Choke me, Spank me, Pull my hair – How to talk about weird sexual preferences


Even in the “modern, Western world” the society tends to come up with things that form a so-called norm of sexual behaviors. The norms change and oral sex which used to be revolutionary not too long ago, these days is a rather conventional sexual technique. There are still a lot of things, however, that remain in the “deviation” zone and therefore if something we like is an issue to address with a new partner.

First of all, one must realize that what’s going to be considered weird depends on the partner’s open mindedness so it will differ from a person to a person. For one person a foot fetish is going to be gross, while someone else won’t understand why you were a little bit shy before you suggested you two add anal beads to your sexual repertoire. Generally if a person cares they’ll probably be willing to try out things as long as they’re not in open opposition to their preferences.

This brings me to an issue of how fast you should discuss things of that sort and the answer should be as soon as a sexual life with that person is approaching. The weirder and more important to you the things, the faster you should do it. After all sex is a very important part of a relationship and if partners have extremely different preferences it’ll probably turn out to be tedious long term to try to suppress one needs on the one hand or to try to force oneself to do something they don’t enjoy on the other. I’m reminded of a story of an acquaintance who after few dates discussed his sexual preferences with a girl of his interest. He was into spanking, choking and whips while she had no interest in that sort of thing. They decided not to see each other again as their compability in that respect was crucial to him. One could call it a perfect example of how to be mature and avoid future disappointments without going too far so that someone’s feelings get hurt.

“50 Shades of Grey” did little for literature or cinema, but at least it brought to light a topic people don’t want to talk about. Yes, Mr Grey is portrayed as someone who developed his sexual preferences due to some bad experiences and yes, his Princess Charming is trying to fix him, but it’s the first time that the topic properly entered mainstream culture. Some people may judge Mr Grey but most secretly dream to try out his ways. After all he does what he does with his partner’s consent and who are we to judge which behaviors are allowed and which are not? Besides, it’s not like you’re going to ever learn what most people like as many not only hide their preferences from the world but even from themselves. The good thing about Mr Grey is that maybe he’ll make different sexual preferences less of a taboo and eventually some people won’t be that shy to talk about them, while others will be less willing to pass a judgement.

So, Dear Rinsers, how do you feel about different sexual preferences? What’s normal and what’s not? And most importantly, are you a prude or is everything allowed as both parties consent?

PS The post’s title is taken from an Xzbit’s song I like. You may want to YouTube it.



      • I’m sure people have been kinky forever. Antiquity wasn’t even ashamed of being kinky and there’s plenty of proof in history books. After that come all the weird times when people were no less kinky but less uptight about being open about it.


    • I’m afraid it’s more of wishful thinking. Apparently the taboos just keep moving. Even if there’s just a moment in the history when all seems to be accepted a new thing will appear that people will deem as outrageous.


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