numbers and a few days later BOOM! you’ve landed yourself a date! Or when you were in your early twenties strolling down Long Street when you suddenly got accosted some dude – an encounter which led to a bit of a holiday romance and then some?

But the older we get, the smaller our social circle becomes and the more disillusioned we get about finding somebody compatible. Internet dating seems to offer an easy solution. Websites allow us to narrow down our search and cut through all that initial conversation crap (I mean time is precious and a busy girl can’t sit through three dates before finding out the guy is a sexual deviant or a religious fanatic). The internet also allows us to be brave when it comes to dating people we previously may considered out of league. Hiding behind a computer screen makes rejection less painful. This somewhat more impersonal approach to dating also gives allows us to build our confidence and get lots of practice (I seriously doubt I would have had 30 dates in such a short space of time if it weren’t for the web!).

Regardless, deep down I am yet to be truly convinced by modern dating practices. Call me old fashioned but I’m looking for a story to tell the grandkids and I’ve never read a fairytale that began ‘Once upon I time I swiped right…’ In the Age of Tinder it’s rather rare (and refreshing) to be asked out in the old-school way. Even when you do meet organically, he’ll still contact you via Facebook (so whether you like it or not technology will likely play a role in romance these days).

I’m not saying organic dating is better than more technologically-savvy version. You’ll certainly meet just as many heartbreakers in the club, at work, at a friend’s braai, at the supermarket, or randomly strolling down the street. But there are advantages to the organic way to doing things. Firstly, the spontaneity certainly serves to make things more exciting. There are probably more risks involved when it comes to meeting people IRL which, for me at least, makes things a little more romantic.

Also, meeting someone under more natural circumstances probably means that both parties get a more realistic impression of one another than on yet another awkward, sterile, run-of-the-mill tinder date. And finally, there is a certain accountability that comes if two people meet through friends. Unlike the anonymity that we have online, if we act like an idiot or do douche-bag like things, the fact is the people around will judge us (and probably hate on us too) and let’s face it we’d all rather just avoid that.

So, I’m not telling y’all to delete your Tinder profiles straight away (that could potentially mean romantic suicide) but I’m saying maybe it’s time for our generation to consider more old-school approaches in our quest for love. After all it worked (questionable!) for our parents/grandparents generation so what’s to say it can’t work for us too.

OK Rinsers over to you. What are your thoughts on ‘organic’ dating? Is it really possible for us to meet our soulmate IRL or is that just too much hassle? Are we too reliant on technology when it comes to dating? Are you a fan of utilising technological tools or did you find love the old fashioned way? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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22 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · February 18, 2016

    I miss the days of handing a girl a note I like you do you like me ? Check yes or no lol. I agree there is a lot more challenging things today than as opposed to when I was younger but the approach has to still be the same not well I’m on line so let me date for the sake of dating then kill the dating process when we get the crazies of the dating world. There is enough to use both methods old school and new technologies for dating. As you know I met the woman who would eventually became my wife on line . It was what got us together but the rest of the way was old school so it can work both ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

      I thinking finding an old-fashioned guy through modern dating is not easy. Most people online have become disillusioned and the whole process has become quite a chore for most of them. When it comes to first dates I personally rarely get nervous…I’m usually quite indifferent as to whether it goes well/badly (except on those rare occasions where someone has drawn me in well before a meet up). Modern singles have this attitude that if it doesn’t world out with X then there are plenty more fish in the sea…in fact you’ll probably be able to line up the next tinder date within a matter of minutes.

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · February 18, 2016

        It used to be you’d meet someone at church or school or at work or on the way to work …but you have to be more picky about who you talk to on line doesn’t mean you can’t find someone it just means you have to be more discerning .

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

        I’m an old-fashioned girl who waits for a guy to ask her out. In real life, I don’t think many guys are willing to go all that effort because its actually easier for them to get a date online and like I said there is less of a fall out if they get rejected.

