To have or not to have… children

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Back in the days there was no choice. You got married and you gave birth, getting pregnant way too often taking into account the number of intercourses you had. Then a miraculous invention called efficient contraception changed the world and now we can ask ourselves whether we even want to have children.

First of all, I really think it should be a personal decision. Your mother may be dreaming to hear the noise of little feet again but if you don’t feel like you are ready for such a step yet or don’t think you’ll ever be ready for it, don’t let anyone pressure you. It’s your life that will change because of the kid, hers will be only minimally influenced by it. Similarly if you want kids and your partner doesn’t and you’re both quite stuck in your ways, maybe it’s a good idea to rethink your relationship. After all, you’re not getting any younger. Tick tock, tick tock.

I don’t really believe all these people that threaten you with dying on your own if you don’t have children. We all die on our own, even if surrounded by people. Modern children also care for their elders less. Maybe there’s something in letting parents spend time surrounded by their peers rather they trap them in a joint family household with unfulfilled expectations towards each other. Besides, even if it was true and a life without children meant a horrible, lonely death, I don’t think fear is ever a good motivation in life. People should rather be guided by their positive feelings, including self-love, in such big decisions.

When people should have children then? When and if THEY want them. As with any other desire sometimes our drive is stronger than reason. This is fine too because from my experience and observations if there’s a will, there’s a way. In other words all my friends who got baby crazy at some point, even if objectively the timing was far from perfect, managed to solve whatever problems they had. If you, however, let others make choices for you and get pregnant because others think it’s right, you’ll only have yourself to blame if you end up an unfulfilled mother of two constantly frustrated with her offspring that I believe should (mostly) be the source of joy. I don’t necessarily think that motherhood is for everyone as nothing ever makes everyone happy.

To sum up, I don’t think having children is generally good or bad. It’s a personal matter and it can be a brilliant choice for some and a constant ordeal for others. People should make their choices based on their personal beliefs and not let others pressurize them.

So Dear Rinsers, what do you think? Should one have children just because it is “the right thing to do”? Or should we be allowed to make our own choices and not be judged regardless of what we decide?

 

30 comments

  1. OK….I’m probably going to get a lot of hate for saying what I’m going to say.

    Wouldn’t it be nice if parents, society, fear of the bio clock and a general dislike of contraception aka laziness, etc would just STOP putting pressure on people to have children. While many many people bring kids into the world for the right reasons and look after them properly and invest the time and effort into their offspring to create upstanding memebers of society. There are a hell of a lot that don’t and bad parenting I think accounts for a lot of the social problems we encounter today.

    As a society we need to STOP encouraging people to procreate. And governments need to stop enabling awful people from creating more awful people and continuing this horrible cycle. I left a country where our government provided a social safety net which simply served to encourage people to have more and more people. Maybe my view is simplistic, but from my point of view this just led to a creation of a breed of people known commonly as CHAVS. Its horrible – in England you get more child benefit for every child you have. This means there are a lot of kids who are uncared for, poorly educated, left to their own devices. Ugh I could just go on and on about this….but it just makes me mad.

    I’m not saying take away the social safety net. But we need to also provide incentives for people who decide not to have kids. Maybe they would rather not bring more people into the world or they have other priorities. They need to be rewarded for making a mature decision. But instead, society looks down upon people who choose not to have kids – asking when are babies going to arrive, etc, etc? Just leave these people be.

    If we want quality people in the world rather than quantity. People need to be free to have kids because they WANT to and not because a) society/family deems it the right time or b) because they’ll get some cash money from the state.

    RANT OVER.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What about teenagers? Alot of teenagers and young adults are having babies in broken relationships.it’s not about being free it’s about being ready mentally emotionally and physically ready to have children which a great deal of people are not.

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  3. Erm…don’t see the relevance to this post in particular… but arguments in relationships are inevitable. However, it depends what you are arguing about . If it something mundane or general or something which makes the other person tick. When you start insulting each other’s character’s that is when the trouble begins.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. […] Last but not least, there are passions and interests that parents have and that they ideally shouldn’t be abandoned when the child is born. The list of possible preferences is so long that I cannot provide solutions. For all the naysayers I would just like to mention a few inspirational stories. Stephen King finished his first novel while working full time and soon after he had his first baby. J.K. Rowling had more than one child when she started to draft Harry Potter on serviettes (!). A famous Polish traveller, Tony Halik was traveling with his wife who was pregnant and after she gave birth with their newborn baby. Last but not least, Stephen Hawkings’s first wife was working on her PhD as a mother of three children and… well, the wife of Stephen Hawkings, who as we know couldn’t help much because of his condition. I’ll never stop believing that when there’s a will, there’s a way. Parents should be reasonable but changing their lives entirely for the sake of their children will just make them miserable. A happy parent means a happy child and I say that as a formerly unhappy child of an unhappy parent. You still deserve to pursue your dreams and enjoy your life when you have offsprings and you shouldn’t listen to those who are telling you otherwise. Parenthood should enhance your life and not destroy it. Otherwise why have children at all? […]

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