The “L” word – saying I love you for the first time


Isn’t love an amazing feeling? It certainly is the moment we know it’s reciprocated. When we start to feel butterflies it can be difficult to start the conversation on the topic with a new partner, especially that we feel a  mixture of excitement, fear but also uncertainty of our own feelings.

Even in the modern gender equalized world many women still expect men to say it first. It gives you some level of comfort to know that you may feel it but you can safely wait till the other person puts themselves out there but at the same time it’s slightly limiting to wait for the man to do so, especially if we feel that he’s taking too long.

A woman who feels it and wants to know whether her partner does too, can of course just ask. The risks of emotional exposure are high so sometimes being able to hide between wanting it to go the traditional way with a man expressing his undying love first is just a safe option.

What are the risks? The main one is of course that of rejection. You say that you love someone and they don’t say anything back. Alternatively they say that they like you a lot but they don’t feel the same way. It’s a disappointment of course but it’s still gives you hope that things can change in the future. Nevertheless, there’s also an ultimate rejection when a person who hears the “L” word starts to wonder whether their not loving you right now isn’t the ultimate answer to the question of whether you two have a future together. In other words, a person who has to deal with you loving them may for the first time wonder whether they can ever love you back. If their answer is a no it’ll probably lead to the end of the relation. The sooner the better of course but a pain of a broken heart doesn’t disappear easily and it’s understandable why people are scared of saying “I love you” and hearing “Well, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while…” back.

There are risks of course. They’re not all there is, though. There’s also a chance and a big one that a person will say the “L” word back. Then there’s nothing to fear anymore and life temporarily seems very satisfying. At the end of the day a relationship can’t really survive if there’s no mutual love for a prolonged period of time.

Maybe asking as scary as it is, isn’t such a bad thing after all. At least you will know whether it makes sense to be with that person and if they don’t love you back, the sooner you start to deal with it and heal, the sooner you’ll be in yourn next truly loving relation.

Tell me, Rinsers, do you think it’s the man’s job to say “I love you”? In your dating history did you usually say it first?



  1. Great post!… To answer your question even though I am a man with my I am the one that always says I love you first , the funny thing is …it was always my partner who made the move to kiss first

    Liked by 1 person

  2. By putting myself out there I did run the risk of rejection, big time and no matter how old you are rejection hurts. It took my wife a little longer for her to say I love you but there were signs of love there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. No. Not Really!
    Gone are the days when it was a man’s job to be expressing this feeling first. I’d say… if a woman loves a guy. Take your call, go ahead… say it!
    Love is a superb feeling. Hope it is reciprocated by one’s partner too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m a traditionalist. Totally think it’s better if the guy says it first mainly because us girls tend to get smitten faster…so it’s best for us to rein it in. But there are those perfect moments when he says it after just 3 days and it’s also on the tip of your tongue…still that kinda perfect timing is rare. Still, let me live in my fairytale world.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my, what a total disaster. I tried this telling a guy you love him thing and well, it didn’t end well. i wouldn’t advise anyone to try it but if they do try, they should try at their own risk!
    Good read 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I said it first once and didn’t hear much back. Apart from that I always waited for a guy to say it and it worked for me better.


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