        I think much of my problem is that I give too many people a chance of having a first date although I probably know from the get-go that this thing isn’t going to work. Hmm…maybe it’s time to be a bit more picky.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · February 18, 2016

        Problem is technology has made it easier or made people more lazy about how to ask someone out for a date . Instead guys want a hookup not a date it implies responsibility = job and money neither of which many guys have sadly…but yes be more picky no sense running through a lot of guys. All that gets you is more frustrated

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

        Yup as you say online dating is a winning formula for those guys looking for a cheap hook-up. And to be fair you need to respect the fact that the internet allows them to be honest about their intentions. Sure maybe 9 out of 10 times they’ll receive expletives in response to their DTF ? messages but imagine the reaction they’d get asking that to a girl in real life 😛 They’d get bitch-slapped in the street.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. violetonlineisonline · February 18, 2016

    delete your Tinder profile. delete all online apps. they bring out the very worst in most people. go organic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

      Hmmm….Might be a bit soon to delete the Tinder. But I’m certainly keen to take a break from it and give organic dating a try. Tinder has served it’s purpose though…providing lots of guys to practice on without too much pressure but now it’s time to put those finely tuned skills into use in the real world 😛

      Like

  3. ljbentley27 · February 18, 2016

    Strangely, I was having this conversation with my boyfriend the other day. We met online but not in the sense of a dating app. We both worked as writers and got paired together to do a collaborative piece. Three years in, and the relationship is still going strong.

    I do agree with you though. It would be good to get some old style romance. It is a shame really because when my mum was younger you tended to have a slow down section on a night out (or as Peter Kay called it on Phoenix Nights – the erection section – ew!) but men and women had a chance to slow dance with their chosen one and then have a chance to make a date for another day. Nowadays, you have the quarter to two pull. When a lad hasn’t managed to pull and there is only 15 minutes left of the night they will try to get anyone – even someone that they aren’t physically attracted too. I have homogenised a whole sex by saying that and I do apologise if I cause anyone any offence but this is just in my experience.

    What I am trying to say is that I totally agree that we need a much more wholesome way to find love. So, in a nutshell, that is it!

    Yep.

    Great article by the way 🙂 x x

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

      Thanks. I hope you keep following the blog 🙂

      I definately don’t think your story counts as online dating…it’s organic just with a tech element mixed in.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. rorophotographie · February 18, 2016

    Hello dear,
    I must admit that I still miss those old forms . Today much is self-evident and loses value …

    xoxo Rosa

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I do hope you’ll follow our blog 🙂

      Yup… I guess dating has lost its value because if you of average attractiveness and have a half decent personality it’s not so difficult to get a date. But the hard task if find someone you are able to get nervous about and make an effort for.

      Like

  5. Moose and Michelle · February 18, 2016

    There definitely are pros and cons to both organic dating and online dating. I’ve had some fun with online dating, but I think it’s telling that my partner and I have been together a little over 4 years… and we met “organically” – in a bookstore, no less! Online dating can help weed people out by laying potential incompatibilities bare (“You hate Monty Python and don’t like cats? Swipe left!”) But, like you said, meeting people in person first helps us check out aspects that aren’t available to us in person – most importantly, immediate attraction. A lot of the time, a conversation will seem to go pretty all right online, but when we meet, there’s absolutely no chemistry. It’s hard to weed that out purely through online means.

    Overall, I really liked this post and I’m looking forward to binge reading more 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

      The truth is there is a good market for the online way of doing things. That’s why so many people opt for that method. And while we might not be successful in finding our Prince Charming online, at least we get dates that way. The old-fashioned way is too slow for this generation which seeks instant gratification rather than the slow-burn.

      Thanks for reading 🙂 I hope you follow our blog – we’ll promise to keep you entertained 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. bklynboy59 · February 18, 2016

    Part of the problem is that most don’t even use the term dating anymore …we’re hanging out …or messing with each other …belittling what they are doing. Like I said I miss the days of boy meets girl boy writes note ” I like you , Do you Like me check yes or no ” Lol.

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · February 18, 2016

      Exatly. Its all Netflix and Chill these dates. Most guys don’t even want to buy a girl a drink. I guess that’s because its no longer about ‘dating’…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Dan Alatorre AUTHOR · February 18, 2016

    Age is the relevant factor. People in their 50’s date different than people in their 20’s – but both find it difficult and think there’s a better way.

    I advise my nieces to go to places where their dream man is. If you want to find a relationship with a professional who goes to church, you could start going to church functions and not bars.

    Liked by 1 person

    • rinsebeforeuse · February 19, 2016

      You make some good points.

      Once an old geezer told me ‘Do the things you love and make you happy and eventually you’ll attract the right guy for you’.I do a lot of cool stuff… Let’s see if Prince Charming materializes ‘organically’ soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. adriennemullins16 · February 18, 2016

    I love this! I agree 100%. There’s nothing essentially wrong with online dating, but there is a sense of accountability with ‘organic’ dating. One, it’s a lot harder to fake who you are and two, you kind of get a mini get to know you session (depending on the circumstances) before you ever go on an official date

    Liked by 2 people

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